Has having cancer made you a better person?

I. Haven't been bitter or angry about it at all. Depressed once in a while (not clinically, just down), but not bitter in any way. I realize Sh!t happens sometimes, no reason to be a why me type.

Has it made me a better person outwardly? I thought it would, but no I don't think so. I'm still a moody, grumpy dude. But it has given me a better appreciation for family, good friends, (and lack of patience for superficial friends), and an appreciation for the gift of just having a good day.

Wrong choices for answers as I see it.

Certainly has not made me a better person.

I am much more understanding of people with medical issues, situations of unmanageable costs just to stay alive a few more days, and family issues with those who can't comprehend.

But I have lost all patience with fools, idiots, and penny-grubbing employers / business owners.

In the balance, if you are in the first category, I will do much more for you than I've done for all in those categories over my life.

If you are in the second category, RUN. Ain't go get no better for you.

Great idea for a thread.

The question reminds me of a thread we had here some time ago in which we debated whether we have free choice in our lives or whether a fixed, set destiny awaits us all.

To contribute to that discussion I offered the thought that both may actually apply simultaneously in our lives, even citing as eminent an authority as Forrest Gump on the issue:

/www.youtube.com/watch?v=mscjvqtBWIQ

And I further expressed that idea in an analogy, as follows.

When we are traveling on a highway, we know where the highway that we are now on is going to take us, to which city. As long as we stay on that particular highway, our destiny is set and cannot change, that is, we will go to that city. But we also have the free will to change highways, to turn off on to a new highway that comes up if we wish, which will then take us to a different city.

So if I stay on a given highway, where it takes me, that is, my destiny, is set. But if I turn off on to a new highway, which I have the power to do, then I have made a new destination, that is, a new destiny, for myself.

So in answer to the original question, "Am I a better person for having had to deal with PCa?" My own answer is that having had to deal with this beast has made me better able to choose the highways I now wish to go down for the rest of the trip.

This is because being on the "PCa highway has been something of a rough ride, but it has somehow enabled me to be able to recognize a better highway when I see one coming up, so that I can then make a turn on to that better highway when it is here, and thus improve the quality of the rest of my trip.

Seen another way, if I had not been on that "rough road" of PCa, then I might not have been able to recognize and turn on to that better road which was coming up, when I saw it.

So, in my case, yes, I am better in that the PCa experience has made it possible for me to "see and choose better roads" the rest of the way.

I realize this says nothing about how the PCa experience may affect one's character or ethics, which perhaps was the intent of the question, but it can indeed make one a wiser traveler.

I really enjoyed that Forest Gump clip 81GyGuy.

To prevent any misunderstanding regarding the poll, I am speaking of "on balance". I realize we are dealing with "shades of gray" here (hopefully not 50 shades). To me there can only be 3 choices, either you are i) better, ii) worse or iii) about the same. Perhaps the way I worded the second choice implied a certain level judgement but it wasn't meant to. I just listed some of the common negative emotions associated with a cancer diagnosis but I also included "or other negative feelings" if those didn't fit.

I don't think there is a right answer and at times it may be valid for the cancer experience to have made you less kind or in some other way a worse person than you were previously. Perhaps the pain or depression are overwhelming to the point where you can't cope. That can be totally understandable.

In my particular case, at this point in time it has made me better in the following ways:
- I have a better perspective on what is important and little things tend to bother me less.
- I have a better acceptance of death and that it is a natural part of the process of this experience on earth.
- I have more empathy with others who are suffering.
- I live more in the moment and enjoy nature more.
- I have a greater appreciation for what I have.
- I am less influenced by my ego and other's opinion of me.

On the negative side, I've become more introspective to the point that I am sometimes detached from my wife and family. Previously I dealt with some of the other feelings such as depression or despair but adopting a Stoic philosophy has helped me overcome that. (At least for now, one never wants to become too smug.)

Would be interested if any of you cared to elaborate on your experiences.

Having cancer
has made me a dancer.

I now have empathy for the other.
I now relish the day
and consume life with all my strength.

I no longer suffer the fool
or the arrogant.
I no longer am nice to all.
I am willing to to some to go away.

To some I am a better person.
To some I've become something different.

Andrew's unedited poem.

It has caused me to change my perception of myself and those around me. I still see the future but focus more on what is before me today. I understand now that everyone around me is dealing with something so I have more patience and I am more selective about who I choose to have in my life. Don't need people with negative energy. So if this makes me a better person, then I guess yes.

Better person? No, I don't think so. Better understanding of the One my life is more centered on, to be sure, but that topic here is verboten.

I think I worry just as much, I'm just as much a people pleaser, I'm just as neurotic, more emotional (better? worse? dunno).

I've met great people. I've been able to actively help people I'd never have dreamed of helping, so that's something. Lost interest in many things formerly vital to me. Happiness is elusive, though joy is a choice. Joy can be experienced through will, so most days I face with joy. That's a new perspective.

Mostly, I feel just like some dude who happened to get cancer. Life just sucks sometimes. So far, so good, maybe great, maybe just a lull before a storm. Who knows? What does it matter?

Every day is a miracle for every one of us. I do my best to keep that thought foremost in my mind.

So here's some dude with cancer
Often wanting an answer
The doctors don't know
Which way it will go
So, hope? Just take a chance, sir!

[Edit: didn't know schm**k was a forbidden word! Who knew? Substituting "dude"...]

I would hope that "on balance" I have become a better person. But since dx there has been such a mixed bag of good changes and bad changes to my life that it is almost impossible to make a decent comparison between before and after.
As with 142 I have a lot more time for some people, but a lot less time for others: don't phone me up and try and sell me something!

I would say I have become a better gardener, and a better cook, I even make loads of jam now! But don't disturb me when I am doing something complicated.

But I'm pretty sure I can be a bit more selfish too, (if there is only one cookie left I am more likely to eat it myself than offer it to others!)

And don't get in my way if I am heading towards the bathroom!

Alf

While I think it has made me a better person, I also don't suffer fools either, as 142 said. In my mind, that IS better. I no longer put up with BS and am not afraid to speak my mind. That's a positive.

I love you Paul. I hope it gets better soon, and all this can be put behind you.

RCS, thanks! I wasn't aware of that meaning, and I'm going to be more careful when I use that word!

it's made me a better photographer

you'd never know it !

ed