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Elated, then Devastated (Tribute to my friend)

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Prostate Cancer
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Posted 7/29/2018 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Elated because I read about Todd’s PSA remaining at undetectable, Elated, because mine is also there, for the 46th month. Advanced PC stopped in it’s tracks!

Yet on the same day that I heard that news, I received the devastating news that my good friend Tom Mele lost his 2 ½ year battle with this insidious disease. I worked along side of Tom for 2 years. He loved to do the “jumble” puzzles at lunchtime. He was a genuine good guy, always jovial, a devoted Cleveland Indian fan, a devoted husband, he and his wife had two sons. He was only 64 years old.

When he was diagnosed in Bakersfield in November 2015, his Doctor told him it was very far advanced, with several bone mets. I never did find out his stats, just his PSA was 120. Treatment with Lupron lowered it to around 90 for a while, and then it began to rise, constantly. I got him to go to the Cancer Center in Goodyear with me, he even saw my same doctor, and we sat in the infusion room to get Xgeva shots together 2 years ago. His complaint at that time was suffering from GERD, and he was very fatigued.

He then sought treatment at the Santa Barbara cancer center, where treatments of Zytiga, Xtanti, and Jevanta all failed for him. He worked, providing for his wife, up until February of this year. His bone mets spread to his spine and to his skull. He underwent palliative radiation treatments. He went on disability in March 2018, and his PSA continued to rise to over 3,000 in April 2018. The last time I spoke to him in May this year, he told me that he slept most of the time, and he changed the subject to baseball.

When another co-worker, told me the news Wednesday, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Although I knew this day was coming for him , I ran through the stages of grief, and the worst of it was the anger, still is. I realized that but but for the grace…., so go I.

I will cherish his memory. I intend to put together a little notebook of all of our e-mails back and forth, to present to his family. Hoping they can find some solace there. I wish that I could talk to him, one more time.
Tell your loved ones that you love them, every day, and live each day, really live life. Stay strong and battle on Brothers! Having said all that I still remain, keeping the faith that this disease will one day fall.
I am still, on the Wings of Eagles.
Posted 7/29/2018 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I have known way too many men who have died from prostate cancer, but I am grateful that I also know many men like you and Todd who are living with the disease.
Posted 7/29/2018 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry to hear of your loss, Wings. It always hurts to lose a good friend, a peer, and it’s hard to take.
May he Rest In Peace and May you come to be at peace with this loss, over time.
Posted 7/29/2018 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
That is sad news. It is so hard to someone like this.

Peace,
Andrew
Posted 7/29/2018 3:15 AM (GMT 0)

Wings of Eagles said...
......Tell your loved ones that you love them, every day, and live each day, really live life.

Excellent advice! So sorry for your loss.
Posted 7/29/2018 4:23 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Allen, Andrew, Prato and Go Bucks, your replies always helps.

Wings aka Dan in fire-y So Cal
Posted 7/29/2018 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
Devastated for you (and Tom's family and friends). Thinking of you all on the other side of the world, and your idea of putting together your correspondence for Tom's family is incredibly touching. Sending all our best to you and yours. Jaybee&GG
Posted 7/29/2018 10:39 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry to hear this, Dan. What a good friend you were to him and the notebook is such a thoughtful gesture! Sending you and Tom's family peace and prayers across the miles. Sue
Posted 7/29/2018 12:22 PM (GMT 0)
Wings, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm sure the notebook you present to his family will be cherished as will your love and respect for him.

Jim
Posted 7/29/2018 12:23 PM (GMT 0)
Wings, I’m so sorry for your loss. You wrote a beautiful tribute. May he Rest In Peace.
Posted 7/29/2018 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
I'm very sorry to hear that your friend passed away. May he rest in peace X
Posted 7/29/2018 1:19 PM (GMT 0)
Wings:

You've expressed your thoughts beautifully.
My condolences.
I am so saddened to read these kind of posts.
Thank you for sharing.

Mel
Posted 7/29/2018 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
Wings,
There are things in life that bond us together. This disease we are fighting strips us bare and exposes the bond we share. My condolences and prayers to Tom, his family and you, his friend.
As you said, "Stay strong and battle in Brothers"
Posted 7/29/2018 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
Wings -

Yes, the depth of your tribute to him reveals what a good friend he was to you. Sincere condolences.
Posted 7/29/2018 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
Wings: Sorry for the loss of your good friend. Good friends become soul mates and confidants in our life. I just lost a very good friend and know what it feels like inside. As others have mentioned, we have won a lot more battles of the beast than we have lost and for that we are blessed and grateful.
Posted 7/30/2018 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
Wings,

You were a very good friend. You made his journey easier to bare.
Paul
Posted 7/30/2018 3:41 AM (GMT 0)
Wings,

So sorry about your loss. Thank you for letting us know our friend's life.
Posted 7/30/2018 5:20 AM (GMT 0)
What a wonderful tribute to your friend albeit a sorrowful one as well. He was very lucky to have a friend in you.
Posted 7/30/2018 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
These situations are always so difficult to deal with. The older we get, the more incidence there is of friends and family passing away. I'm so glad you enjoyed a great friendship with your colleague. I heard the last manager I reported to before retirement passed away from a disease - he was about 15 years my junior and a good guy.
Posted 7/31/2018 4:44 AM (GMT 0)
Wings, thank you for sharing this story about the recent loss of your friend. My condolences to you as you continue to experience all your different emotions and grief.

I was diagnosed as Very metastatic 4.5 years ago, yet have known at least 5 men who were diagnosed later than I was, and who have died within the last year after burning through more multiple treatments relatively quickly. The emotional impact of this has never been easy. I can certainly identify with feeling a whole range of emotions that are triggered by every one of these sad events .... hitting so close to home.

I sometimes wonder if other longer-term survivors/responders (like Todd, e.g.) may also feel some twinges of the "survivor's guilt" that I sometimes feel in these relative circumstances. I realize that it's mostly just the PTSD of advanced PCa, and that much of it is simply the "luck of the draw" of individual cancer biology vs. treatments, but the emotions can still be triggered by each of the treatment response downturns and deaths of those we have known with advanced PCa.

I agree with you, Wings. Cherish and live authentic lives with our loved ones and fellow PCa patients and friends while we can. Life is Good, and we can be Healed in many ways right until the very end of our lives, even if we may never be Cured in a strict medical sense.

"Big Lupron Hugs" to you.
Charles
Posted 8/5/2018 9:41 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Wings of Eagles,

This is a collective brotherhood, and I am mindful of you, in the loss of your friend.

I'm thankful for the good memories that you have, to carry you forward.

May you and his family be comforted, in the days ahead.

I am very sorry to hear the news of the passing of your good friend, Wings of Eagles.

Fellowship and friendship,
CYCLONE ~ Iowa State University
Posted 8/7/2018 3:02 PM (GMT 0)
No man is an island; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main...any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Famous words from John Donne. Perhaps not as dark as it may seem. I can see hopeful interpretations.
Posted 8/7/2018 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
To all,
I am absolutely elated to have a family of friends like you all, thanks for all the heartfelt responses, they touch my heart!
Thanks again to Jaybee, Sue, Jim, Saipan,Mel, Dogdays, 81gyGuy,Browntrout, PDL17, DSBear, Almost a 10, John Tx, Charles, Brother Darrin-Cyclone, and Mattamy, and anyone else that I might have missed.
As always,
Keep the faith!
Wings aka Dan in fire ravaged So Cal

Post Edited (Wings of Eagles) : 8/7/2018 1:55:50 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/7/2018 4:30 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry Dan. RIP
Posted 8/7/2018 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend from PC.

Good advice given to others in you closing paragraph. Continued good luck to you.
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