0311,
I know how that info overload can be, even for me now when I go out on Dr visits. One thing I always do is de-brief immediately afterwards. You and your wife can go for a cup of coffee somewhere close, and go over the answers you
both heard, one-by-one, and any other info that was new to you. I think it's good to do that while it's still fresh and detailed in short-term memory. Sometimes you may find that she understood one thing and you understood something totally different. That's OK - just more questions for later.
I also think it's a good idea to send a "thank you" email to the doctor, thanking him for his time and enumerating the nice things you just said about
him in this thread. It never hurts to give an honest well-deserved compliment. You can also
briefly summarize what the important things were that you got out of the conversation, and take the opportunity to ask anything you feel uncertain about
.
If it helps, record the entire conversation next time. Most smartphones have a feature or an app that allows you to do that. Most doctors, in my experience don't mind, as long as you politely ask first. Honestly, I've only once known a patient who went back over his recording - but he was an OCD sort who actually transcribed the entire conversation. But if it adds to your confidence, it may be a good idea.
You'll notice that there are no questions on my list asking a doctor to have an opinion about
anything outside of his own specialty. That only causes confusion and spreads misinformation much of the time. I also never ask which of several therapies he'd recommend. And I especially don't ask which he'd recommend to his own father - remember Oedipus!
If you should ask him anything like that (I know it's only natural to), a doctor well-trained in "shared decision making" will wisely turn the question back at you and ask something like:
which do you feel is right for you and why? and
what further information can I provide you with to help you make your decision? This is a sea change in doctor/patient interactions compared to the 20th century, and there are still doctors out there who prefer the paternalistic model where they just tell you what to do, sweet and simple. I think you'll find that you'll feel more comfortable about
the decision you make using this kind of doctor/patient interaction even though (or because!) it puts more responsibility on your shoulders.
- Allen