I hate this cancer

Indeed I do .. I hate this cancer. It has hijacked my life. It is impossible to pass a single day without the disease squirreling somehow into my thoughts. I think that maybe we are too quick to appraise quality of life on a physical rather than an emotional platform. Still, we deal with it, each in our own way. We make our lives work despite the presence of the elephant in the room.
I'd love to hear how my brothers in this room find that fortress of solitude when they need it most.
Let's hear how you get out of Dodge.

Jim

Jim
thanks for the post. I never really struggled with the diagnosis of cancer but I sure as heck did with the treatment. When I went on ADT3 for two years I thought it was going to wipe me out. My saving grace was exercise. I was a runner, biker, and swimmer. Not I will admit it was not easy but somehow I found the will and strength to do it. Once I did I always felt better. I also love to read positive spiritual books and that helped to. I wish you well my friend and I hope you stay in touch.
peace and love
Dale

I suppose I’m a little luckier than most on this board, but IT also consumes my thoughts most of the day.  And as some have said, it’s not the cancer, (thank G-d, I’m now indetectable), but the side effects, I just want to be normal again.

 

Luckily as time goes by (I’m only at 9 weeks), and as long as I am busy, (work, family, etc), I get a few minutes where my mind is not consumed.  As others have said, exercise helps.  My wife say’s I read too much, and need to back away from the internet once in a while.

 

On a lighter note, my wife says I think about sex (or the lack thereof) too much these days, that it consumes all my thoughts.  I told her, “It’s pretty much consumed all my thoughts since I was 16”.  We both got a chuckle out of that.

 

I like Raddad's analogy of "Fortress of Solitude".  Nobody outside of my wife, a couple of friends, my boss, and this forum know about my situation.  This is personal battle, not a public one.

Like has already been mentioned, I truly hate what this disease has done to me, not so much physically but mentally.  The physical symptoms can be dealt with; it's the mental changes that are less manageable.  It's usually the first thought that pops into my head each morning and the last thing I think of when falling to sleep.  That is, when I sleep.

I try to exercise at least an hour a day, four to five days a week and that definitely helps. 

I have my Harley to work on, too.  Hours spent out in the garage twisting wrenches are hours I don't think about my illness.  Unfortunately, I'm running out of chrome doo-dads to bolt on!

But with Spring coming, my time twisting wrenches in the garage will be supplanted with time twisting the throttle out on the road.  There's nothing like two-wheel therapy to clear one's mind.  That's why you don't see motorcycles parked outside the psychiatrist's office.

Cancer invades the thought processes of my household most days at various times.

As most of you know my wife and I are both dealing with it. However, as much as it comes into our lives each day, it comes only as a part of our daily routines.

I have long thought that I approach PCa differently than most. Maybe it is the fact that mine is so minor in comparison to my wife's. Her battles and difficulties are so much greater than mine. Even with a rising PSA I am being blessed with the fact than mine, at present, is not detracting from my abilities in caring for my wife.

We approach each day as routine. We approach each day as "Every Day is A Bonus" and we do not let cancer consume us. We live each day with joy and look for new experiences. Every day is precious and is filled with wonder. Cancer is only something that requires attention when it is time for the next pill or doctor's appointment or test.

It is not something that we have a great amount of control over. Each of our cancer activities is given no more importance than daily chores, like preparing meals, doing the laundry, or mowing the grass. It just is what it is.

It is only just a part of my life and I am living that life fully each and every day.

My wife and I are both at peace with our lives and with whatever direction they take us next.

YES! Cancer sucks, it takes energy, requires thought and brings about change.

But perhaps it also brings the other aspects of living into a much more sharper and clearer focus. It allows us to place a much higher priority on all of the other aspects of living and enjoying life.

We experience the days with a higher level of awareness. The colors are brighter, the food tastes better, the conversations are more indepth and meaningful and the LOVE IS STRONGER and more complete.

I am sure that most of you have experienced this to some degree. open yourselves up to it and you will find that in some respects dealing with cancer is a freeing experience. We have a greater ability to not sweat the small stuff. And in comparison, most of what we deal with in life is the small stuff. Most are just minor inconveniences or irritants. Living and Loving are the things that require our higher levels of energy.

To cancer we only give what is required and nothing more.

Sonny and Lynn

Jim,

For me, it was a shock and very upsetting at first. But, I agree with what Sonny wrote .. it is almost freeing at this point in my journey. I had to confront my mortality (as everyone, PC or not, will at some point). I confronted it and now am free to move on. I love and appreciate every day now. I feel great. I still think about cancer a lot but I attack all side effects with the goal of driving them to be a non-issue. My wife and I have become even closer and even better friends than before (And, it was great before this.) We have fun. We laugh about and at cancer. We make cancer jokes, side effect jokes, etc. I am very open with my friends and colleagues. I think there are hundreds of people that know I have prostate cancer and they provide a lot of positive feedback and encouragement. I stay very busy with work and then singing as a hobby. I place a high priority on exercise and am in the best shape of my life. Life is good. I have no idea what the future holds but I am going to be ok with whatever happens.

Great post Jerry...

Tony

Jerry - Love the list ... especially #5. Only I would say ADOPT a dog and save a life. He/she will be forever grateful and you will too. Dogs are THE best listeners! ;) They do require a lot of time, attention and $$ but return it many times over.
I would add: Read good books and get a good night's sleep even if it requires occasionally taking a sleep aid. You can't cope with life if you don't have restorative sleep and not sleeping well will harm you MUCH more than the occasional sleep aid ... we all need a little help from time to time.

Truly excellent replies guys. Knowing what works for your brothers gives you a much deeper well to draw from. It's comforting to know that this disease can never really defeat the resilience, resourcefulness and humor of it's victims.
It's also comforting to know that Jerry is the nut in the car next to me.
Enjoy the weekend.

Jim