Dark Days...Just need some encouragement

Relax hubby will be around for a long long time I was 4x3 plus the cancer had spread to my bladder that was nearly 5 yrs ago's I had surgery and have not had any other treatment my PSA is 0.03.So be positive I'm sure he will be fine.
tony w

Great stats tony w and stats and stories like yours abound. the ones you never hear are folks that just go on with their lives and don't make friends with it. It is good that folks do come back or stay, as it is very encouraging. I suspect the truth is most patients get it trust their doctor and leave it at that. In a deep part off me, n spite of being on the forum, I wonder if they are not the wiser, I truly do.

Miki, I also agree with Logo. I think you might have a few more rough spots over the next couple of weeks; then you will get your path report and things will brighten up. The fear will lessen as time goes by, the anxiety will be up and down. There are a lot of guys here who would have liked to go into this with your husbands stats. Hang in there Miki!

Doug

Miki,

You have a few stressors in your life right now, and you don’t know what tomorrow holds. In fact most of us don’t know what the next day holds, we have an expectation that it will be the same or better. Sometimes when we've had a prognosis - a likely outcome - we accept it as truth. The fact of the matter is, its just a forecast.

When WE got the news I was numb for days ... it was weird - it was almost as if I could hear the rotation of the earth... it was a strange time, and I was totally unprepared for it. I lie! I was prepared for it because I've been doing PSA testing for years, I just did not expect PCA to arrive that day.

You husbands condition relative to other on this site is perhaps not-too bad; there is always somebody worse off than you. But that’s no yardstick, because to you its earth shattering and stressful. Accept it as such. Sometimes what we think and how we perceive the situation could be equally as damaging and debilitating.

So Miki, speak to a helping professional or the local hospital counsellor who can assist and teach you strategies how to deal with your stress and acute anxiety. The next few weeks will be more stressful, especially the uncertainty of the operation as there could be additional treatments etc...

Put on your battle dress and arm yourself with the best knowledge possible; and be READY to do BATTLE!

Consider this, I and many of the people here in this forum, will keep you, your family and specifically Bob in our prayers.

Take Care!
.

Miki,
Your post touched me because I understand that drowning feeling with sleepless, hopeless nights from when my husband was first diagnosed. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone without worrying others more or having the diagnosis minimized ("he has the good cancer"--he doesn't. That just made me crazy.) It has been more than 1 1/2 years now, and we've learned to treat this like a chronic disease. That has changed my thinking. Some of the best advice doctors gave us, "Take one day at a time". Took me a while to get there, but it allows you to enjoy each day.

The guys mention the stats: your husband can be cured. Hold onto that. Get your mammogram redone. That recall is scary, but happens frequently. I hope you will find some comfort here. Keep the faith. Be kind to yourself. You'll both be in my prayers.
Beth

Miki, re your comment, about one of the what ifs being what if the PC has spread like wildfire....
Doubtful. Which his Gleason, and PSA, it's highly likely that it's just not happening. Focus on that.

I am a month behind you, I understabd how you feel. I'm guessing you know intellectually that odds are Bob will be fine. And so will you. But emotionally you are trying still, to wrap your mind around it. And maybe even afraid to think positively.

Allow yourself to think that everything will be ok.it will. The numbers say so.

Hi Miki,

we also got my husbands biopsy results on 9-25-14. He is 53. He had 7 cores at gleason 9 (4 + 5), 3 cores of g7, and one g8, and a psa of 14.7. The urologist told us from the get go that his erectile nerves would be removed as the tumor was too big, and outside the prostate. And most likely he would be on ADT for the rest of his life. And after cruising the internet (before finding HW) I though it would be a short life.

So I have been there with the fear, crying spells, sleepless nights, and isolation. I was such a wreck, everything made me break down, tho I was trying not to in front of him.

I called his cancer center and made an appointment with the social worker. I met with her and talked about everything that was stressing me. It was very helpful to talk about everything that i couldn't say to my husband or my friends, and i've had my emotions under much better control since talking to her.

I found HW and was assured by the wonderful people here that what i read was on the internet was outdated and my husband could still have a long life ahead of him.

My husbands surgery was November 4th. Even tho all his numbers looked dire, His pathology came back much better than we had feared. The cancer had spread to his bladder neck so an inch of it was removed, and the report showed that there was still some microscopic cancer there. But no other positive margins. and no lymph node or seminal invasion.

Your husbands numbers are not too bad. His cancer is curable.

I've had a bunch of bad mammograms and retests. Always negative.

i hope my story helps you. You and your husband will be in my prayers.

Sophie

Miki,

Keep breathing and hang in there.

Tim

Miki,

I am a guy so I don't know exactly how you feel - but my wife and I are very open with our feelings and I can guess how you feel. Lets see...

You have a child that you both love and worry that you will not be around. Bob has PC and he is trying to deal with it as are you. You are also dealing with a positive mammo and need to get your head around getting tested again (not a pleasant thought in itself) and everything is just jumping on your back all at the same time. You wonder if you will ever have the life you and Bob expected with your 6 year old. You may even feel that you need to handle this all on your own so that Bob can concentrate on "getting better."

Well - how close did I come?

I do know that you and Bob should be the support for each other. My wife and I almost collapsed when the doctor said I had cancer. As a little background, where I had worked we have had 5 managers die within a year of retiring. They were all our close friends. Now I, as a retired Sr. Manager, have a DX of cancer within a year of retirement. All of that just hammered on us. (I also remember that my wife has had to re-do a Mammo and what that did to her thought processes. Doesn't help, does it!) After we left the doctors office, even though he said I was going to be cured, we both melted down for a couple of days. We have an older son (30+) that I told what the doctor said and he asked questions to get it in his head. That first night was no sleep and a lot of crying. Then it was time to get educated.

The doctor had given us a number of sites to look at and I found this one. A lot of reading and research into what some here were saying (lots of abbreviations and strange words) and I decided that this thing can be beat and I am not going to die. (Just like the doctors said.) Then my wife and I sat down and mapped out how WE were going to fight PC. We had appointments to make and some very long fingers and instrumentation to deal with. So the wife coordinated the appointments and I got to deal with the fingers, hardware and side effects. We fought together and supported each other. We talked to our regular family doctor, surgeons, oncologists, RO and my Incro doctor on the decision that had to be made. Finally I convinced myself that surgery was the way for ME. I wanted it out and the cancer out of my body and in the hands of a pathologist.

This is where you are now. 12/6 is but a few days away. My wife said that the day of the surgery was a tough one for her. I bet it was for all the wifes of the guys here. For me, it was not a big deal. I went to sleep and then woke back up within seconds. My wife and son joined me at the elevator taking me to my room. I got into the bed - not all that easy with a bunch of tubes in me, and settled down. The next day, the doctor came in, took out the drain (a funny feeling) and said that I was out of the hospital.

So now, after the catheter was removed, I and feeling good and energy has almost totally returned. While my first PSA is in Jan, I am trying to keep good thoughts that my PSA well be nothing and I can put into the won for now column.

I hope that this helps you out - just a little - with your situation. Face this together as a team with Bob and you will win. Try and get some sleep to keep up your health. Bob is going to need you even more after the surgery and he gets home. He may have to face ED for a little while, but it is better than cancer at MY age. everyone here is saying that Bobs numbers are good. He still has cancer but the numbers right now are not all that bad. (My G7 was a 4+3) When it is all done, the pathologist will do his/her thing and you will find out just exactly what you need to deal with. For ME and MY wife, that is when we relaxed a little.

Keep up you prayers and know that ours are with you as well. IT DOES WORK!

DonC

Hey Miki!
<---- See my name? I think we'd be perfect together. (Please don't tell my wife.) ;-)

You already got some good, serious advice so I'll give you some not so serious.

Here's the deal. I am already worrying for another guy here on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. That leaves my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays completely open. (Sunday is a day of rest of course.)

How about if I worry for you on M, W, F and you can relax on those days. Naturally you'll need to keep Tue, Thurs, and Sat covered but this will lighten the load a bit.

Hugs. You need it. (((U)))

Jeff

Hi Miki,
I completely understand...I also have a husband with aggressive PCa...and we have 3 and 6 year old little girls...and I also just found a lump in my axilla that is needing a mamo, MRI and US....sure keeps things interesting
I do wish things could be a little more boring around my house!
Oh, and we're closing on a new house on Dec 12th...in a different country.

One foot in front of the other...things really do get better.

Just know that this is the most wonderful site and everyone is here to listen and help.

I am overwhelmed by the support you guys have offered and by all the words of wisdom. I don't feel so alone. I really think it's the unknown of the surgery and the results that have me out of warrior mode and down in the dumps (along w/ all the other stress going on, I also just had to put my 22 year old cat to sleep). I feel like w/ my mammo I pretty well know where I stand, it's already been biopsied twice, last year atypical cells which turned out to be a necrosis on surgical biopsy. I have a great breast oncologist (which is the one that did my last surgery). Current mammo came back area of suspicion right above previous two biopsies, 3D mammo and ultrasound on call back, go back in 3 months to see if it's growing or is showing any changes. You know the only thing that scares me about breast cancer is not being here for my son. I don't worry over it like I do my hubby's PC.
@ashleynfld101 sounds like you and I are going through everything very similar. We definitely need to connect if you'd be interested.
@worriedguy I would love for you to take it just for one day a week, we'll leave some other days open for others lol.
@Don C you nailed it exactly. Thank you for your support.
@SophieW another sister here on this forum fighting the fight w/ her hubby. It's so precious to me to see you other ladies here standing with your husbands through this and offering words of encouragement to people like me.
@Pratoman you're always there for me on my most of my posts and I appreciate your support and encouragement so much. Just talking to you helps.
@PSA3DOT7 You are right. I need to get back into warrior mode and get ready for battle!
@logoslidat You are also right. The enemy is the fear and not the PCA. That was eye opening to read that statement and immediately brought to mind "Fear and faith cannot dwell in the same heart". I now know the enemy that you so eloquently pointed out for me and I know the one thing that can defeat the fear, the hard part is that one thing is something I've been struggling w/ for a while.
Again, thank each and every one of you. I know I didn't mention everyone by name, but I read every single post, multiple times, and will be referring back often when I'm having a break down. I will keep you guys updated :)