Who do you tell?

Here's a poll:

Everyone. Being that PC was my 4th time with a major cancer, I was and still, an open book, to anyone that honestly wants to hear. Those that don't, fine by me. Those that do, I appreciate their concern and care.

David

Dewayne, there are some older threads which discuss this same issue and you might want to search for those and check them out to get even more info on this subject.

I chose "everyone" in your poll. I am retired and have no issues with clients or business associates so this was an easy choice for me. And, since most of my friends are in their 60's and 70's, this is a subject of serious interest when it comes up. I usually use the opportunity to do a little education and, quite often, some support of others who are dealing with PCa but for whatever reason don't have the support system of someone who has "been there".

Jim

Tudpock18 said: "There are some older threads which discuss this same issue..."

Here's one from about a couple of years ago that did a good job of covering this topic:

www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=2542100

I only told my wife. Being on Active Surveillance I don't want family members asking how I am doing every time we talk, plus they will worry. I plan on telling the immediate family and a few close friends once I need and decide on treatment.

I did a progressive disclosure as I felt emotionally strong enough to deal with the resulting conversations. Did it this order: Wife, family, close friends, boss, co-workers (who would be impacted by my taking time off), not so close friends and finally started a blog on the whole thing so now the whole planet knows.

Not sure yet if it's widely know off the planet as the aliens continue to refuse to return my calls...

Andrew

To date I've only told family and close friends. That was mostly because I had concerns, perhaps unfounded, that knowledge of my illness may affect job advancement and possibly even having my term renewed. (2 years ago I started a new job with the government.) However, I may be forced to tell more people as a new post will explain.

I told family and a few friends, but it got around pretty quickly. Support was great, I am glad it got around the way it did.

Carl

Pratoman said...
Those of you who mention "clients" .... So I assume you are in some kind of professional capacity, like attorney, financial planner, investments, etc?

For those in that situation, how DID Prostate Camcer and treatment affect 1. Your ability to serve your clients, and 2. Your business and how clients perceived your ability to continue working for them?

I'm asking for obvious reasons, even though I'm not yet diagnosed and probably getting ahead of myself, as biopsy is happening next week.

Pratoman,

Yes, I'm a financial planner and don't plan to tell clients; even though most of my best and wealthiest clients are retirees, many who've been diagnosed with some form of cancer or heart disease.

I don't think I'd 'lose' clients, but I just consider myself so "young" I can't bring myself to share it with others outside my very immediate family. I'm actually in the best shape physically since I was 30 or so, so that sort of has me mixed up mentally as well.

However, it would probably help me with clients to tell them, actually, so I'm not worried about it from that angle.

@Dewayne, fin planner here as well. I think if I get diagnosed after my biopsy i would tell clients, it's nothing to hide, and people know this is a curable cancer.

@Gpat, I know exactly what you mean. I am one who has to wear my heart on my sleeve, not always a good thing, but I need to get it off my chest and hear positive things from others who know less than I do.

I anguished over this one for ages. In the end I told wife, kids, mother, sister and business partner. I didn't want everyones' first question to always revolve around cancer or for them to reclassify me that way. My wife can't understand it, but is very supportive of my decision. That's the key point, it is my decision and everyone has a right to choose the right path for them - there is no right or wrong on this one. I'm so glad we're all different....would be so boring if you were all exactly like me!

I told almost everyone, not applicable in my case as parents are no longer alive. but I can see withholding truth from elderly parents, as we did with my mother in law.

At aminimum tell all your male heirs, as your history now places them at a higher risk.

My rationale for the tell all was two-fold:

1. You can never have too many people praying for you.

2. You never know who knows somebody who knew of somebody that eventuallly leads you to the best treatment for your situation.

I know of at least 3 guys on this forum who have to be very discreet:

a. as a condition of continued employment so as not to be subject to ransom situation, can't disclose anything about his life outside the job, PCa or otherwise

b. as a small business owner, so competitiors do not use it against him in competitive bidding situations

c. due to sensitive nature of what his job entials

So as with the disease itself, everybody's situation surrounding it is different.

LupronJim

I only told immediate family at first (with the exception of my elderly father who was dealing with his own health issues, and has since passed away). I ended up having to tell my boss, as I needed to adjust my schedule for a short while as I was undergoing treatment. I now tell anyone if it happens to come up in conversation. I don't define my identify as a Pca survivor , so I don't bring it up first, but if the conversation presents itself, I don't hesitate to share and help educate.