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Posted 5/14/2013 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
I'd like to propose that we add a Memorial 'Sticky Thread' to remember those on this forum who have died from prostate cancer.

Something to think about.

Posted 5/14/2013 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
I believe you are referring to just HW members? Or as a whole?

Tony
Posted 5/14/2013 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
One thing people look for here besides companionship and information is hope. I wouldn't react well if I came here and saw a page abut all the people who passed away as a result of my newly diagnosed disease. Perhaps there is a way of presenting it that wouldn't be "traumatic" to potential newbies liek me.
Posted 5/14/2013 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
Agree with davidg
Posted 5/14/2013 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
I wouldn't be a fan of the idea either.
Posted 5/14/2013 7:14 PM (GMT 0)

TC-LasVegas said...
I believe you are referring to just HW members? Or as a whole?

Tony

HW members on the PC forum only

Posted 5/14/2013 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, I agree with David.
Posted 5/14/2013 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
I am only suggesting that I would like to see some way that the memory of the wonderful guys here who struggled mightily against this disease and did not survive deserves to be honored in some way. It doesn't have to be an in-your-face-memento-mori that is the first thing that newcomers see, but there might to be some way to remember those here who died of this disease.
Posted 5/14/2013 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
Perhaps, instead of a sticky thread it could simply be a long-running thread that gets updated each time we hear that one of our friends has fallen. Each entry would consist only of a screen name and a link to a thread where people had said goodbye.

The thread should clearly state that it was a memorial to forum members who had died, not necessarily those who had died from their prostate cancer. One of the ways to beat the beast is to keep it at bay until you die of something else. Those of us who are shot by jealous husbands twenty years after being diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer simply must be included, otherwise the list will be too depressing.
Posted 5/14/2013 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
We used to have more sticky threads, but Peter W. decided two was enough for any forum, and consolidated them. So two it is.

Having one for those who've reached the end of the journey? I would say no. I have enough reminders every day that I will be on that list sooner than later.

Posted 5/14/2013 8:51 PM (GMT 0)
As a newbie, a memorial would have sent me over the edge.

I started my journey about 6 weeks ago and we all know what that's like. We have so much to learn including how to cope with our new reality. Time heals and I'm much better now but being reminded, in very clear terms, how serious this thing of ours can be was not something I would have wanted. Trust me, my imagination was doing just fine all by itself.

I have visited a few sites including Phoenix5.org and they don't have a memorial that I recall. I completely understand the desire to acknowledge and pay our respects to those who have fought the good fight but I wonder if that's the mission of the forum.

just my .02

John
Posted 5/14/2013 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
@Peter DisAbelard-- I like your idea of a memorial thread.

Thanks to each of you who weighed in on my idea for a memorial. I lost my abject fear of death in the Vietnam War and prostate cancer will not cause my death.

My own way of honoring those brave men here who have died from PCa is to support prostate cancer research so that future lives may be saved.
Posted 5/20/2013 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
Tim,

I may be one of the few here that liked your idea of a memorial. Couldn't wait to answer this thread even though it was well buried by now.

I think many missed your intent and point.

Why shouldn't we honor those that didn't make it among our small family here? Each of them were fighters and heroes.

It shouldn't bother anyone to see a page or a place where we can place their names for all to see. Perhaps as an alternative, once a year on Memorial Day, we bring up a page at HW PC where all the names can be seen, to honor our fallen brothers.

Like some others here, I am a Viet Nam vet, and we have our wall in Washington, to honor our dead, so why shouldn't we honor our dead here?

From some of the answers here, I sense we have a few that are either afraid of dying, or afraid of dying from PC in particular. Denying it isn't going to help save a single soul.

Let's get real here, men have died here in the nearly 5 years I have been here. And men will continue to die if you stay here long enough. And despite the battle cry of beating PC, and hope for long lives, there are and will always be, some of us, right here at HW ,men that will die, and will continue to die.

That comes with the turf of prostate cancer. Better to learn to accept this, then to keep in denial. Let's honor our dead, aren't they worthy of that? No point pretending it doesn't happen.

david in sc
Posted 5/20/2013 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
David (Purgatory)

Thanks for taking the time to read my Memorial post and write your thoughtful reply.  I appreciate your support for the idea.  I, too, am a Vietnam War veteran, and want to honor those who died.  In the same way, prostate cancer is a war, and some do not survive.  I'm not trying to be morbid, but I think these courageous guys deserve to be remembered by us in some tangible way. 

Take care and hang in there, David.

 

Posted 5/21/2013 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Tim,

I have real strong feelings on this subject. Like many Viet Nam vets, most of us came back home and were treated as utter crap and with contempt from many of our fellow Americans. Now days, if someone is in the Army stationed in Kansas the whole time doing latrine duty, everyone runs and calls them a hero. In our day, so many of our brothers died or came home mangled, and were despied, and treated so poorly by the VA to boot. But that is really another topic.

Here at HW, every brother that has lost their fight, is no less a soldier in the battle in my mind and heart. And they should be remembered openly, in my opinion. They gave their best, to the end, and then passed on to the next world.

Dying of PC shouldn't make anyone (again, my opinion) shun away from the fact that nearly 30,000 still die every year - despite heroic battles, multiple treatments, etc. This aspect of PC is a reality too, and denial doesn't get anyone anywhere. It might be unpleasant to think about, but its a fact of having cancer, in this case, prostate cancer.

Despite our best efforts, and our best fights, men here will continue to die as the results of PC, its just a fact. And I still agree, why not honor these fighters, as we do our war dead? I think it would be an honorable and humbling thing to do. And it would let their families know, that we will never forget them, as we were all fortunate enough to know these men, even if it were for a short time at HW.

david in sc
Posted 5/21/2013 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
I'm of two minds, as I often am. I'm also a Vietnam veteran but don't want to hijack the thread for veterans only. Having lived this long, I've lost a lot of friends from many causes: my best friend ever in a car crash at age 19, three high school classmates in Vietnam, guys I went through SERE school with and guys in our swift boats in Vietnam, friends and co-workers from various cancers, heart disease, suicide, AIDs, and even three murders. None of us get out of this alive. I remember them all. I know they live in their family members' memories. But it also makes me -- groping for a word here -- philosophical, cynical, embracing of the human condition --. I was at the University of Virginia a few weeks ago looking at the plaques with lists of Confederate dead among U.VA students and grads. I've also been in Memorial Hall and Memorial Chapel at Harvard and read the lists of Harvard students and grads dead in way too many wars, at least one of whom was listed and remembered even though he died on the other side.

I've been to the Wall in Washington, and I admit I cried as I walked it and thought of people I actually once knew. In another week I'll go to my town's memorial day services and then I will march (for only the second time since I swore I'd never march again) in a parade and sing in a chorus at our neighboring town's memorial day services. But for myself, I just want to go back to dust when it is done. I'm amazed and proud to have been an assemblage of molecules that somehow also had consciousness. For however brief the time is, that is the miracle we all share, and that is way, way more than enough for me.
Posted 5/21/2013 4:41 AM (GMT 0)
I went to the "Wall" for the first time in December of 1988 as I was moving my family from NH to SC. As I walked down the long wall, many years of repressed memories suddenly flooded my mind, and I openly cried. Think it was the first time my children (all fairly young at the time) saw their father ever cry. I have never forgotten the experience.

But back on topic, I feel our "soldiers" here at HW, and I mean PC soldiers, need to be remembered at least once a year.

david
Posted 5/21/2013 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
There is no objection to someone taking on the project of making a memorial thread. The problem is that there is no way to add a new sticky, as was the original poster's objective.
Posted 5/21/2013 5:18 AM (GMT 0)
we recently had a very touching memorial thread.

How many names on the Washington Memorial?
Posted 5/21/2013 5:53 AM (GMT 0)
There are the names of too many high school friends. We were the last couple of years of the draft. 
Posted 5/21/2013 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
142, understand about the sticky page issue, not a problem. perhaps tim and I will make this a joint project.

david in sc
Posted 5/21/2013 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
davidg:

there are currently 58,261 names on the Viet Nam Memorial Wall. They are still finding remains even this many years later, so there is still room to add additional names as needed.

david in sc
Posted 5/21/2013 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
tim:

if you want to work on a memorial tribute page to the fallen soldiers at HW PC, please feel free to e-mail me, and we can talk it out, since it's your idea, you can take credit for it, no problem there.

david
Posted 5/21/2013 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
My first reaction was that this is a wonderful idea. But there were some very cogent posts showing some concerns about the idea.

We don't want to panic our newbies; they already are scared to death.

Maybe one can just post the list on 12/31, in memorium. Memorial Day seems more suited to our fallen veterans.

Mel

Posted 5/21/2013 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
Perhaps when you guys have your GFMPH gathering you can collectively post that type of thread. It could include pictures and anecdotes. Hopefully there will be many years where the list would be empty.

I may have missed some, but I've only seen two in 2+ years here.
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