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Regrets ? Yes & No

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Posted 5/4/2016 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
I suppose if I wanted to go in that direction, I could find thousands of decisions I've made in my life that I might regret....or at which at least might cause me to wonder how my life might be different had I chosen a different path. Prostate cancer surgery wouldn't be anywhere near the top of that list.

But what would be the point of that? We learn, and we move on.

This topic, oddly, made me recall a song my kids used to listen to on Sesame Street decades ago:
Oh the big becomes the little
When you see it back a bit
The huge becomes the dinky
Which is just the opposite
Of the larger that gets smaller
It never seems to fit
That's about the size of it.

That's about the size
It's where you put your eyes
That's about the size of it.

So, where do we choose to "put our eyes"? On the past, which we can't change, or on the present and the future, over which we at least seem to have a bit of control? The inconveniences I deal with because of prostate cancer surgery absolutely pale in comparison with the issues a number of loved ones are having to deal with because of other cancers, other serious health issues, family problems, financial reversals, and so on. I'd rather live my life looking out the windshield, so to speak, than in the rearview mirror.

Five years ago someone on this forum cautioned others to choose a course of treatment and to never second guess their choices. Good advice then, good advice today.
Posted 5/4/2016 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
^^^^^
You guys who claim to not care any more if your decision was good or not should include this as a clarifying comment any time you offer guidance or input to HW/PC newbies so they understand more clearly where you are coming from. I also frequently do the same--I basically say that I don't encourage others to make the stupid mistakes I made. Most people appreciate that foundation from experience.
Posted 5/4/2016 5:44 PM (GMT 0)

Octorobo said...
I think we are missing a whole segment of men who have regrets. Their regrets are not about libido or erections or "feeling like a man". It about saying good night to their significant other, it's about seeing their child graduate, it's about walking their daughter down the aisle, it's about holding their first grandchild or even a great-grandchild. I have been told there is no internet service available in a casket. It must be true, never seen any of their responses here or anywhere on the web. You reflective "history" buffs just keep remembering "when" and "if". I am going to enjoy the life that I have today, make a difference in someone else's life and hope that there will be more of tomorrow. Grateful I had those times in the past- but that is what they are. It's a new season and I expect to have unfinished work and experiences the day I die - whenever that may be.
The long and short of it is- no pun intended, I know, "they did not tell you it would be "short" - I am grateful for today and the future that I have.
Ocotorobo

I think it's very important to keep octorobo's point in mind too.
Posted 5/4/2016 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
^^^^^
Couldn't agree more....for high risk cases.

Low risk cases...those things were not in jeopardy.

The is just ANOTHER example of how different the diseases are at the different ends of the spectrum, and how often we do a disservice in comments to one end or the other when we don't specify the intended audience

One size does not fit all.
Posted 5/4/2016 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
Je ne regrette rien.

Would you like me to sing it?

Hint, answer = No your singing is horrendous
Posted 5/4/2016 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
I have no regrets about my decision to undergo a Radical Prostatectomy in February 2004.
My Post-Prostatectomy PSA has remained undetectable for the past 12 years.
Although I developled ED Post-Prostatectomy, I was implanted with a Coloplast Titan Penile Prosthesis in
December 2007 and this permanently corrected my ED and returned me to full sexual function.
Therefore, I am very happy with both my decision to undergo a Radical Prostatectomy and my subsequent decision to be implanted with the Coloplast Titan IPP (Inflatable Penile Prosthesis).
Hope this has been helpful.
Bob
Posted 5/4/2016 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
No regrets at all. I don't know what my future holds so far as PC but I've learned not to waste too much time looking back. I make my decisions the best I can with the information I gather and then move forward. If I am not pleased with an outcome I learn from it and move on. I think being self-employed most of my life has really taught me this, always make the best decision I can and move on. If a mistake is made I always learn from it and continue to grow. Regret is kind of useless to me, just negative energy that serves no purpose in my life. I am not questioning those who have regret, it is just how I have chosen to live my life....Jim
Posted 5/4/2016 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Follow up to We Can Do This post above.

"Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien," song by celebrated French singer Edith Piaf, released 1960.

The lyrics (English version):

No, I Regret Nothing

No, nothing at all,
No, I regret nothing
Not the good things they did to me
Nor the bad -- may as well be the same to me!
No, nothing at all,
No, I regret nothing.
It's bought and paid for, wiped away, forgotten,
I don't give a darn about the past!
With my memories
I've lit up the fire
Of my troubles, my pleasures,
I don't need them any more!
Wiped away the romances
And all their instabilities
Swept away for eternity
I restart at zero
No, nothing at all,
No, I regret nothing
Not the good things they did to me
Nor the bad -- may as well be the same to me!
No, nothing at all,
No, I regret nothing
Because my life, because my joys
Today, I begin with you

The song:

/www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3Kvu6Kgp88
Posted 5/4/2016 8:42 PM (GMT 0)

Northern Lights said...

Octorobo said...
I think we are missing a whole segment of men who have regrets. Their regrets are not about libido or erections or "feeling like a man". It about saying good night to their significant other, it's about seeing their child graduate, it's about walking their daughter down the aisle, it's about holding their first grandchild or even a great-grandchild. I have been told there is no internet service available in a casket. It must be true, never seen any of their responses here or anywhere on the web. You reflective "history" buffs just keep remembering "when" and "if". I am going to enjoy the life that I have today, make a difference in someone else's life and hope that there will be more of tomorrow. Grateful I had those times in the past- but that is what they are. It's a new season and I expect to have unfinished work and experiences the day I die - whenever that may be.
The long and short of it is- no pun intended, I know, "they did not tell you it would be "short" - I am grateful for today and the future that I have.
Ocotorobo

I think it's very important to keep octorobo's point in mind too.

This is gold^^^^^. NL, thanks for bbringing focus back to it
Posted 5/4/2016 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
What frustrates the heck out of me in this thread, and similar threads, is the implication...and it's not always implied, but said flat out...is that those of us who were low-to-intermediate risk should feel a certain way about our choice to be treated, and should be upset/angry/regretful at "the system" that "pushed us" to be treated.

And I don't feel that way. The way my situation played out, treatment was probably inevitable, so as I said earlier in another thread, I may have treated early, but not unnecessarily.

If this comment is out of bounds, I'll remove it.
Posted 5/4/2016 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Nice point, halbert. Brings into question whether people are making up definitions to suit their own "needs" or point of view.

Here's overtreatment definition: "Overtreatment in the strict sense may refer to unnecessary medical interventions, including treatment of a self-limited condition (overdiagnosis), or extensive treatment for a condition that requires only limited treatment."


Are we talking about the same thing here?
Posted 5/4/2016 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
This thread has certainly become…well... becoming...
Posted 5/5/2016 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
...becoming valuable to newcomers
Posted 5/5/2016 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
Moving this back a bit to the question raised by the OP, i.e. possible regrets related to PCaa treatment, I have none at this time. But...I am continually amazed that folks who have recurrences of their PCa or have onerous side effects from their treatment don't somehow "regret" their choices.

I guess I'm wired a little differently. Here is what I'm talking about. Once I had decided on seeds as my treatment I had the choice of mono-therapy with seeds alone or dual-therapy wherein I added external radiation along with the seeds. I was a G-7. My uro and RO told me that seeds alone were likely to do the trick but I could add the other radiation if I wanted to be "more sure". I rolled the dice with seeds alone but I can assure you that if my PCa returns I will surely "regret" that I didn't go for the surer bet. That doesn't mean I will wallow in my sorrow; rather just that I will recognize that despite my best efforts, I probably should have made a better previous decision.

Likewise, I can assure you that my response to shorter weenie, long term diaper use and ED would be sure regret if that was what I faced as a result of my treatment decision no matter that my cancer was cured.

Like I said...I guess that's just my different make up and take on this.

Jim
Posted 5/5/2016 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Yes as you said Jack…also becoming in the sense that summer dresses are becoming to a woman..
Posted 5/5/2016 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
without bloviating or obfuscating: no regrets.

ed
Posted 5/5/2016 5:38 PM (GMT 0)
I first "regretted" starting this post ... Now I don't ;-)
Posted 5/5/2016 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
I have no regrets because I went through everything for my son, but I have felt like less off a man since surgery. I've read statements from guys who have said that there sexuality does not define them and I get it but out sexuality is part of us as human beings that part of me I miss but no I can't regret it. Even though I get on my sons nerves he needs me right now
Posted 5/5/2016 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
I rather be alive without a PC than dead with a diseased prostate. I never look back. It is what it is.
Posted 5/5/2016 8:26 PM (GMT 0)

halbert said...
What frustrates the heck out of me in this thread, and similar threads, is the implication...and it's not always implied, but said flat out...is that those of us who were low-to-intermediate risk should feel a certain way about our choice to be treated, and should be upset/angry/regretful at "the system" that "pushed us" to be treated.

And I don't feel that way. The way my situation played out, treatment was probably inevitable, so as I said earlier in another thread, I may have treated early, but not unnecessarily.

If this comment is out of bounds, I'll remove it.

I don't consider your comments out of bounds, and am glad that you expressed them. You apparently joined this forum two months before your surgery, and, I would guess, asked questions, and read up on the options and opinions. So, you made a well-informed decision for treatment that some others might have put off. No problem with that. And, as things turned out, the post-op pathology was more serious than previously known.

The usual case that criticizes "overtreatment" stereotypically describes somebody who panics at the dx, yells "get it out", and books the next surgical appointment he can get. That wasn't you, and probably only includes a few men these days. So, try to blow off any posts that you think are second-guessing you. They don't apply. You did your homework, and made the right decision. Nobody can criticize that.
Posted 5/5/2016 9:01 PM (GMT 0)
ASA: thank you.
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