"Oh Thank God it's only prostate cancer"

bluebird123,

I'm sorry to hear of your husband's experience with his friends. I have joked with a few friends about the side effects with some friends, so they know what's going on. But luckily, I have two close friends that are wide open to just letting me vent. Both admit that discussing the Trimix injection makes them a little queasy, but then acknowledge that if it was the only answer, they'd probably change their tunes quickly.

It has been amazing to me who is open to all of this and who isn't. My brother sent me "I hope you recover OK" e-mail and that's been about his only acknowledgement. It's become a bit of a joke with my fellow ski instructors on the weekend. One of them will notice a female in the bar (after skiing) and wait for me to reply sarcastically that "I'm out of action" or something else. So, they clearly sympathize, but they don't really want the details.

But, two other friends have given me complete clearance to vent at any time, for any reason. That's been a lifesaver for me at times.

mycrooner asked:  By the way how do you guys deal with the response "oh thank God it's only prostate cancer, that's very curable"

 

 

That's obviously a very naive statement.  I might reply by saying, "No, but thank God it is only low-risk prostate cancer.  There are thousands of men who die every year of prostate cancer in the US, but thankfully they don't die of low-risk prostate cancer."

Since mine is one that will kill me, has taken quite a toll, shortened me by an inch (in height) due to collapsing vertebrae as a result of bone mets, has cost much more time and money than digging out a malignant melanoma and some early cancer colon & rectal tissue, left me incontinent -
Don't say "the good cancer" to me unless you can run faster than I can.

Uh, not to get into a pissing contest with you, 81GyGuy, but there IS such a thing as a "minimal hurricane." And as a Florida resident who has lived through numerous storms I can tell you that there is a big difference.

I think this is a great analogy. As most Floridians know, hurricanes are described on a 1-5 scale. It is known technically as the Saffir-Simpson scale, but most folks use the phrase "category." Of course, the analogy is that similar to hurricanes, newly diagnosed prostate cancer cases are categorized into risk categories.

There are several different PC risk category scales in use, but the PCRI (the Prostate Cancer Research Institute) also uses a 5-level scale in shades of blue (sky, teal, azure, indigo and royal). PCRI encourages men with PC to "Know your SHADE" because each category is very different, and should be approached (and treated) very differently.     http://pcribc.org/content.php/164-Whats-Your-Shade


The definition (used by insurance companies) of a Category 1 storm is, by the way:
"Winds 74-95 mph. A minimal hurricane. No real damage to building structures. Damage primarily to unanchored mobile homes, shrubbery and trees. Also, some coastal flooding and minor pier damage. Example: Irene 1999"
http://www.germaniainsurance.com/WhatsNew/HurricaneCategory.pdf

Does one need to evacuate for a category 1 storm? "It depends," but probably not. It depends on the rest of the (case) situation. In a low lying area and in a unsecured mobile home directly on the beach? Then your individual risk is higher, but the whole city is not going to get evacuated. Most of what one should do for category 1 storms is "preventative"...much like low risk prostate cancer. Stop feeding the cancer, and improve your lifestyle choices.

81GyGuy,

Thanks for your reply.  I agree with your comment that PC is very individualized.  PCRI agrees with that also.  No two PC cases are identical, but men with a similar shade are similar.  Similar is not the same as identical.  Sky and indigo are both shades of blue, but they are as different as apples and orangutans from a PCRI category perspective. 

I think our viewpoints are very similar:  "there are hurricanes and then there are HURRICANES, and that there are cancers and then there are CANCERS"

Post Edited (JackH) : 3/5/2014 1:53:14 PM (GMT-7)

"there are hurricanes and then there are HURRICANES, and that there are cancers and then there are CANCERS"<!-- Edit -->

81GyGuy, another way I've heard the same thing said is that there are "good prostate cancers" and "bad prostate cancers."

I feel lucky to have only had prostate cancer rather some of the other much more devastating cancers.
I hear you John, and I can give plenty of examples but we're all of the age where you know what I'm talking about.

ed

Mycrooner,


felt with radiation the risks are higher in 10-15 years and because his age.

I was just a bit older than your husband at dx, but still considered to be 'young'. My greatest concern was that I would lose my quality of life for my remaining years. That is why I chose brachy. Not saying that it is for your husband, but I think you would be cheating yourselves if you did not consult with a good oncologist.
Wishing you the best.

Colleen, another wife chiming in here. All cancer has the potential to threaten life...whether it's the common, ordinary skin cancer or the nastier types of lung and pancreatic cancer. With prostate cancer, the reality is that the majority of men survive it and that's what people are responding to.

I know how awful life can be right after hearing that your husband has prostate cancer...it shook my world and I don't think I've been the same since (now 6 years since diagnosis and surgery). When we had a little "scare" about 17 months after my husband's surgery, I found myself getting very annoyed with family and friends who kept telling me "stop worrying...no one dies from prostate cancer". We who have been through it know that there's always the possibility that the initial treatment won't get rid of the beast, and we also know men who are still fighting it in spite of many different lines of treatment. For those of us who have experienced prostate cancer, the disease has a much different meaning than it does for the average Joe on the street.

i'm trying to remember my exact thoughts when I was told. Not so easy to remember, probably a good sign.

I think it went like this.

1 - oh FUCH... Cancer at 40. I won't live to see 50
2 - Oh good, it was caught early
3 - oh good, it's the type of cancer where the word "cure" is thrown around. Let's give it a shot.

As for people who tell me i'm lucky it was just prostate cancer, I think that primarily it is an easy way for them to deal with a very uncomfortable conversation and I can appreciate that. We live in a world where people say gratuitous things on a daily basis. When accepting his Oscar the other night, Jared Leto announced to Ukraine and Venezuela that we are there for them. One minute later Pharrel started to sing "HAPPY", a song about happy people.

Also, I do see a strain of truth in what they say. Yes, thank God I got prostate cancer instead of pancreatic cancer like one of my colleagues did (he's in the 5% that survive it btw).

Colleen,

I am in a similar situation as your husband. Scores are almost identical. I go back to UR Wed. It will be a month since biopsy results were given. I have not told too many people yet. Just my close friend and family . Don't wan't to hear the sympathy or the awkward silence when they don't know what to say. I am glad you are working through this with your husband. My wife is not looking at the info I have accumulated. She is afraid of the what ifs.

I Plan to schedule surgery for end of April. Babysitting duties will end then for my grand daughter till fall by then. I have made my peace with the option and am ready to tackle what lays ahead. I have done more reading in this month than I have in years. I read everyone else's posts and try to learn from their experiences. Thank you everyone who has gone on this journey before us and are willing to share. I will do the same.

Rockbottom- I understand her fears. I am one of those who needs to sponge all the info so I'm prepared for questions to ask lol it really paid off so far. I have my email listed feel free to have your wife email me if she wants. Don't be afraid of my email address crazycolls is only because I have 3 kids 5 and under and I'm 45 lol. I am very optimistic for my husband and you!! We meet with the oncologist March 18th and he has an MRI scheduled for April 9th not sure if we'll keep that MRI appt yet depends on ultimate decision he is leaning toward surgery though. Are you having open or DaVinci?? You'll do fabulous!!!!

My actual responses to the same comment have included:

Cancer is cancer and none of it is good.

Tell that to Vince Flyn and Dennis Hopper and Frank Zappa and Johnny Ramone and Linus Pauling and Jerry Orbach and Merv Griffin and Bill Bixby and.........oh yeah....they all died from prostate cancer.

I'll remind you how "good" it is when you/or your husband gets diagnosed with it.

Of course I am measured with what I say based on who makes the comment. Most often I use the first one and then ask whether all the men in their life are up to date on PSA testing.