Intimacy

An errection and orgasm are two different processes.  He doesn't have to get a hard errection on his own to experience the strong feelings and orgasm.  At two months post surgery me and my wife discovered I could orgasm, even multiple times, with a flacid penis.  And my orgasms are so much longer and stronger than before surgery.  And since my orgasms are dry and there's no seminal vessels to refill, I can go again if the rest of my body is up to it. Something I hadn't done in over 40 years. 

Now that things are coming back and I'm getting a little help from stimulation and arousal we're currently using low dose trimix. It works well.  The experience is very good and junior lasts longer than I do.   Talk to a doctor with experience in treating ED after radiation/radical surgery.  btw, the needle is no big deal, just the thought of it at first.  We joke about it now.  I dread the little lancet blood sample for my diabetic test strips more than a trimix injection. 

I believe there's a fix for you and your hubby, you just need to find the right one.  best regards, hj

Some of the guys mentioned the fear of failure has caused some lack of desire.  Another factor may be your husband's general health.  Feeling tired or anxious may also be a factor.  Believe me, I totally understand your desire for a completion through your husband's erection.  I think you do know he will no longer ejaculate but might experience an orgams with or without a complete erection.  Through various methods researched and his doctor's recommendation, you may find a method which can achieve the desires you have!  Several have already been suggested, and there may be a forum for women which address your personal questions.  (Although, over here, just about anything is discussed!)   

I am comfortable here at HW and have made friends, both male and female.  The possibility of future intercourse remains in the back of our minds, but we are dealing with a different sort of problem.  Our closeness has been measured by other things.  Yes, I do miss that closeness and orgasm, but I am so happy he IS here with our children and Grandchildren - that I remain grateful that there are other ways to achieve intimacy!

Please understand Kathy, we haven't given up; however, it doesn't have the top priority it had in our younger years.  I agree with Bud -  if he has a twinkle in his eye - that's a great beginning.  I hope you can experiement and perhaps achieve success!!  Indeed, he IS your Miracle Man with a Gleason 10.  I am so happy for both of you!  Look around and get as much information as you can - and go from there.  There are also videos which may be recommended in trying to find the best solution fo ED.  Some things may not work, while something else may bring great success! 

Wishing you both good luck and happiness as you continue on your journey!

Aimzee

I had the usual side effects from a radical prostatectomy: incontinence and ED

Incontinence was the biggest quality of life issue for me.  I couldn't go without a diaper for months.  When your're dripping urine who in their right mind even wants to have sex with you?  It would take a special person, but even then, forget about oral or the cuddling afterward.  I've read on this forum that some wives overlook the leakage and do their part anyway.  My wife was understanding but when it came to the dripping, it was a deal breaker for sex.  I knew that I'd have to address my incontenence first.  I was determined to do whaterver it took to get it fixed even if it was a series of surgeries and installing a manual valve.  Forunately it didn't take anything but time and execise (especially kegles) to resolve the issue.  I still have a few drops when lifting something real heavy, but a strong errection shuts my bladder off completely so there's no issue concerning sex. I believe a lot of leg lifts and kegles helped the healing process.  I can't even pee until junior goes down below half mast....and that's a good thing.

The next thing to address was ED.  I was always able to preform before my surgery but junior was totally dead afterward.  Again, I was determined to do whatever  possible to be able to have sex with my sweetheart again.  I tried pills first, then the pump, and finally injections.  The pump and injections worked.  The VED pump wasn't very convenient and even the largest ring was a little painful for me.  The pump is good for up to 30 minutes and it certainly did the job.   After a follow up trip to Moffitt, my surgeon's nurse referred me to a Urologist that prescribes injections.  They work extremely well.  I haven't been on them very long but I'm convinced they are the best for me and my sweety. Actually, the injections make my errections harder and last longer than before my surgery.  It puts a smile of both of us.

There was a little bit of pain during errection with both the pump and injections but the tissue hadn't been stretched that tight in a looooong time.  The discomfort has subsided quite a bit now.  It's down to a very mild discomfort that's ok with me considering the results.  I'm hoping it will eventually go away altogether.

One thing my errections gave me was the feeling I've regained part of my manhood.  It feels good to know I can perform and please my sweetheart, even with artificial help.    Are the errection aids perfect? No... but they can be good enough to regain the enjoyment of an important part of life.  I'm hoping to get to the point where my body heals enough to only need pills.  Who knows, maybe I would have eventually needed pills, pump and injections anyway....even if I never had cancer.  Age eventually takes it away at some point regardless.

Bette Davis said this so well  "getting old is not for sissies". 

Ain't that the darn TRUTH?.... and I'm dealing with it and still marching on!

KJ63 I know you and your hubby with do well.  Blessing to you both,  hj