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Posted 7/26/2011 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
I grew up near the art museum area (fairmount section).Wife grew up in havertown so we bought a house here. We are two streets from eagle rd.
The Kung Fu School is still here.
Posted 7/26/2011 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Cmetalman (I'll bet your wife's pots and pans glisten!)

I'd tell her in a setting that minimizes the importance. Don't set up a special time or day. Mention it if you are going to be seeing her anyway. "Oh Charlene, I almost forgot.... Next month I will be going to the doc for an outpatient procedure on my .... well, we won't go there. However I've been told I will pee like a teenager when it's done " I called it "getting reamed." "Geez, An hour's worth of work and the doc gets $4000." She will not ask any more questions. Tell her you prefer to keep this among the immediate family so there is no chance of clients finding out and affecting business.
The whole hospital stay with DaVinci surgery is 23 hours from admission to discharge, and you will wear a catheter bag for 7-10 days. That is easily concealed if you wear long pants. The first day, you will sound like you got hit by a truck because of the intubation tube. Don't make calls then. Your voice will be normal by the second day so you can call clients just like before.

If you don't make a big deal out of it, She won't. And if you bring up that it has to do with your reproductive organ she will definitely not bring it up ever again.

Good luck to you. Remember to keep your cerium oxide and aluminum oxide apart.

Jeff
Posted 7/26/2011 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
JerseyGuy, my e-mail address is [email protected]. I'm getting ready to go to work in the city, stuck on second shift today and tomorrow.
Posted 7/26/2011 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
Worried Guy ,ha thats funny don't know much about her pots and pans but my stainless steel grill shines really nice and no scraches.
Posted 7/26/2011 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Worried Guy, like your advice on how to tell my daughter.
Posted 7/26/2011 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
Or, you could simply have an adult discussion and tell her that you're being treated for prostate cancer....that it's a relatively common occurrence in men our age.....that it's been found early and there's every likelihood that it will turn out to be contained in the prostate gland and you will be "cured"....that even if it has escaped the prostate gland, it is not a disease that is going to take you away anytime soon, and that you still hope to see your grandchildren grow to adulthood. 

Would you tell her if it were pancreatic cancer?  Would you tell her if it were colon cancer?  Would you tell her if it were brain or lung cancer? 

I realize that every family dynamic is different, but this tiptoeing around what is going on is so foreign to me that I just can't understand it.  This is life.  These things happen.  Women get breast and ovarian and uterine cancers.  People get throat cancer and brain cancer.  These things happen, and they're terrible, but that's why we're family:  we fight these things as a team. 

My family "activates the family prayer effort."  I can't say that has any medicinal effect, but it brings us together and we share in our family joys and our family pains.  I can't tell you what comfort it gave me in the hospital bed after surgery to know that literally hundreds of friends and relatives were pulling for my recovery.

Also, please bear in mind that not every robotic surgery sees the patient going home the next day.  I was in the hospital for 3 days, and I was in no hurry to leave until I felt ready.

I truly wish you all the best.  I hope your surgery is a resounding success.  But the idea of talking about "naughty bits" (I don't think any part of me is "naughty") or that it might affect business is so far removed from my personal experience that it just makes no sense to me.  I wouldn't put the news on Facebook, either...at least not in my profile, but people can infer what's happened to me when I reference upcoming activities in support of prostate cancer awareness. 

I'm sure you'll find your way through these things and you'll do what works for you.  Just thought I'd add my two cents and my sincere wishes for a completely positive outcome.  Bill

 

Posted 7/27/2011 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
Cmetalman, as the daughter of a wonderful dad who never wanted to "worry" me, let me share two events that I remember to this day, even though they happened many years ago:

My mother had not been well for many years and was hospitalized for what he told me was her inability to eat. (Background: I'm a registered nurse and was working at a VA hospital within a couple of hours driving distance). I checked in with him frequently by phone and was told that she was doing "OK", so I did not feel an urgent need to go home. That all changed when my cousin called me to tell me that my mom was in ICU and that I should come home right away. We packed up and raced home in time for me to see her in ICU that evening. I knew right away that it didn't look good, and she died overnight. He wasn't in denial about her condition, but just didn't want me to worry or be upset. If my cousin hadn't called, I wouldn't have been able to see her before she died.

The second incident occurred several years later. My dad called me out of the blue to announce that he was in the hospital and had undergone surgery to have his prostate "reamed out"! I became hysterical and told him that he should NEVER EVER do this to me again....it could have been another situation like my mother's. I had never been upset with him to that extent before, and from then on he kept me informed about any and all medical/surgical events!!

When my husband developed prostate cancer we immediately told our two sons, one of whom is a registered nurse like his mom. It wouldn't have been any different if we had daughters instead - we would have done the same thing. We have kept them informed every step of the way, including the poor pathology report after surgery, the radiation therapy he went through last summer, and the continuing hormone therapy that he's on for at least another year. I feel we're a team working together to get him through this as best we can, and our guys are a great support and joy to their dad.

Wishing you well as you go forward,
Margie
Posted 7/27/2011 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
Margie, Clocknut,

After you found out that your dad got "reamed out", did you tell anyone? Could you be trusted to not tell even one person. if that was what yor dad wanted?

Was/is your Dad self employed and responsible for the family income? Was he actively bidding on competitive business proposals?

Were you able to help him by cutting the grass, preparing meals, taking care of the rain gutters, doing the banking.....?

Did you "freak out" and become more of a burden to him than no support at all?

The answer to those questions and whether or not to spill the beans are as individual as our PSAs and diagnoses.

I can't answer those questions for your situation. I only know mine - and Cmetalman only knows his.
If I was retired with a healthy pension, or working for a large company, or had a wife who was bringing home the bacon, I would probably tell everyone. But alas, I need to be up and at peak performance all the time. I do not have the luxury of slacking off or having someone think I cannot do a certain job. I am in direct competition with companies much bigger than mine. I do not want to give anyone even the suspicion that I cannot perform.
Maybe Cmetalman is in the same position. I do know that you can tell people at any time. You cannot "untell" them.

Jeff (in the closet - with my new contract)
Posted 7/27/2011 10:55 AM (GMT 0)
It's actually a two-fold situation. One being a part owner of a small company with about ten employees.My competition is a lot bigger then we are (I use to work for them).They are the sleaziest people I've ever worked for, if they find out about me they will go to our customers and turn this into "our company is going under, yada ,yada". To really blow your minds is that one of my best friends for over thirty years works for them and I can't even tell him. I don't want to put him in a situation where he might slip and tell someone and there it spreads.
Posted 7/27/2011 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
Reference to my daughter its about saying the correct words because like being in the urologist office every word he says is broken down and anaylized.
Posted 7/27/2011 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
Michael, not to be a nudge...but if you are a key cog in a small wheel, why are you not considering a less invasive treatment choice that does not require any significant absence on your part?

Also, for what it's worth, I still agree with Clock about having an adult conversation with your daughter about this. If I had started talking about "naughty bits" with my daughter she would have thought I was having a psychiatric issue rather than a urological issue...

Tudpock (Jim)
Posted 7/27/2011 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi again,

It would seem that your case, given the need for the QT treatment, might be well suited for Active Surveillance. Here's an article you can quickly scan to see if it makes any sense to you at all: http://www.prostate-cancer.org/pcricms/node/174 If you want more information, you can read Invasion of the Prostate Snatchers.

Essentially, you wouldn't need to get surgery unless further tests began to show signs of the cancer becoming higher grade. With Gleason 6 cancer and a PSA of 5, that could be quite a ways down the road, and possibly never. Fewer doctor visits in the short term, no immediate risks of ED or incontinence, or other surgery issues, and so on.

Just wanted to at least bring it up. Hope everything goes well for you.

Nellie





Posted 7/27/2011 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for the input, I just received a call from my insurance, they are sending out a nurse to talk to me to prepare me for the surgery. I will be bringing this up to her.
Posted 7/27/2011 1:30 PM (GMT 0)
My thought is that if I am fortunate to catch this early and go 100% on whatever it takes to kill this thing.why not?
Posted 7/27/2011 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
I have alot to think about.
Posted 7/27/2011 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
Cmetalman,
I also have a good friend that I did not tell. I did not want to "bless" him with he burden of secrecy. It's interesting. We do the same things we always did. The subject of PCa never comes up.

Hey Tudpock, Just for the record, I didn't actually means for him to use "naughty bits". That was a joke. I figured he would use the words that he would normally use when talking to his daughter about his reproductive organs and their environs. (Yeah, I'm sure that happens very often.) If she is the type to parse and analyze every word, then he can come up with something more generic.

I'd sure like to hear from others who have not "spilled it". Although, almost by definition, they cannot answer this question.

Just like a photo of a certain Senator's privates, once out there, it cannot be taken back.

Jeff

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 7/27/2011 7:45:31 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/27/2011 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
Can I now cut in line at Starbucks and yell "I have prostate cancer let me through"?
Posted 7/27/2011 2:48 PM (GMT 0)
No, I don't think having prostate cancer will help you get to the front of the line at Starbucks, but it WILL get you entry to a "Relay for Life" event, for example, for the survivors' walk, where the community honors those who have battled cancer.

I guess that's why this thread is so strange for me to read.  My experience is that the nearly universal reaction of people to those afflicted with cancer is consistently positive and supportive.  That anyone, whether in a corporate setting or elsewhere, would use the disease to gain an "edge" over a competitor is just plain sick.  And I would think that if a customer felt that his provider were doing that, he would immediately divorce himself from that provider.

Posted 7/27/2011 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
Like I mentioned earlier, I chose to tell very few people. At my work nobody other than my boss knows, and that was only because I needed the time off for surgery. The last thing I need is to become the subject of water-cooler talk. I also don't want the needless "hope you're doing OK" from co-workers whenever I'm walking the halls. My coworkers are just that, coworkers, and I don't need well-wishes from folks I hardly know outside of the office.

Other than a few very close friends, I see no need to burden anyone else with what is a very personal issue.
Posted 7/27/2011 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
I also have nine employees that don't know anything yet. My partner(brother) and I will be discussing in the next few weeks how to handle this.
I personally thing we should wait till the next day after surgery and explain to them that I will be returning in a couple of weeks and everything will be running as usual.
Posted 7/27/2011 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
Clocknut, I hope my jest about the Starbucks didn't offend you or anyone else. In regards to the competitor, I am only speaking from knowing what kind of people they are. I used to have a third partner but due to a major car (work truck) accident he is no longer able to continue working. We did have buy-out insurance that set him up for life. In the few hours of the accident we were receiving calls from other trades and the competitor already knew and I won't tell you the remarks we heard that were spoken.
Posted 7/27/2011 3:19 PM (GMT 0)
Cmetalman...no, I wasn't offended at all, and I hope you understand that I appreciate that we all have to deal with this disease in our own way, given our own individual circumstances.

It's just that the viciousness of the business situation you're describing is alarming.  It makes the old "Dallas" show look timid.   Your competitor's attitude is truly a sad commentary on business ethics.

Posted 7/27/2011 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
You wrote: "Can I now cut in line at Starbucks and yell "I have prostate cancer let me through"?"

No, but it will get you access to the empty handicapped stall in a public restroom.

With my new sling it takes me forever to pee. (Ok 3 minutes- but that feels like forever when there are guys standing behind you in a busy public restroom.) If I feel particularly embarrassed by the delay, as I am zipping up, I will say: "D*mn! I've got to get this thing reamed out." Usually someone will say something like "I hear you brother." or "Do it! It's great. " or "You sound just like my Dad."

There is no need for them to know the real reason.

Jeff (who enjoys 15 full minutes of peeing every day.)

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 7/27/2011 10:34:07 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/29/2011 4:31 PM (GMT 0)

Michael I am new to this blog and wish I had found it back in April when I got the call from my Uro with my biopsy results. That phone call was the worse of my life and  I was devastated at first. But the next day my Uro gave me a copy of Dr Walsh's book and I read it front to back in 2 days. I found his book made me feel better about what I was facing and so much more at ease. Other than being cured of the cancer my main concerns were continence an Erectile Dysfunction.

I had the DaVinci robot assisted surgery on June 8th and I am now almost 8 weeks post op. The post pathology report showed no cancer outside the prostate and my prognosis is 95% cured. I had my catheter removed 7 days after surgery and was dry with no pad in less than 2 weeks. I did my Kegel exercises like the doctor told me and I think that really helped.  My other concern about ED, is the only frustrating part of the post surgery so far. Both of my nerves were spared in surgery so I thought I would be back in action as soon as I was healed enough. So far Cialis, Viagra and MUSE have not worked, but the doctor keeps telling me to be patient it will come back, but he is going to try me on TRIMIX penile injections next week just to help get some blood flow back.

The best thing you will need is support and understanding from you family and friends and especially your wife. I told both my 30 something kids about the diagnosis and they were worried at first but my very positive outlook really comforted them. In fact my 35 year old son went out and got his first PSA and screening last month.

I too own a small business and many of my customers know about my surgery and were also very supportive. I do a lot of networking for my business and I have started educating  people on Prostate Cancer and how important screening are. I got a call from one of my fellow net worker last week. He is 55  and had never been screened for PC or had a PSA test. After I told him about the PSA test he had his primary doctor do one and it came back with a 10.4 PSA. He was referred to a Urologist and the biopsy confirmed he had early stage T1 cancer and his call to me was thanking me for probably saving his life.

The more you know about Prostate Cancer the better prepared you will be to face and survive it. Good luck in September and contact me if you have any questions.

Posted 7/29/2011 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
Water Guy, thanks for your support.When I was told about the PC my first reaction was "do whatever needs to be done", I'll deal with the side effects later. Also congrats on your recovery! Everytime I read about someones success it gives me hope.
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