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Changes in life sexually after Prostate Cancer

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Posted 6/17/2015 9:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys (and gals) I'm still paying attention here.

I have been a regular on the Curetalk radio and I offer this online discussion on intimacy and sex life after the prostate cancer experience. I think I've met the gambit from suicidal to it's not important but I have constantly met situations that I never encounter. Curetalk has offered this discussion realtime for an hour but I'll present a webinar in the near future.

This is an area that HW has realy helped guys and gals in the past. You are very welcome to the discussion.

curetalks.org/event/rsvp/Changes-and-Challenges-in-Life-after-Prostate-Cancer-with-Dr-Anne-Katz/222/?upcoming=yes
Posted 6/17/2015 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
The problem I have after treatment is that orgasms don't have
any feeling to them anymore. Yes, I can have them but it's not
anything like it used to be. Who says shooting blanks is not
noticeable? It is for me.
Posted 6/17/2015 3:21 PM (GMT 0)

fulltlt said...
The problem I have after treatment is that orgasms don't have
any feeling to them anymore. Yes, I can have them but it's not
anything like it used to be. Who says shooting blanks is not
noticeable? It is for me.

Pretty much the same here. What it seems to add up to for me is that the pay off is in no way worth the effort of getting a semi-usable erection, or going through the motions without an erection. So, between the loss of pleasure/release and climacturia, pain after injections, thoughts of Peyronie's and having to stand up, etc etc I find I just don't bother much anymore. I know I should do more towards rehab like I did for most of a year, but I find I just have not been bothering with much lately. It all does tend to mess with my head if I allow myself to think about it much.

I have spent time wondering what could account for the loss of pleasure. Since I was told the only nerves effected were the erection nerves which were totally separate from any nerves related to sensation. Adding to the mystery are the guys who have great orgasms with or without usable erections. But after the fact, I have also read that the prostate itself contributes greatly to sexual pleasure/sensations. That would help explain my situation, but not the guys who do great.

I often remember a guy over at YANA, I read his posts early on. I think(not sure) he may have ended up dying from PC. But his main thing was that if he could have known what the surgery was going to do to his sexual pleasure, that alone would have kept him from having the surgery. I think he managed to function, but pleasurable orgasm was gone. He was unhappy that one(very important to him and great function before surgery) pleasure was taken from his last years. He said something like his doc assured him that his orgasms should be fine, but he said "great theory, but doc you have just never experienced an orgasm without a prostate". So it was like his goal before death was to warn about this. Sometimes I think I should have listened to this guy.

But I guess there are other things to be considered in the choice of whether or not to choose surgery. I do hear about some bad or late RT SEs that are under reported, or so some say. Still, my experience with immediate sexual SEs loom as a major reason for why I wish I could have decided on some other treatment. I'm not sure this lack of pleasure thing ever resolves or is even helped by an implant. 16 months has made zero difference, but I suppose something could still improve.
Posted 6/17/2015 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Billy Bob, noticed that was your 1000 post. And a good one!! What little discussion we have had about sex with Gary's medonc, he told Gary that 99 percent of sex was in his brain. Coming from a guy that still has a prostate and testosterone. Bet he wouldn't be so dismissive if he had no T! The urologist talked to Gary a little bit about loss of function from the physical standpoint. I was not invited in for that discussion. The medical community seems to be lagging in addressing the emotional impact that PCa has on men and their partners with loss of function and desire. This is the 21st century for cripes sake! Gary shrugs it off after more than four yrs without sex but in the beginning that loss caused him great depression. And I haven't had the easiest time with it either. We may be grandparents, but we're not dead!

Thank you Tony for this helpful post. We don't get posts from you often, but when we do I read them cause it always has good stuff!
Beth for Gary
Posted 6/17/2015 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
I'm in the same boat with the "no feelings" orgasm. And, it's been getting worse rather than better.

It's really very frustrating, as I find myself, for the first time in my life, wondering "why bother?"

I've talked it over with my wife, so she's aware of it. I want to make sure that if I turn down an offer, she knows it's got nothing to do with her. And, I never turn down an offer if she wants something specific. But, I guess one way to kill the libido is to kill the orgasm. The desire is there, but is often overridden by the knowledge of the lackluster result that will occur.
Posted 6/17/2015 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
It's been 3 months since my RPP. Incontinance has been my biggest problem but is improving. I've had 4 orgasms on my own. I obtain about a 50% erections with Viagra. The orgasms are pretty intense and enjoyable. The unpleasant part is increased leakage during this time and especially when I orgasm. If you have any questions or comments please ask or share.
Posted 6/17/2015 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
orgasms are just as intense for me. in fact in the beginning they could be be a little too intense. sex is almost like it was before treatment but I do take Cialis daily. the new normal is acceptable to me.

ed
Posted 6/17/2015 5:59 PM (GMT 0)

celebrate life said...
Hey Billy Bob, noticed that was your 1000 post. And a good one!! What little discussion we have had about sex with Gary's medonc, he told Gary that 99 percent of sex was in his brain. Coming from a guy that still has a prostate and testosterone. Bet he wouldn't be so dismissive if he had no T! The urologist talked to Gary a little bit about loss of function from the physical standpoint. I was not invited in for that discussion. The medical community seems to be lagging in addressing the emotional impact that PCa has on men and their partners with loss of function and desire. This is the 21st century for cripes sake! Gary shrugs it off after more than four yrs without sex but in the beginning that loss caused him great depression. And I haven't had the easiest time with it either. We may be grandparents, but we're not dead!
...............................................................................
Beth for Gary

1000 and a good one? Thx, Beth! Wow, 1000, how did that happen already?
"Gary's medonc, he told Gary that 99 percent of sex was in his brain. Coming from a guy that still has a prostate and testosterone. Bet he wouldn't be so dismissive if he had no T!". LOL! Exactly!
"Gary shrugs it off after more than four yrs without sex but in the beginning that loss caused him great depression.".
Easily understandable!

"And I haven't had the easiest time with it either. We may be grandparents, but we're not dead!".

We are different on that and it is a blessing and a curse I suppose. First, since my menopausal wife has long claimed she has no desire or thoughts in that way(quite unlike me), though she is perfectly willing to take care of me, that means I don't have to worry about pleasing a woman. Although there is more than one way to do that I suppose, still if both of us were like we used to be as far as desire, I think the fact that I could not do the normal act for her would be just one more thing to deal with. As it is, all I need is all of my desire to go away and I(we) will be set!

But OTOH, just knowing she is just fine if we never go that way again(in fact, she claimed that for years before my RP), that is just that much less incentive to jump through all of the hoops to be able to achieve the less than big O.
Posted 6/17/2015 6:02 PM (GMT 0)

F8 said...
orgasms are just as intense for me. in fact in the beginning they could be be a little too intense. sex is almost like it was before treatment but I do take Cialis daily. the new normal is acceptable to me.

ed

That would also be VERY acceptable to me.
Posted 6/18/2015 4:19 PM (GMT 0)

Tony Crispino said...
Hey guys (and gals) I'm still paying attention here.

I have been a regular on the Curetalk radio and I offer this online discussion on intimacy and sex life after the prostate cancer experience. I think I've met the gambit from suicidal to it's not important but I have constantly met situations that I never encounter. Curetalk has offered this discussion realtime for an hour but I'll present a webinar in the near future.

This is an area that HW has realy helped guys and gals in the past. You are very welcome to the discussion.

curetalks.org/event/rsvp/Changes-and-Challenges-in-Life-after-Prostate-Cancer-with-Dr-Anne-Katz/222/?upcoming=yes

A lot depends on the stage of your PC, the chosen treatment, the SEs, your age, your spouses age, the level of sexual activity and intimacy before DXed, the mental state of both partners after being DXed. For us, it's still "work in progress" and there's definitely the physical and mental side of the issue.
Posted 6/18/2015 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
To all:
I am 2 1/2 weeks post Davinci surgery...last night, I asked my wife to join me in the shower for a gentle massage. I was excited to see I got about 40% erect. The sensation felt good and I was "super happy". We didn't try for a "happy ending", it was just great to see some movement.
I am taking Celis daily. It was more mental healing then anything. Just want to share with othes.
Posted 6/18/2015 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
I'm also in the 'different but still good' group. As I've said other times, the issue here seems to be a combination of being married to a post-menopausal wife who has serious 'dryness' issues and my own reality of 'not being 18 again'. Things work when called upon....and I'm one who finds the orgasms more intense and long-lasting.
Posted 6/18/2015 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, sex changes after PC.
yes, indeed.

Andrew
Posted 6/18/2015 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
One of the lucky ones. My orgasms are as good as they used to be, almost all of the time. Its been 2 weeks now that I have been off Cialis, and a few nights ago, with wifey, I had a fantastic orgasm, and Johnny Boy was quite firm.
Posted 6/18/2015 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Sensation for me is down. But my T hasn't recovered from HT so I've wondered if that had an effect on how things felt or if that just affected my libido (which is way down). Anyone have any thoughts on that?
Posted 6/19/2015 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
I realize that I am in the "fortunate few" club on the post PC sex subject, so I feel guilty sometimes, and I am never wanting others less fortunate to feel bad. Not my intention.

I will be dealing with PC 7 years on August 25th. My sex life has never been better, despite having surgical issues, severe radiation issues, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and the rest of my never ending list of physical and medical woes. Don't know how I lucked out there.

This far into it, I much prefer shooting nothing. Orgasms are just long, intense pleasure moments for me. I may not engage as often as I did when I was younger (some of that is just age) due to all the pain I live with, but when I do, its generally awesome.

In a recent "event", I probably had the most intense one of my entire life, either pre or post PC days. I honestly think the 30 hypobaric sessions I went through last year for my dental damage even helped out down there. My "member" is longer and stronger than it ever has been at any point in my life. Its a shame that men with severe ED issues can't use that as a therapy for their ED issues. For me, it was just a side and unexpected benefit.

Considering my health and that I will soon be 63, and my wife (has her own issues) is almost 60, we don't complain in that department. And that's coming from 41 plus years of marriage.

I feel that area of my life is the one "silver" lining in a very troublesome journey. But thankful for what I do have going.

Good to hear from you, Tony. Wondering what you had been up to.
Posted 6/19/2015 3:43 AM (GMT 0)

Pratoman said...
One of the lucky ones. My orgasms are as good as they used to be, almost all of the time. Its been 2 weeks now that I have been off Cialis, and a few nights ago, with wifey, I had a fantastic orgasm, and Johnny Boy was quite firm.

Some people have all the luck! wink
Posted 6/19/2015 3:49 AM (GMT 0)

Purgatory said...
I realize that I am in the "fortunate few" club on the post PC sex subject, so I feel guilty sometimes, and I am never wanting others less fortunate to feel bad. Not my intention.

And you should feel guilty, considering how easy you have had it! yeah smilewinkgrin

Somebody said...


I will be dealing with PC 7 years on August 25th. My sex life has never been better, despite having surgical issues, severe radiation issues, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and the rest of my never ending list of physical and medical woes. Don't know how I lucked out there.

This far into it, I much prefer shooting nothing. Orgasms are just long, intense pleasure moments for me. I may not engage as often as I did when I was younger (some of that is just age) due to all the pain I live with, but when I do, its generally awesome.

In a recent "event", I probably had the most intense one of my entire life, either pre or post PC days. I honestly think the 30 hypobaric sessions I went through last year for my dental damage even helped out down there. My "member" is longer and stronger than it ever has been at any point in my life. Its a shame that men with severe ED issues can't use that as a therapy for their ED issues. For me, it was just a side and unexpected benefit.

Considering my health and that I will soon be 63, and my wife (has her own issues) is almost 60, we don't complain in that department. And that's coming from 41 plus years of marriage.

I feel that area of my life is the one "silver" lining in a very troublesome journey. But thankful for what I do have going.

Good to hear from you, Tony. Wondering what you had been up to.

I want me some of that oxygen! Hypobaric? or Hyperbaric?
Posted 6/19/2015 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hypobaric - Good for training to climb Mount Everest
Hyperbaric - Good for training to swim to the Mariana Trench

Hyperbaric is the one we use in medical.

LOL, Thank you all for some great input. I still haven't figured out what my Q's will be. I usually only get a couple on these panels. But every input here is useful.
Posted 6/19/2015 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Beth,
I read your signature and there are more than one drugs in his regimen that can lead to impotence and I understand your post very well. I had a 3+year stint where sex simply wasn't an option, at least with erection, and while that improved after ending HT it never returned to 100%. Intimacy is not an issue for us but that depression can take a toll on that. I had depression for a while too.

I think your post gives me one fuel for the Q's and Dr. Katz can probably give a professional response I'd be interested to hear.
Posted 6/19/2015 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Okay so I am one of the lucky ones as well. Aside from being "dry" my orgasms are the same if not more intense than before I had surgery.
Posted 6/19/2015 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
I have zero ability to get an erection and it got worse after ADT and SRT. I had pretty good orgasms after RP, but it was through manipulation and frankly watching ****. My wife is willing to try to get me off, but nothing happens. It sucks (pun intended)!
I'm afraid to go back to **** because it's addictive, plus it's a heck a lot of work without any hint of an erection.

This is the side of prostate cancer that is just awful, but at age 71, I've kind of given up thinking about it. The really frustrating thing is having sexual dreams where I have a great woody, but then waking up to nothing!
Bob
Posted 6/20/2015 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Just a reminder,
This online event is available to all here in Monday June 22 at 6:00pm EST. You must sign up for it. Basically you here us talking like a talkshow on the radio and asking pertinent questions. I will serve as a panelist and have my Q's but it opens up to the public for Q's as well. While time limited to 1 hour, they try to get to as many questions as possible.

I hope to see you there. Your input is valuable.
Posted 6/20/2015 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
My wife tells me that where she works, nearly all of the post menopausal woman declare openly (to other woman) that they have close to zero interest in sex. For their husbands, the changes in life sexually after PC would be minimal.
Posted 6/20/2015 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
I like that post testing123 that's very intriguing.
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