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Posted 9/17/2015 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
I apologize for deleting my earlier post. I realized it was more than my dh would want me to say. I forget sometimes how public this forum is. Sophie
Posted 9/17/2015 1:09 PM (GMT 0)

SophieW said...
I apologize for deleting my earlier post. I realized it was more than my dh would want me to say. I forget sometimes how public this forum is. Sophie

Now I'm curious. And for the record, I'd love for the other half's to provide their side of how they deal with PC and how it's effected their lives. I know for fact that it has definitely effected our sexual relationship and despite our open communication relationship, there's still some unspoken feelings.
Posted 9/17/2015 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
Sophie - besides the fact that it's your post and you can do what you need to do - most of us didn't see it.
Posted 9/17/2015 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Post? What post?

Seriously, Sophie, you can rest assured that whatever you posted on this forum fell on understanding ears.
Posted 9/18/2015 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
81GYGY, thanks, this forum with all the wonderful giving members has kept me somewhat sane in a life turned upside down. As I explain below, it is my husbands privacy which holds me back (sometimes) from posting more explicitly.

Steve, glad you weren't in the middle of a long response when I deleted!

Foxrun,

my DH is a very private person. He doesn't want to talk about cancer or the sexual side effects with me let alone anyone else. He doesn't like that i read and post here. and then I feel guilty, as I'm violating his privacy when I post. But it's very hard for me to have no one to talk to as I don't want to share with my friends. This is the only place I have to talk or ask questions. I often don't agree with his medical decisions. So it is very stressful and I have a lot of anxiety and sadness about the sexual SEs as well as the possibility of cancer recurrence.

We do occasionally discuss what needs to be talked about but we don't agree and it's very difficult. One conversation and he's said all that needs saying for him. I, though, get muddled and don't say all I need, plus I need a little rehashing, and I don't want to upset him so it's all bottled up inside with no where to go until enough time has gone by that I can bring stuff up again without upsetting him too much. I hate upsetting him, and I don't like pushing him when he is going thru so much already.

I have no control over the cancer, or his medical decisions, or the consequences, yet they all affect my life dramatically. That's hard.

He's been my best friend that I can talk to about anything, and now there is so much that we can't talk about. That's really hard

If I didn't adore him so much it would be a lot easier.

What is good is that we have had some really honest, difficult conversations which is scary, but they've made our marriage stronger than ever.

So that is a little from the female partners side.

Sophie
Posted 9/18/2015 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
Sophie,
Without going into a lot of detail, I'll just say, I've been on your side of the table.
It could be really helpful, if you had just one r two (even one) close friends that you could talk, to confide in, unload on, whenever you felt the need. Someone that could even just be a good listener. And someone that you could confide in while trusting that they would keep your confidence.

I hope you have someone in your life like that. If not, it might be helpful to speak with a professional. Maybe someon that your husbands Dr could refer you to who has a practice that is focused on working with cancer patients.

I know it's tough. Often, the person with the cancer becomes so self absorbed, and understandably so, that they lose sight of how their situation is affecting those closest to them, and sometimes even takes their frustration and fear out in those closest to them.

Good luck dealing with this, but more than luck you need someone you can talk to, professional, or otherwise.

Post Edited (Pratoman) : 9/17/2015 7:03:21 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/18/2015 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
Well said, Pratoman.

A good feature of forums like this is that the level of anonymity is whatever you choose it to be. And this PCa forum in particular is one of the best in cyberspace for support and information. Often, however, a face-to-face friend or counselor can provide comfort and guidance in significant ways that a mere faceless forum cannot.

Take care.
Posted 9/18/2015 2:05 AM (GMT 0)
Sophie,
My email is always open and I am willing to lend an ear.
Posted 9/18/2015 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
Sophie, I don't know what you said but this is a good place to bounce ideas off of people. Everybody's experience with prostate cancer is so different that it's hard to figure out what other people are doing. Some guys have total recovery whatever their treatment, others are fighting for some sense of normalcy even when their treatments are making them sick and incapacitated. So text away somebody may give you some insight. In my case since we're talking specifics as shown by my signature below I was a gleason 6 with a small amount of cancer but a lot of BPH, so I was peeing every 2 hours night and day and wanted the prostate out to get rid of that. I could have done active surveillance, some form of radiation or surgery. I chose surgery because I thought it would solve the peeing problem and I hoped for the trifecta of no cancer with 0 psa, no incontinence, and no impotence. Well the peeing urgency did to away but alas the first two items came true but not the third, I'm stuck with trimix forever. I realize your issues are totally different because your husband's cancer has spread further than mine has and he has more issues than I do. I really don't worry about the cancer coming back anymore but I am very disappointed by the trimix. Sex will never be the same and I try to forget it most of the time. I don't approach my wife for sex much anymore because I find taking the shot  somewhat awkward and not spontaneous that I'm not sure it's worth it much of the time. But after a month or two my wife wife wants some intimacy and we do the shot. I don't know how your husband feels, if he's given up all together or what. I know that when I'm under stress at work and feel my job is threatened I withdraw from her. I don't know why I do that but I always have over the years. Perhaps that is what your husband does, I know if I had a life threatening illness I would probably do that. It's not your fault or my wife's fault it's often the way some men react to threats. It seems this would be a good place for you to come, I know my wife wishes she had somebody to talk to about this but she can't go to her sisters about it and she has no other close friends with husbands/boyfriends with prostate cancer so at least you can come here............
Posted 9/18/2015 12:02 PM (GMT 0)

SophieW said...
81GYGY, thanks, this forum with all the wonderful giving members has kept me somewhat sane in a life turned upside down. As I explain below, it is my husbands privacy which holds me back (sometimes) from posting more explicitly.

Steve, glad you weren't in the middle of a long response when I deleted!

Foxrun,

my DH is a very private person. He doesn't want to talk about cancer or the sexual side effects with me let alone anyone else. He doesn't like that i read and post here. and then I feel guilty, as I'm violating his privacy when I post. But it's very hard for me to have no one to talk to as I don't want to share with my friends. This is the only place I have to talk or ask questions. I often don't agree with his medical decisions. So it is very stressful and I have a lot of anxiety and sadness about the sexual SEs as well as the possibility of cancer recurrence.

We do occasionally discuss what needs to be talked about but we don't agree and it's very difficult. One conversation and he's said all that needs saying for him. I, though, get muddled and don't say all I need, plus I need a little rehashing, and I don't want to upset him so it's all bottled up inside with no where to go until enough time has gone by that I can bring stuff up again without upsetting him too much. I hate upsetting him, and I don't like pushing him when he is going thru so much already.

I have no control over the cancer, or his medical decisions, or the consequences, yet they all affect my life dramatically. That's hard.

He's been my best friend that I can talk to about anything, and now there is so much that we can't talk about. That's really hard

If I didn't adore him so much it would be a lot easier.

What is good is that we have had some really honest, difficult conversations which is scary, but they've made our marriage stronger than ever.

So that is a little from the female partners side.

Sophie

Thanks Sophie,
I'm pretty sure I know where you're coming from and unfortunately it's a topic a lot of us guys have difficulty with and I'm pretty certain most of our healthcare professionals have no interest in the topic as well. I'm a believer that we should also be spending some time(with professional sex therapists) to try and fix other related symptoms from PC and it's SE's.
Posted 9/18/2015 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sophie,
If you google "ladies prostate cancer forum" you will find a gals-only group where we freely discuss all the difficult stuff. I highly recommend it.
See you there,
Coyotegirl[img]
Posted 9/18/2015 1:41 PM (GMT 0)

coyotegirl1025 said...
Hi Sophie,
If you google "ladies prostate cancer forum" you will find a gals-only group where we freely discuss all the difficult stuff. I highly recommend it.
See you there,
Coyotegirl[img]

And probably a tad one-sided......lol
Posted 9/18/2015 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
Lol Foxrun, but not as much as you'd think.
Posted 9/18/2015 4:23 PM (GMT 0)

coyotegirl1025 said...
Lol Foxrun, but not as much as you'd think.

Can I join?.....I may learn a thing or two!
Posted 9/19/2015 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
Aww I somehow just deleted a very long response before I sent it! And I'm a slow writer :( I'll try again tomorrow when I have a computer instead of just my phone
Posted 9/19/2015 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
I deleted a post once.
maybe twice.
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