Social anxiety

who are you saying has the anxiety, you or your husband?

If it's your husband, what makes you certain he suffers from social anxiety?

If it is anxiety there are medications and trained people who can help with that.

I'm sorry I messed up here-I was talking about my own social anxiety & wanted to post this on another forum. I don't know how to remove it from here:-/

Hi Nell,

Before you leave for another forum, can you give us some of the stats on your husband's situation?

Can you tell us his: age, history of PSA readings, how many positive cores in his biopsy report and what percentage of involvement there was in each core? Also his Gleason scores from the biopsy, along with the staging.

Did they have him take an abdominal CT and nuclear bone scan?

Let us know these details & we can be of more help -- and hopefully more hope for you both! :)

Take care,
Chuck

Prostate cancer is a very alienating disease. For the man who has it, it's hard not to obsess about it, and one feels a need to talk about it, and yet to do so requires a man to talk about things that he never willingly discusses with anybody. People ask how you are and you tell them you are doing fine... and you are lying. You're not fine. Parts of your life that you have relied on to define who you are, are in jeopardy. But you say "fine, I'm OK." You tell the necessary social lies that allow people to occupy the same break room at work, or the same aisle at the grocery store. The constant sense that what is going on in your head can't be talked about is wearying. After a while you start avoiding social situations because the chit-chat never has anything to do with your worries, and never can.

This forum can help some. Shared experience lets us use a sort of short-hand where the most difficult subjects to discuss are assumed to be understood, and one can talk about the rest of the crap that PCa puts one through and be understood. It can help some, but not enough. Getting all one's social interaction from faceless strangers on the Internet is simply not enough to keep one sane.

The same process goes on, somewhat vicariously, for the man's loved ones. It's a little easier for wives or sons or daughters, but there is still that problem of worries that are pressing but can't be discussed.

What seems to help a lot of people on the forum, and I know it helps me, is to actually meet some of the other members at one of our GFMPH retreats. One still doesn't talk about the difficult subjects, but the need is less pressing when you know the other people there already understand. Other support groups can offer similar help but meeting people you already know online does shortcut the process.

There are also a couple of guys on the forum who live in my general area and occasionally we will get together for supper.

I think your idea of the Chili Cookoff is a good one. You are likely to run into some kindred spirits there. It helps.

By the way: for the chili cookoff be sure to buy whole cumin seeds and toast them before you add them to your chili. It brightens up the flavor and improves your chances.

Peter,

    That was a great post.  Thanks

Thank you all for understanding and for your great input, it does really help to know there are others out there that really "Get it". Well meaning friends try to understand but unless you have been there it is not possible. This forum & the PCa forum for women only (the site I thought I was posting to) have both been a real blessing for me. Reading other's stories help to decrease the loneliness of this disease.
HighlanderCFH, my husband Charlie is 52. He had his 1st PSA in June it was 292! Biopsy was positive in 9 of 12 cores, Gleason 4+5=9, bone scan showed hot spots in lower spine and pelvis region, CT was clear. Started on casodex 50mg daily and 1st Lupron inj on 8/6/2013. He was not having symptoms or any problems, I just felt it was time for him to have the standard 'age 50' checkup w labs-cholesterol, triglycerides etc. colonoscopy & prostate check. It had probably been 5 or more years since he had seen a Dr.
Again thank you & keep up the great job you are doing here. Peter thanks for the cumin tip;-)

Hi Nell,

Once again, I'm sorry that you both have this road to travel.

His PSA, of course, is not what we would want it to be. The Gleason 9 also means he has some challenges ahead.

But the good thing is that they can do marvelous things with modern meds and there should be great hope that they can help him.

Keep reading this forum and ask whatever questions that come to mind. There are many here who are traveling the same road and can offer invaluable advice, suggestions & comments.

Good luck!!
Chuck

Hi Nell79. We meet again, I first saw your initial post on my thread about PCa Awareness last week and asked Peter to start you your own thread so we can all get to know you.

Sometimes PCa is hardest on the caregivers. There is so much you can't do about your husbands issues. I believe you said you were an RN so you have made a career of taking care of people.

What your husband is going through is like riding a roller coaster, you don't know what to expect at every turn. He will have good days and bad days which is understandable. He will have days when all he wants to do is sit on the "pity pot" and then he will have days when he is like his old self.

You will be going on this roller coaster with him which will cause anxiety and fear of the unknown. Try to live each day one day at a time, sounds simple but of course it is not. You may have to break it down to one hour at a time.

The chilli for cancer idea was great, carry it through. Put on those PCa shirts with the blue ribbons and go with your daughter and grand daughter. It will be fun!

There is a saying that I live by, "To thine own self be true". You have to continue to take care of you in order to be able to take care of others so you have to treat yourself to something you want to do also.

From what you said of Charlie, he sometimes does have a sense of humor. What did you name that chilli?

Good luck to you both. If you are having a bad day, accept that you are just having a bad day and don't let it ruin your week.

Hugs to you both,

Bill from Florida

Using food for cancer awareness is well established. I dabble in competitive barbecue and one fairly successful team is Cancersucks Chicago. The guy started the team first as a way to help his wife and later as a tribute to her and a method to raise money and awareness for research.

I took a class from him a couple of years ago and learned a fair amount about competition bbq.

If chili people are anything like bbq people it will be a great experience.