July 30th: I need a change of scenery. My eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying and my head feels like it's about
to explode. After mulling it over a bit, I decide that I want to go to a local state park with old growth redwoods that was one of our favorite places to hang out. Even when Gary had lost most of his stamina, he was able to walk around the trails there, because they were so accessible and flat. Until PCa took its toll, Gary loved outdoors. Prior to his recliner, the bench under our redwood trees was his hangout.
I asked the kids to join me, and we loaded up the coolers and the grandkids and took off for Hendy Woods. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon; the weather was perfect. When we arrived and I headed off into the trees, I was so surprised to find the trails completely devoid of people. I was all alone beneath the majesty of the old growth, a gentle breeze whispering through the branches, sending little squeaks and sighs down to the forest floor. As I looked up into those familiar branches towering above, I could feel Gary's presence among them with a certainty that left me holding my breath, caught up in a spell that was broken by the laughter of my granddaughters, running up and down the length of a huge fallen tree trunk. The family joined me and I pushed the baby in her stroller, watching her looking up in wonder with those big blue eyes, perfectly content the entire walk.
Then we walked down to the river, set up chairs and a little tent for the baby and played in the water for the rest of the afternoon. After having dinner at a local pub, Isabella and I headed home, and I was finally able to sleep for several hours straight.
July 31: Isabella got up before me for the first time in years. She crawled into bed with me and we looked up at the ceiling and talked about
her dreams. While we were staring at the rough cut wood planks on our bedroom ceiling, we somehow got to talking about
all the remodeling that P-paw had done in our house, like the ceiling, and the hardwood floor that looks like a sunburst and the hand made redwood doors and the big windows he put in that look out into the redwood trees in the back yard.
After breakfast Isabella crawled into Gary's recliner where she always say next to him and remarked, " I can feel P-paw sitting next to me. "
So we talked a little bit about
a person's spirit, and that I believe that sometimes, even when the body has given out, the spirit may linger a little longer before leaving to its next destination.
I had originally planned to go to the mortuary and make arrangements for cremation, but decided to call and reschedule so I could spend the day with Isabella. She loves to collect rocks, and there is a rock shop about
an hours drive away that Gary and I often stopped at, just to look at the fossils and Big Sur jade. And that's where we ended up, with a few treasures to add to her collection. Then we stopped at a fruit stand where the fruit is grown in the orchard right there, prior to heading home. Isabella went home with her mom, and I spent my first night at home by myself.
August 1: A friend of mine whose husband died unexpectedly a year ago offered to go with me to the mortuary. I said yes, and asked if we could talk a little bit about
what to expect prior to going. Her husband had also been cremated. So I went to her house and she told me a funny story about
looking at overpriced urns for the ashes, and knew that was just not what her husband would want. The funeral director told her she could bring her own container if she liked, and drop it off the day before she was scheduled to get the ashes. After talking it over with her brother and sister in-law, they decided on a six pack beer cooler that she purchased on sale. She also told me that the body must be driven the two blocks to the crematorium in a casket, but they would sell me anything from a cardboard box (excuse me, corrugated carton) to a fancy coffin. How helpful it was to know what to expect, and to have someone with me, for companionship, if nothing else. The gentleman we met with was very personable, and didn't try to convince me to buy anything more expensive than I wanted. The total cost for the cremation only was 2,000. That's in the higher end of cost, but as I mentioned before, they are the only business in town to offer the services, so that was expected. The cardboard (excuse me, corrugated carton) was $140. The death certificates were $21 for each (again, a little on the high end).
From experience handling my mother's estate, I knew to get at least half a dozen. Depending upon how many life insurance policies, direct heirs, accounts, etc, the number of original death certificates needed varies. But one is not going to be enough.
Footnote: In order to keep some semblance of sanity, I let the answering machine and voice mail pick up all phone calls. I don't return every phone call and answer every email and text.
August 2: My dearest mother in law and sister in law arrive. I was at grocery when they got to the house. When I walk through the door Grammy (Gary's Mom) is sitting in Gary's recliner, and she tells me she purposefully chose to be sitting there when I got home. She is a very wise woman.
Almost done...one more post tomorrow.
Post Edited (celebrate life) : 8/4/2017 1:09:54 AM (GMT-6)