Surgery Scheduled - Who needs to know? Business Associates or friends?

tom0613,prior to my surgery over 16 months ago I had the same questions and concerns.I own a small company with my brother and was worried that my competition would find out, they are(add curse word here) ruthless .I was concern that they would spread rumors that our company was in trouble and that we were not going to be around for long.Also I didn't tell my employees either for fear of them worring about their job security.They think I had surgery for a hernie.

Only people who know are my family and very close friends.

Another question is: what exactly to tell people?

I'm not keen for family members to know that I'm having RP. That is pretty much announcing to the world that I'll be needing pee pads and can't get an erection (for awhile, at least). That's a bit more info than I'd like to share.

Of course, when my sons are in their 20s, I'll give them exact details so that they can monitor their prostate health carefully (in case PCa is hereditary).

-Gedman

My husband told all our family and friends as well as his boss and co-workers. Gedman, you might be surprised to learn that many (if not most) people have no idea about the side effects of surgery so I wouldn't worry too much about them "knowing" you need a pee pad or "can't get it up". Besides you may not experience either SE.

Tom, as far as planning on going back to work a week or 10 days later, you may find that a bit ambitious. My husband was able to work from home and starting working a few hours a day about a week after surgery. Of course, once he started working, it was difficult to limit himself to just a few hours each day, and he wound up working more and more hours. Since he was told not to drive until he had the follow-up with his surgeon to check incisions, remove staples and the catheter, he had no choice. Once those babies were out, though, he gave himself one more day at home then started driving to his place of employment. He has said many times that he regretted not taking more time to recuperate. Of course, if you are a business owner, it's much more difficult to stay away from things.

In my work environment, telling customers would be a dead-stop, career-ending move. I need the insurance. That is one of the reasons I am completely anonymous here.

I told only those who absolutely had to know in order to guarantee business continuity. Some other co-workers have figured it out over time, but I don't announce it. MBA kids don't understand the value of the old guys, and would just as soon push me out to make room for themselves.

every one or no one. Im a big mouth so you can guess who I told…...

Tom0613

I own my own business and bid on contracts. I did not tell anyone besides my immediate family and one neighbor so he could take care of the lawn for me. I did not even tell my mother! She still does not know.
I did not want any business associates thinking even for one millisecond that I couldn't not do what I did before.
I lied and told people I took off two weeks to take care of my poor mother in Florida.

One of my neighbors is rather "chatty" and can absolutely not be trusted to keep her mouth shut. She would have put my name on a prayer list and then everyone on the area would have known. It would not be long before a few stupid ones were discussing me on Facebook where I'd show up in a google search.

I truly believe my recovery was hastened by my having to hide my condition and act normal at all times.

I say it's best to keep the info in-house for as long as possible. You can always let it out when you need to.
But once it is out, it's impossible to put the genie back in the bottle.

Jeff

Of course, your mileage may vary.

This topic has come up from time to time and it is extremely interesting.

I am a University Professor. I had to let the Dean know what was happening. I had to miss about 3 weeks or work and I had to arrange for a few colleagues/subs to take my classes. So, I certainly could not hide the fact that I would be gone. I did not feel comfortable with telling a lie about this. I figured word would get out.

So, I sent a very detailed email to everyone in my Department (we are mostly mail). It also served the dual purpose of raising awareness. It was the best move I made. I was worried about rumors going around and other innuendos. My up-front email solved the problem. That was 3 years ago. I have missed almost zero work since then and I suspect everybody thinks I've recovered. In fact, it is a non-issue. I have not been treated any differently. We all get along great.

Of course, I am not dealing with competition issues or, really, anybody after my job.

Mel

Your point is understood. But if I am unemployed, have no company insurance, and limited resources in my multi-year gap before medicare and social security, who will pay my internet bill? If I have to have medicines and food to live, they come first.

I work hard to help PCa guys, and promote awareness. But if a kid with a new MBA takes my job by making my problems open knowledge, the only promotion I'll be able to do is wearing a PCa pin as I greet people at the door of wallyworld.

Complete disclosure depends entirely on your position. If you are a retired person will all the bases covered, it is easy. But in the cutthroat world of modern business with 25 year olds nipping at what's left of your arse? Not going to fly.

i don't know, having cancer doesn't prevent one from being effective in the workplace and appreciated. My boss had PCa and it was no secret. Another partner had pancreatic cancer, beat it! and an article about him was run in one of our daily tabloids in NYC. Mine was no secret either. I guess it depends on the field and the environment.

To be clear ... I have decided to keep my situation private .. and separate from my professional life

However, I will do whatever I can to increase awareness in other ways ... at this point I have and will continue to make significant Donations to organizations which can do more about awareness than I could ever do on my own

Once I have "good news" about the disease (which I hope to have!!) ... maybe then I will provide more disclosure on a personal level

I absolutely agree w 142!

My employer & coworkers do not know - nothing good can come of it.

My wife knew from min one... Also told my adult daughters, close family and friends at church. It is important to assure them that this in not a death sentence and you do not plan on missing out on anything!

That was 17 months ago... Friends and family have mostly forgotten and that's the way I want it. In the meantime, I try to remember that every day is a gift.

I think disclosure is a personal thing for all of us and depends on each of our different circumstances. I own my own business but was not afraid of my competition finding out about the PC. I sell and install point of use purified drinking water systems for offices that are very heavy so I knew it would be a month or so before I could move or install one of them. I did not tell any customers expect on a need to know basis prior to surgery. I did have one customer call me the day before surgery and tell me they were moving their office the next week and wanted me to move and reinstall their two machines. when I told her about the surgery and that it would be a month before I could do this she told me no problem they would leave the machines at the old location and wanted me to wait two months to move them. In a month I felt good enough to move them but she wouldn't let me do it so I waited for about 7 weeks. The week after my catheter was removed I had a couple of minor service calls that I was able to make with out lifting any thing more than 10 lbs so they worked out OK.

One last story. I did have one new customer that I had negotiated a new machine for their new location which would have required me installing it 3 weeks after surgery. I told him about my PC and he knew nothing about PC or PSA testing and was 55 at the time. He was one of those guys who believes you only go to the doctor when you are sick and hadn't had a full physical ever. I covered a lot of detail about PC diagnosing and he told me had an uncle that had PC but the family never talked about it. about 3 weeks after my surgery this guy called me and told me that I had  probably saved his life as he had gone to his GP after our PC discussion and had a PSA test and then a biopsy and they found PC in early stages. BTW I got the order for the new machine from him and they waited for me to heal enough to do the installation. For this reason I have been totally open about my PC and freely talk with customers and friends about getting PSA screening. Even is several of my local business networking group I have spent my networking time advocating PC screening for men over 40. My customer ended up have seeds and he is doing great.

Terry