Last November my boyfriend, at the age of 54, went in for his yearly physical. At that point his doctor informed him that his PSA had been creeping up steadily over the past few years and he was scheduled for another PSA test a month later. The second PSA test was again in the high range. His doctor advised that he get scheduled for a biopsy. The biopsy was performed. Please remember, after a biopsy is performed he may have blood in his urine and may ejaculate blood after sex for as long as a month afterwards. This is completely normal and will not hurt the partner. It did take me a little while to assure him that I was completely fine with what may happen. Guys are going through a lot of emotions at this time and it is very important to show them you are there to support them and most importantly treat them like the person you fell in love with because nothing has changed.
He had to wait a few days to receive the results of the biopsy. In my mind there was no way he had cancer. He was a very healthy 54 year old, active sex life and had an active life in general. Two days after Christmas he heard the three words no one wants to hear “You have cancer.” To say the least, we were both devastated. As hard as it is, I knew I had to be strong. Don’t get me wrong, there were times I broke down but for the most part I stayed positive around him. There is a considerable age difference between the two of us and the first thing he told me was that I had a lot of life to live yet and if I wanted to leave him this was my way out. There was no way I was going to give up on what we had…I was going to be in it for the long haul and we were going to get through this together!
I had no idea where I should turn. It was this forum that gave me hope that he would, in fact, come out of this exactly how he went in…just without a prostate. J That is why I am writing on this forum to let others know there is hope.
His Gleason Score was 3+4. He did a lot of research on which procedure would be best for him. He ended up having his surgery at Mayo Clinic in March of 2012. The doctor was phenomenal and surgery went great. The cancer was removed and it was possible to spare his nerves. It is very important to know what your restrictions are and to abide by them. Not abiding by them may put you back. He had the catheter for 10 days. He did have some problems with bladder spasms. If you have bladder spasms it is important to take the pills your doctor prescribes for you to lessen the pain. It is very important to start waking after surgery. It helps with the blood clots as well as it helps with incontinence. After the catheter was removed it was time for us to reconnect. With a relationship like ours it did not take long. You cannot have sex this soon after surgery, however, it is very important to maintain erections daily. Maintaining that blood flow is huge. The day after his catheter was removed he was able to get an erection.
He was completely incontinent from the day his catheter was removed. After three months he was able to go the night without a pad. After six months he was able to go the day without wearing a pad. The only issue he has now is when he drinks alcohol. The nerves relax more but this too is getting better. Now, almost 9 months post-surgery he is 95% continent.
As far as sex, he is sexually active. It was not always easy but if you stay positive, be patient and want the same thing it will happen. He took Cialis every day for the first three months. After that he only took them as needed. We also experimented with the vacuum pump for a few months. He is close to not taking any Cialis at all and we have discontinued the use of the pump for quite some time now. He can maintain an erection 3-4 times a day without the use of Cialis or his pump.
He has also had two PSA tests that have came back as ZERO!
I am here to tell you if someone you know has been diagnosed with prostate cancer don’t give up on them. It will be ok. Be positive for them, do your research and be patient. If you are both willing, this will be a successful surgery. I can honestly say I am proud of him for his recovery and I am happy we could get through this together.