Do I need to wear bling with my new underwear?

(I believe it is Friday somewhere on the planet now.)

Guys,
This is a tough question for you.
I've been wearing Fruit of the Loom and BVD fly briefs since my mother got me my first pair of "big boy" undies.
Since my surgery 3.5 years ago, out of the thousands of times I have peed, there have only been a handful of instances where I actually used the fly. And the results were not always positive. Usually I just pull the undies to the side and let fly into my red solo cup.

I am thinking of making the life altering decision of buying undies that have no fly! All the models I see wearing them have 6 pack abs, with oiled and glossed bodies totally devoid of body hair. (I figure it's due to hormones in the milk.)

If I get these undies, will I need to start shaving my chest? Will I need new form-fitting shirts unbuttoned down to my sternum. Will I have to wear gold chains and bling? Will I need to find the obligatory 20 something female that always seems to be attached to the package? Will I have to change my name to "The Situation"? I am deeply concerned, as some of these requirements would be difficult changes for me.

I want to make sure the undies fit right but have no experience in these matters. Any advice would be appreciated.

Jeff (in his BVDs)

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 11/8/2012 7:03:19 PM (GMT-7)

You could always keep your old undies and sew up the hole - just pull down on the elastic waist band and do what comes naturally ( with some assistance from your bionic sling - we have the technology to rebuild him ... )
Better that than going backwards and buying Pamper Pullups with a Batman or Spiderman logo...

Bronson

Why not just go ahead and get a thong? Has ready access in three different directions. And you get the positive additional benefit of an all day butt floss.

The variety of colors and styles can amply enhance the physique of a man of your reputed stature.

Warning, when making a fast escape from an unfamiliar location, sometimes it is difficult to figure out which hole is which to put your leg in. Putting it on sideways is quite uncomfortable and can be very tough to explain in emergency rooms.

It's simple, get the ones shaped like an elephants trunk, fill it with Oil-Dri or Zip Zorb, and you won't need a pad or pheromones either as the bulge will do your talking for you.

Do I need to wear bling with my new underwear?

Just depends on who see's you in them

In regards to your bling, and so I can get a more complete mental image and hopefully avoid nightmares, are you talking about the kind you drape on or over your neck, or the kind on fingers and or toes, or are you talking about punching little holes in your anatomy and inserting various metallic implements?

If the latter, be careful for leaks as you may need to use two red Solo cups each time you go. And they might tear the pads.

zufus --- and I thought I've seen everything...

Jeff,

You have me a little worried. (maybe that is what worried guy means) Maybe if you would have filled out the questionnaire when you joined, I wouldn't have been so surprised. I was totally unaware of your exhibitionist tendencies.

I didn't think too much about it when you sent me a pair of underwear in response to my request for dry pants and a woodie. Oh, the little plastic character from Toy Story has helped me deal with ED in unusual ways. But now I must reconsider your generosity. Where exactly did that underwear come from ? Have I been wearing it correctly. How many years old was it ?

The visions of you with a hairy chest, a six pack, and a bling ring around your thing will most likely cause a nightmare or two.

It seems to me you might want the little pocket so that you can show off the bling when asked.

Goodlife

Jeff - neat thing to do...

Too funny. I agree that GFMPH is not a good reason to have several 20 something women hanging off your arm!!!!

Thanks for the giggle today
Susan

Worried Guy,

HAHA....
Kathy

I have found a wife-approved way to have two very attractive 20-somethings at my elbow every day, smiling and chatting and smearing my pubes with lubes.

Then they are done with the ultrasound, they wipe me off, leave the room, zap me with x-rays and bill me $2,800.00 per session. But there is always something.

I can't say I have upgraded my undergarments for this frolicsome activity, but I do try to stay on top of the hygiene. Wouldn't want the young ladies to think I have an actual cod in my codpiece.

Is that a cod in your codpiece or are you happy to see me?