Help prostate cancer Age 34

Hi Grant,
Sorry that you had to suffer through this at such a young age. It's hard to take at any age but from your post it sounds like you are also concerned about establishing a relationship with someone. If having a relationship with someone concerns you perhaps you want to set your sights on with someone who wants to adopt children or someone who is not interested in having children. There are so many people these days that fall into this category that I think if you looked in the right places, you may find someone you like.

As far as the pain goes, I'm not really sure what is causing it but I would get the hernia repaired to see if it helps with the pain you are feeling. Just remember, you still have lots of life. You just need to re evaluate your expectations. Best wishes to you.

Hello Grant ~

I wanted to reach out to you today after reading your post. This is a great place for you to connect with others. We are all here for you and you will find encouragement, advice, support, and solace here. Please continue to post and you will find friends here waiting for you.

I think it's important for me to respond to your post because I was in my 40s when I got diagnosed, so I understand what you are going through. I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, which had already spread into both of my lungs. I've been on a variety of treatments already, including three different kinds of hormone shots, a full series of chemotherapy treatments, and now the medication called ZYTIGA. Fortunately, my energy has stayed intact through all of this and I'm at work every day.

I'm glad you are reaching out for help. That's the first step. Some things that help me cope the most have been staying very connected with close friends, work colleagues, and relatives. Nobody should have to go through this alone. Find those people you can confide in --- hopefully, you have some of those people in your life. If you don't, then consider this forum the perfect place to confide your thoughts, fears, feelings, and anxieties. We've all been through what you are describing, in some manner. This forum can always be a refuge for you --- 24 hours a day. People post in the middle of the night and even on holidays. The door to this forum is always open for you.

We all have those rough, dark days. They can be agony, filled with a roller coaster of emotion. It sounds like you've been there, so that's why I'm reaching out to you.

Sometimes it can be the hardest thing in the world to do, but fight back with everything you can muster. Stay involved with social events, community activities, hobbies, church, volunteer work, sport events ... whatever it is that keeps you active and interested in the world. Dig into your career --- walk the dog every night --- connect with old friends --- go to the gym --- volunteer a bit for a charity project --- read that good book --- visit your family members --- and the list goes on. It can be so hard sometimes, I know. I live with this, too.

I have found that sticking to some normal routines help me a great deal and they might help you. I go to work every day --- I try to go walking every night --- I watch the news --- I read books --- I talk to friends every day --- I try my best to keep involved with social events --- I connect with friends and relatives as often as possible. I try to get involved in things that take my mind away from my own health problems, even though that can be hard to do sometimes. It sounds like that's where you are at right now.

Being single is a challenge at our age with this diagnosis. I've passed up some opportunities to go out on some dates, because I'm not sure if it is fair to involve someone else in my medical situation. I'm still sorting that out and it sounds like you are, too. There are times when I would like to be involved with someone special right now and other times when I know that I need to focus on my health and keep things simple while I'm dealing with medical treatments. It's hard to know what to do in this situation.

Here's what is working for me right now, and it took me a while to figure this out, so maybe this will help you --- instead of getting hung up on finding that perfect someone right now, I've been getting together with work friends and church friends and old college friends a lot more the last couple of years during all my treatments. They already know me and understand me and know my health story. It has helped me get through some rough times during my treatments --- I knew I didn't have the confidence to start dating someone when I was going through chemotherapy treatments last year, for example, when I lost all my hair. So staying connected to family and friends has been a Godsend to me during all of this.

Once I got over the idea of having to find that perfect someone right in the middle of all my medical problems and REALIZING that I have a great group of friends, colleagues, and relatives already in my life --- that really helped me focus on what I already had, rather than what I didn't have. It took me a while to reach that realization. That bit of advice might help you, Grant. Meanwhile, keep your options open and stay focused on maintaining the highest degree of health that you can.

As far as relationships, I'm keeping my mind open to the idea of some dinner dates or movie dates if the right situation presents itself. If it's meant to happen, it will. Meanwhile, I am focusing on my friends and family that know me and understand me already. If you stay busy, you will feel more positive, and your confidence and self-esteem will improve along the way. All of us work on this every day --- and we have to accept that there are set-backs along the way with this. This is tough stuff to deal with and it doesn't come with an instruction manual. Meanwhile --- we ARE here for you.

I also have formed some valuable friendships with some others that share my diagnosis. We get together, talk, telephone, and send messages to each other. Some people on this forum have joined prostate cancer support groups and those can be very valuable, depending on your personality. If nothing else, this forum IS truly a support group, so continue to keep in touch and post messages.

I've also reached out to a few children that I know who have cancer --- I keep in touch with their families and buy them some gifts from time to time. Realizing that there are others even YOUNGER than we are helps me to keep some perspective and encourages me to keep going, when I realize that there are children facing cancer. It helps me get my mind off my own medical problems sometimes when I realize there are youngsters who have to be brave in this fight, too.

I hope something in my message will be helpful to you, Grant. Please keep posting and let us know how we can continue to help you. I know I have been helped many times by this forum, so I hope that you will be encouraged by the messages you receive.

Sent with my best,
Cyclone

Sorry you are going through so many issues at such a young age. You are getting some good advice. I thnk being here on this site will help. I was diagnosed in my mic 40's and went some some of the same issues you are going through. Hang tough.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I was so happy to see this. The painful orgasim sounds hopeful and hope it gets better in time. One thing I'm finding is that I can't handle stressful situations anymore and concentration is hard. I was in hospital last night, sometimes I think is all this worth it. I really know I need to take care of myself. It really has scared me at my age and I feel so alone. There's no one to talk to my age, I mean it generally is unheard of. I really hope I can get out of this mess. All your comments are greatly appreciated

So sorry you have to be here at such a young age, you are in a good place for support as I'm sure you can see for yourself. I am stage 4 and now on hormone therapy which is itself causing me various quality of life issues but I am fighting it to maintain my standard of retirement enjoyment. I do this with meditation and by keeping busy- very busy. Staying focused on something else keeps me from throwing myself a 'pity party.'

Grant,
I just wanted to drop in and offer support. I was dx'd at 42...G9... So know also what you might be going through. (I hate saying that.... Because my issues may have been completely different... )
This is a great spot to ask questions. Do so. Talking & asking advice helps. Talk with your docs... Mine have been great in understanding that due to my age I'm a bit of an anomaly. Their support has been fantastic.
The internet is full of negative stories. People have a tendency not to post when things are going great. With that in mind, try to end each "net session" with something positive. At one point, I wouldn't even open a post if the title was negative.

This is a great place to vent... Not a problem... Probably the best place to scream every once and a while.
Positive thoughts... Good luck and all the best!

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to meditate 20 mins a day. I walk my dog everyday. I take a quarter of a tablet of atenolol for panic attacks then the diazepam which I been on 5 months. I get these odd heart skips which I been into hospital for but they call them eptopic beats or something and they are harmless but I never had them before and can be quite distressing. I miss where I was before the cancer. I was wondering maybe I'm going through a diazepam withdrawal during the day before I take it again at night. I asked my doctor how to taper off and didn't provide much advice but just to say your on a low dosage so you should be ok when you stop. I also have costochondritis (inflammation of the ribs) I had this when I was young in a stressful situation which resolved itself and its come back with vengeance. It's always hard to know what's anxiety and something life threatening. I think my body had been through to much. I lost my mum about 8 years ago now and I had my aunty who I loved alot who passed away a few weeks after my surgery from melanoma, she was my rock, in the same hospital I had my surgery. A lot happened I feel like my grieving only has just stated like my whole body went into shock.