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Posted 7/27/2012 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
As i'm getting over the shock of being in the club, I'm starting to think of how to tell people and who to tell. I've got friends, customer/friends, employees, relatives ... so far just my family knows. And i'm wondering how to tell and who to tell and how they'll take it. Thoughts?
Posted 7/27/2012 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
Not sure there is a wrong or right way Steel. Likely has more to do with our personality. I didnt tell people at work about my surgery except my boss. But when radiation started I took more time off and more people knew. Each of us handles this in a way that reflects who we are. Good luck and keep us posted.

Michael

Posted 7/27/2012 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Something for you to consider...you should anticipate that people will ask or want to know what you are going to do. I wouldn't tell many more people until you have your plan established (sorry, I don't recall for sure, but I don't think I've seen you write specifically about your plan here yet; not sure if you are at that step or not yet). This way, for whomever you decide to tell, you can say, "My situation is ___, AND I'm going to do ___."
Posted 7/27/2012 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
That is a very individual choice. I had to till my sec. At work and the cat was out the bag. Never had a problem at all with it. The were all very supportive. The actually gave me a going to surgery party.

Cajun Jeff

Come to think about it Cajuns aways want to find a reason to party. :)
Posted 7/27/2012 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
Steel,
I agree that you shouldn't tell too many people, especially at work, until you have a plan. I didn't tell most people at work until after I had surgery. First, I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. Second, I didn't need the distraction. Now I'm in radiation, and if someone ask about my PC I'm more than willing to talk about it. Go with how it feels and you can't go wrong.
Posted 7/27/2012 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
 I agree with others.... untill you have a plan and have gotton over the initial shock of it all, I know I only told family and close friends. As time passed I talked about it more, I was really looking for as many people as possible that could share their experience with me. You'll be suprised at how many people you know that will say, my dad had that or my uncle... Good luck to you in your decision process and remember.... lot's of good people here with great info       Jeff
Posted 7/27/2012 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Steel,

I think you ask a good question that most of us have had to digest before in our journeys. When you get down to it, its very personal and subjective. Depends on how you are with your family, friends, co-workers and other professional people that you have to deal with.

My approach was somewhat different than some of the posters. I was, and still am, an open book about my cancer (and previous cancers). I will talk to anyone that wants to hear about it, though I don't push it on anyone, i.e. a stranger.

Most reactions in my life about cancer have positive, but there were a few in my real life that thought I had "cooties" and they would catch it by talking to me. With those type, I figure it was their loss, not mine. Overall, I have had excellent support with those in real life circle.

You should do whatever you are most comfortable with, there is no right or wrong approach to this.

Wishing you the best,

David in SC
Posted 7/27/2012 5:10 AM (GMT 0)
Each of us has to find our own way on this one but I didn't tell anyone for awhile - except for my wife who has been with me every step of the way.

I needed time to sort things out. Didn't really start telling people until I had a treatment plan in place and had some idea what I would say. Most people I told were understanding and supportive. Only one was, um, 'less than helpful' but not nasty. I did find that many people were very curious about PC and what was going on with me (there's a lot of miss and missing info out there - be ready to help fill in those that want to know more). The big thing was to figure out what I was going to share and to be ready for the questions that would pop up. I got a lot of, "I don't know what to say" and "Is there anything I can do." I did get a small number of responses like, "That sucks," and one or two, "My father/brother/uncle had that." I did find that my manager and people at work were very supportive but tended to treat me as fragile for awhile - they've gotten over that...

I did start a blog about my journey with PC. Partly because the writing helped sort out my feelings and partly as a way to communicate with friends and family about what was going on without having to retell the same story over and over. Fatigue was a real problem for me during treatment and I didn't have a lot of emotional energy for talk to everyone I know so the blog became a great way for me to stay in touch with lots of folks.

I one big surprise I got was at a woodworking club I attend - told them after a meeting I was going to miss a couple of months and was surprised by the number of men that say, "I had that." Found out that one guy in club was having surgery the next week.

You'll know when you're ready to start talking about it.

All the best,
Andrew
Posted 7/27/2012 5:27 AM (GMT 0)
Steel – Sorry you’re in the club. When you decide to tell people, I think you will be surprised by the amount of support you will get. You don’t say if you are married, but if so, the support your wife gets will benefit her greatly as well. Also, someone may be encouraged to get their PSA checked, just from hearing about your situation. And as abc40kids said, you are likely to find out that someone you know has been through this – and to be able to talk to them about their experience and ask questions is a great comfort – much like this forum. Best of Luck to you.
_
Posted 7/27/2012 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
I don't bother announcing the fact, but I also don't mind mentioning it when a related topic pops up. I still find it funny how some people react.....the best comment so far is "will you lose all your hair?"....lol
Posted 7/27/2012 3:59 PM (GMT 0)
If this were the best of all possible worlds, I'd have preferred to maintain my privacy. But at the time of my original open RP 10 years ago, I had no choice but to tell co-workers because I needed to take a leave of absence for the surgery and recuperation. Also my job (bids and proposals) required my involvement with people throughout the company, so it wasn't feasible for me to vanish without explanation. These days, with the quicker recovery offered by robotic surgery, etc. I would have tried to limit the reason for a (much briefer) absence to just those I worked closely with day-to-day.

When I had salvage radiation two years ago, I needed to work at home for the better part of two months, mostly for logistical reasons - my office was 30 miles in one direction and the hospital was a dozen miles in the other direction, so working at home meant I was only away from my computer for an hour or so and was otherwise able to do my normal job in a company where most meetings include people who dial in from various remote locations around the country. So I explained my absence to the co-workers I worked with day-to-day and to others who were assigned to projects I was working on. If anyone else was curious, I'm sure they found out through the grapevine.

As for family and personal friends, I told only a very few about the salvage radiation. I told my adult daughter and son-in-law but swore them to secrecy because I didn't--and still don't--want news of the salvage radiation getting back to my 87 year old mother, who knows I had surgery a decade ago and was presumably cured.
Posted 7/27/2012 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
I told people at work, family, else where, gradually depending on circumstances and my mood. I was surprised to hear back how many people knew someone who had it.
Posted 7/27/2012 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks ... I was seeing some good friends today; I thought i was going to, but i couldn't tell them.  Maybe as you all suggest, once the treatment plan is in play then it'll be easier/more succinct. 

Right now i'm on Casodex/Lupron ... seeing Radiation Oncologist next month to talk about treatment plans.  Pretty much have ruled out surgery.  I'm figuring HDR + IGRT -- but we'll see what he thinks!

Ray

Posted 7/28/2012 5:47 AM (GMT 0)
Its a hard choice to make and in some cases hard to even tell people including familly. You will come to the right answer for you. The weird thing is in the workplace is when you tell that one person...the one special person that is in almost every workplace your problem suddenly takes on a new life. Soon you'll have every known illness nature has to offer..


Good luck with your treatment and your close friends may need to know...Lots going on in your head right now so stay positive. At some point you may want to talk about it even if you don't now. I definatly went though stages where talking helped...Other times not so much.

Prayers going up..
Posted 7/28/2012 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
I made no secret of my diagnosis, but then I have a job where there's no need for secrecy. Not everyone is so lucky.

Once I scheduled surgery, I sent an email to my colleagues at work telling them that I had prostate cancer, that they caught it very early, that I would be off work for surgery, that the prognosis was excellent, and that my doctor and I were very optimistic.

I got a lot of well-wishing, but little inquiry beyond that. I told my family and friends the same thing, and only got into details with a couple people. Most people don't want or need the details, but they'd like to know if you're going through a major life event, and they'd like to know that you're alright.

If I had it to do over again, I'd do it the same way. Everybody was very nice about it, and not at all intrusive.
Posted 7/28/2012 1:29 PM (GMT 0)
The only folks that know about my PCa, other than my wife of course, is my boss and a few very close friends. Nobody else at my work knows and I prefer to keep it that way. They are coworkers, not part of my small "inner circle", and I saw no need to become the topic of water-cooler talk. I didn't tell anyone else in my family either as I didn't see any point in it. My mom is pushing 80 and she doesn't need the additional stress in life of knowing her son has cancer.

Maybe that's too extreme but that's the way I feel, even a year later after my operation.
Posted 7/28/2012 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
I was diagnosed april of 2011 and scheduled my surgery that september.I wanted to enjoy my summer so we rented a place down the shore and had family stay with us for a week.In the meantime no one knew about my cancer.

Not until two weeks before my surgery did I tell my daughter(26) and family about my upcoming surgery.I kept the PC from my employees and competitors,I had many reasons for them not knowing.
Posted 7/28/2012 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
This has been a lot like quitting smoking for me. Once I quit, I kept hassling others about there habit. Now I meet a middle aged guy, and I ask him if he knows how his PSAs trend. Then I tell him why.
Posted 7/28/2012 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
I am with David in SC.
We have been an open book about my husband's PCa. I also have a business where I have clients (mostly women) and they love to talk.
I have found support as well but also have found that most of my clients have been touched by this horrible monster,through family members, friends or just know someone struggling with PCa.
It's like having another support group and for us it helps to discuss their experiences with it, as well as get the word out about PSA testing necessity!
Everyones has to feel comfortable with their choices and how they handle who they talk to about it however.

BOOGEE
Posted 7/28/2012 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
BOOGEE, since you mention it, all the males in my family including the in-laws seem to ignore the subject while the women have no problem asking how I'm doing.
Posted 7/29/2012 1:15 PM (GMT 0)
I'm self employed so I didn't have that whole workplace issue to deal with. I told family first and then I sent an email out to my close friends, I kept the email very light and positive.

From that point on I talked to anyone who wanted to listen, even the gory details and side effects.
Posted 7/29/2012 1:31 PM (GMT 0)
The other day, I found myself on the golf course playing nine holes with a guy I had never met before. Neither of us was playing particularly well, and on about the fourth hole he started telling me how he had worked in construction and had all these old injuries and how that affected his ability to swing the club. I listened to all that and then just said quietly that I had prostate cancer two years ago. After that, I didn't hear any more about his physical problems. That was sort of like pulling out the trump card, I guess.

Generally, though, I have absolutely no problem talking with anyone about the whole issue, and especially with guys who SHOULD know about it, but perhaps don't. The support of family, friends, and co-workers was of great help to me before and after the surgery. Everyone on my side of the family knew what was going on, but. for on reason or another, a lot of folks on my wife's side still don't. My wife didn't tell them about it, and I don't talk to her relatives as much.
Posted 7/29/2012 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
I keep it to myself. Most of the guys I work with know what I have been through and know of the post surgery side effects. It's something that is not talked about. Most women I know have no problem talking about their reproductive system amongst other women. In reality, it's more than I ever want to know. Beyond that, I think that the ladies are much wiser on these sensitive subjects.

Unfortunately I feel that I am qualified to protect the sultan's harem. I wonder what the salary is for that position?
Posted 7/29/2012 6:57 PM (GMT 0)
I wear a bracelet that lets the world know how I feel about cancer When asked what it means, I tell them about my cancer. I'm not ashamed of it. If me telling people helps save one more man from this stupid disease,it's all worth it.
My bracelet says F skullck Cancer.
Posted 7/29/2012 8:56 PM (GMT 0)
I teach at a University. Once I was set for surgery, there was no point keeping it a secret. Our Department is mostly male anyway, so it is a topic that should concern all men.

I sent an email explaining the situation.

I have had nice support and I have not been treated any differently. Frankly it's one less burden for me; it would be harder keeping this a secret.

Mel

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