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"Oh Thank God it's only prostate cancer"

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Posted 3/7/2014 9:44 PM (GMT 0)
Colleen,
Most people don't know what prostate cancer is since men don't want to hear about it and it won't happen to them. It's still in the "closet" where BC was years ago; women died of a "long illness" but never of BC.. I agree with John T--"Cut them some slack" since I can only assume that they meant to reassure you. Probably a good comeback is to ask them as Tud and JNF recommended is "have the men in your life had psa tests lately".
I wish you well but I have no "informed" recommendation as to what treatment is best.
Bill idea
Posted 3/8/2014 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
The worst scenario is the one where everyone is too scared to speak in case they offend the person diagnosed with cancer.

You have to consider that the person who is hearing your bad news is trying to figure out what to say, trying to be optimistic, trying not to offend, trying to minimise your problem to make you feel better not realising that it could make you feel worse. And of course cancer sufferers are individuals too with different expectations of what the "right" reaction is to being to news of cancer.

My husband and I could easily deal with people's awkwardness and stumbles - some people seemed shaken by even hearing the word prostate. What was hard to deal with was people who stayed away because they didn't know what to say and perhaps thought it was catching and my husband was about to die.

So in my mind the correct reaction to someone saying its "only" prostate cancer is saying yes we are lucky that paul does not have brain cancer or pancreatic cancer. But prostate cancer does kill and having high grade prostate cancer is a life threatening disease and many people die of it. And the treatment of low and intermediate grade cancer is not much fun and we are going to need our family and friends to support us through this period.

An
Posted 3/8/2014 4:33 AM (GMT 0)
An -- I agree with you and I am always amazed at the way you express yourself. before getting cancer I was pretty awkward with sick people and I avoided them because "it was too hard on me".

ed
Posted 3/8/2014 10:30 AM (GMT 0)
"oh thank God it's only prostate cancer, that's very curable"

Yeah, a friend of mine who is a Nurse Practitioner told me "Well, if he had to get cancer, that's the one to get!"

As the scans of my 49 year old husband started coming in and he was staged with positive lymph nodes, invasion to his bladder and to a few other areas, she said "Is there anything I can do?"

I said "Yeah, don't ever tell a man or his wife that if he had to get cancer, that's the one to get."

She hasn't talked to me since. Her loss.

My uncle who is a 16-17 year survivor of stage IV pancreatic cancer (was given 3 months to live at diagnosis) even knows better than to say something like that. He watched his father (my grandfather) die a brutal death from prostate cancer.

But, in the end...I agree that they are all well meaning people. Actually, well meaning ignorant people.
Posted 3/8/2014 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
When you don't know what to say......say nothing. Then say "I'm sorry....what can I do to help". Works for us.

Wish more people had control of their mouth.
Posted 3/8/2014 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
I would tell them that 30,000 men died last year of prostate cancer in the US alone.
Posted 3/9/2014 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
(Jerry L.)...and 250,000 were diagnosed.

One of the best percentages among the myriad of diseases called "cancer."

Posted 3/9/2014 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
I researched the mortality rates between Breast cancer and PCA and they are remarkably close. I could be wrong, but remember my surprise when I saw the statistics. If am wrong lets not all get in a tizzy
Posted 3/9/2014 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
Jack,

First, thanks for the link...I did not realize they broke the color of blue down like that. Very interesting...

And your right...a good majority of prostate cancers will not be lethal. Yet, it still remains the second leading cause of cancer deaths in men.

All I know is that when my urologist told me I had Gleason 9 prostate cancer, and then he told me I was almost stage 4 after surgery, and when my radiologist told me I had bone metastisis....none of them ever told me, "Oh thank God it's only prostate cancer".
Posted 3/9/2014 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Obviously this is subject that peaked interest. Got everyone thinking anyway. I am not offended by people that don't say the right thing at the right time. I am sure we have all put "our foot in our mouth" one time or another. I am saddened by the fact that today it's almost the norm when you hear of someone having cancer, any kind. We can only hope and pray (for those that do) that someday it's like chicken pox or polio or the other diseases that science has conquered for the most part. I really enjoyed reading all of your posts. I love the different opinions all being right in ones own way.So here's to Prostate cancer not being known because of a cure not because of it not being talked about!!
Posted 3/9/2014 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
I also cringe when I hear the sentence but I think we have to remember that people are trying to say something positive - as misplaced as it might be. Even my wife made a similar remark recently as I was contemplating that I will likely eventually have a rendezvous with a surgeon. But she meant it in the way that at least she has a good chance of having me around.
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