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Is it ok for me to go on a trip?

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Posted 6/4/2013 6:10 PM (GMT 0)
I need advice from caregivers and from you men.. My guy starts hormone therapy on June 10th.. then 2 months later he will start his radiation.  I want to go see my sister who I havent seen in 5 years.  I am torn on leaving and getting a break before the treatment really sets in.  Is it ok for us to take breaks like this?  Should we feel guilty for wanting to get away? 
Posted 6/4/2013 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
I see no reason why not

Mel

Posted 6/4/2013 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
Can't see any reason not to either, if you have any serious doubts, ask his doctor.

david
Posted 6/4/2013 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
He is doing great... his post op PSA is undetectable and so far all scans are clear.  His post therapy is adjuvant.  He is working out.. sleeping better.. eating good! AND.. he has 2 older children and a brother at home.  My main concern is the depression.
Posted 6/4/2013 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hopefully the trip will be a distraction and could help with any depression issues. How does he feel about going in the first place?

david
Posted 6/4/2013 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
I don't see any reason you shouldn't go. Is he more depressed or anxious? Neither of the treatments are particularly horrific. If he is anxious about them you could plan your trip for shortly after the treatment that worries him most has started. If the hormones scare him you could go a week after his first shot. If the radiation worries him you could go during his second week of radiation treatment. He's not likely to have any side effects from the radiation at that point and he will have realized that radiation treatments are more boring than scary. Just plan to be around before things start when he will be worried.
Posted 6/4/2013 7:11 PM (GMT 0)
His first ADT injection will be June 10th.. my trip would be around first of July.  His radiation won't start until around the first of August. 
Posted 6/4/2013 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
Don't feel guilty. Just the fact that you are asking this question means you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Being a "caregiver", regardless of intensity, takes a lot out of us. If our well dries up we have less to give. My philosophy is that we need to refill that well from time to time so that all those that need us have plenty of water to draw.
Posted 6/4/2013 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
No reason you shouldn't go. Do you need a note?
Posted 6/4/2013 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
davidg... WELL SAID! That makes me feel better! I just know that if one of us doesnt get out and re-new our energy something will bust :(
Posted 6/4/2013 7:49 PM (GMT 0)
My 1st thought would be to say go after the 1st lupron shot since it will probably take quite awhile for the side effects kick in..I have no way of knowing the degree of depression your husband has--maybe your Dr could give him some "feel good" pills. Sounds like you need a "break"!! The best to you both.
Bill
Posted 6/4/2013 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Journey...not sure about the depression part but HT or radiation wont have many short term effects if any. I had no HT effects for almost 2 months and never really had any radiation effects. I'd say go see your sister and enjoy yourself for the long haul...good luck.
Posted 6/4/2013 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all! It means a lot to hear from you guys that are actually going through this and your thoughts on your significant other taking breaks
Posted 6/4/2013 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
You have my permission. Taking care of yourself helps you help you guy.

Enjoy your trip now. Likely he won't need much real support until the radiation's been going for 2-3 weeks.

All the best,
Andrew
Posted 6/4/2013 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
this age of constant communication with cell phones, skype, etc. makes going away almost not going away!
Posted 6/4/2013 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all your advice.. Permission ect.. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you that it's ok to do for yourself!
Posted 6/5/2013 4:18 AM (GMT 0)

our journey said...
He is doing great... his post op PSA is undetectable and so far all scans are clear. His post therapy is adjuvant. He is working out.. sleeping better.. eating good! AND.. he has 2 older children and a brother at home. My main concern is the depression.

I have read this thread 3 times and I still have the same question, are you concerned that the HT WILL cause depression or that he is ALREADY suffering some form of depression?

I may have a somewhat unique view for you on this. I have Pca and for 6.5 years I was the primary caregiver for my wife. I had been her caregiver for 3 years before I was diagnosed and for another 3.5 until she passed last June.

As the others have said it is imperative that the caregivers recognize that they need to refresh themselves too. Not only by taking the trip you propose but also by doing things for yourself on a regular basis. The fatigue and wear and tear sneaks up on you.

We caregivers do it out of selfless love. But the time you take to recharge your own batteries should never give you guilt or pause. It is part of the process that is required for you to be an integral part of the journey that you both are on.

Take the trip, have a great time and you will come home with renewed spirit and energy.

Sonny
Posted 6/5/2013 7:49 AM (GMT 0)
I sincerely understand your concerns about taking a trip. I've been there too. But, I have since gotten over that.

By all means, GO! And go guilt-free!

Oh, and if you need a chauffeur, email me! :)
Posted 6/5/2013 11:41 AM (GMT 0)
I also have a VERY demanding full time job! He is not one to understand me wanting to go and get refreshed.. he says things like "Well, I wish I could go" or "If I was the caregiver I'd be taking over completely".. "I would do all the cooking and cleaning and would never leave you" There for awhile after surgery he was quite fatigued because of the healing and getting up so often to pee.. now he is sleeping better and excercisng. He thinks it is a selfish act on my part for wanting to go.. makes me feel guilty all the time. When I do go, even to just spend a few hours with my daughter, I get a guilt trip laid on me..I have exhausted all my sick time for his doc appointments and such.. I had taken over a lot of the administrative part of the doc appointments but have had to back off a little because I have felt it all building up.. I have felt like I am borderline crashing.

Thank you all for your advice and the "OK" to go :)
Posted 6/7/2013 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
Deleted comment that spilled over from another locked thread. -- PeterDisAbelard

Post Edited By Moderator (PeterDisAbelard) : 6/8/2013 1:08:58 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/8/2013 2:10 AM (GMT 0)
I'm locking this thread and Zildjian's thread for 24 hours for the participants to cool off. I'll unlock late Saturday evening.

Please back off on the name calling and don't take sides.
Posted 6/9/2013 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
Unlocking the thread as promised.

Please be civil. I'll be deleting comments that contain personal attacks on other members.
Posted 6/9/2013 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Peter.. My intentions were to sincerely get advice.. Everyone involved is devastated by his diagnosis.. One member said it is very stressful for everyone. So many emotions and feelings that you can't explain. It's not easy to see the one you love in so much pain physically and emotionally.
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