Sonny and Lynn Update - 2012 may be a bit of a struggle

For my part, basically nothing is new. I have not had another PSA test since the one last September, as per my Onco’s orders. And it has been a helluva battle within not to call and order one myself.

I have scheduled my next scan in the clinical trial with the National Institute of Health for the 21st of February. They will do a PSA when I first get there as a part of the trial procedure. Then I am supposed to meet with my Onco in March.

And just because I was feeling a little bored, I went to the doc today and scheduled for a Colonoscopy. I have never had one and at 63 it is probably about time. Told the doc that with my rising PSA and that no scans could find a reason, maybe that is where the little buggers are hiding. Doc got a good laugh out of that, but said she would look real close.

Now for the update on my lovely Lynn. Much has happened in the last month or so and things are looking a little different.

Lynn had to have a blood transfusion 2 days before she began her 3 weeks of radiation because her counts had gotten so low again. She went through the radiation okay and then the expected side effects kicked in. Since they were radiating her entire pelvis and both legs down to the knees, you can guess what the side effects were.

She finished radiation on Friday, December 23rd and on Tuesday, December 27th we had to put her in the hospital. She was dehydrated and her counts were low. While she was in there she had to have another transfusion. It took them about a week to get control of the side effects where she could eat and drink and keep it in. She was there through New Years and I brought her home on January 2nd. As an aside, I was with her at midnight on New Year’s Eve and she asked if I was going to kiss her. I told her I sure was if she could get her head out the bucket long enough. True love that’s for sure.

We have had a lot of conversations with all of her docs in the last month and the bottom line is that they do not feel that any of the chemo regimens available will do her any good. In fact they feel that they may degrade her health further and more quickly.

Lynn and I have had many, many, long hours of conversations about all of this. I told Lynn that I would support her decisions whole heartedly.

I was talking with one of our fellow PCa brothers about all of this and I said that while I was not prepared to say goodbye to Lynn, I was also not prepared to see her suffer long term. His reply will be forever etched in my heart; “That is an extremely sharp sword my friend and either way it will cut you to the soul.”

Lynn has decided that for at least the time being, she will not have any more treatments. She reserves the right to change her mind, but feels that she has fought this battle for 6 years and it might be time to put it into stronger hands than ours. She has a tremendous and deep sense of faith and is not fearful.

She is feeling a little better now. She is at peace with everything. I think she is seeing some pain relief from the completed radiation. She is as gorgeous as ever and her spirit lights the room. But we know that her cancer is still very aggressive. Her bone marrow is just not doing its job of regenerating blood.

We have arranged for MD Anderson to have someone come to the house weekly and draw blood for tests. It is just too much a pain in the ass for her to have to get made up and dressed to go down there for a 10 minute lab draw. They offered and we accepted. We can find other more productive ways to spend the time.

We spend hours and hours talking. We are both in a really good place right now.

Recently she was telling me that she felt bad for me and what I was going through with her. I told her that I considered it a blessing.

How many husbands get the chance to fully live through every word of the marriage vows? I have been given the chance to find out that I possess the character and strength of a husband. I feel blessed to meet the requirements. I feel honored to be in her presence. And I am lucky and blessed that she chose me to be by her side these almost 29 years. There is no doubt that I married up.

She is positive and upbeat and says that her more immediate goal is to feel up to the journey to Baton Rouge for GFMPH. She does not want me to go alone or have to stay home.

She wants so badly to see those of you that she has previously met and she wants to meet the rest of you that have been so kind and supportive to us both.

I sure hope we can make it happen.

Thank you my friends for being here for us. Thank you for allowing me to share our lives with you.

Sonny

Sonny and Lynn, you two have the most courage, love and endurance as any couple I have ever known. Love for each other continues to hold you close and strenghten you both. Cling to that.....and I am praying that we can see dear Lynn in BR. Love to both..

Dear Sonny,

I don't think I've written you before. I've been on here for five months for my dad. I have read some of your posts before. This forum is amazing to me as two strangers can share the most important yet difficult moments in their lives with each other.

Please know that I will keep you and Lynn in my thoughts and prayers from this day forward. Wishing you quality time together and as much peace as possible.

Sincerely, - D

Like Tony, the two of you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers. We are old enough to remember the Ryan O'neal and Ali McGraw  movie where the line "Love means never having to say your sorry" was spoken. My guess is the two of you will never have to say that to each other and you are both blessed to have found such great love in a relationship. Give Lynn my best and hope that the two of you make it to Baton Rouge.

Michael

You are both in my paryers.
Hope to meet both of you in Baton Rouge.

 

Sonny,

What a great love you two have for each other, our prayers are with you both.

Jerry1 & MJ

Sony and Lynn -
- your letter today symbolizes (for lack of a better word) what we try to strive for in our lives and relationships - honesty, devotion, love, courage and hope, passion and compassion.
- we are blessed by knowing you - and as with others, you are in our thoughts and prayers,
hugs,
Bronson and Steve

Sonny,

The Blue Birds are gathering - literally. There is a flock headed for GFMPH weekend.

 

Dear Lynn and Sonny,
My eyes teared up when I read your touching report. I'm so sorry that things have not turned around for you guys. I wish that I had something positive to say to you, but words fail me, except to tell you that I wish for the very best for both of you.
You're in my thoughts.
Mag

Sonny, your love for Lynn is nourishment for her body and soul.  Although a difficult decision has been made, it seems to be the right decision for the moment.  May God grant you peace and bring those special moments of happiness into yoiur life.  Your deep love is a positive influence on others.

Much blessings,

Aimzee

Sonny and Lynn: there is no doubt that the vows you took when you married are alive and well. Sonny, your post brought tears to my eyes, and broke my heart...yet, I found it one of the most uplifting and inspiring posts I've ever read here.

Further words fail me - my heart is simply too heavy. We love you both, and will keep you close to our hearts and in our prayers.

Sephie and John from New York

Sonny,

I've also never met you but I cannot help but be moved by your post. Both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Sonny,

I, like many others in here, am in tears after reading your post and there isn't much more I can say.  I know from meeting you in NY that Lynn didn't marry up as much as she was dam lucky to have found a man like you who has the love and courage to fight with her every step of her journey fighting this terrible disease, cancer. Ten Years a go my wife's sister was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and her scum of a husband couldn't face it and left her rather than stand by her side and fight with her to beat the cancer. She beat the cancer and is now cancer free after her initial diagnoses gave her less than a year to live, so there is always hope.

I am looking forward to seeing you again in April and I know all of us in this forum can not wait to meet Lynn and we pray that her wish to be there with you and us comes true.

Terry

PS: On the colonoscopy, I had one 3 years ago and it way way easier and painless, than the prostate biopsy. I was under the whole time and felt nothing and was home and working that afternoon.