Thank you for all your messages ❤️ Dennis... I vaguely recall someone pointing me in the direction of this forum... and so it was you. Thank you.. it’s been a God send.
I’m in a strange place right now. I think I’ve said it before, I feel relief that he’s no longer suffering.... how he held it together both physically and emotionally I will never know but that’s testament to the kind of man my Dad was. I think you end up adapting each day to the different circumstances... but I look round the house and see all the medication, his mobility aids... all of these things helping him stay alive and I’m dumbfounded. It’s made me take stock of how very poorly my Dad had become but it became the norm. He was clearly a fighter... but no more fighting now. He’s probably looking down on me now telling me to get out and enjoy myself
I will forever cherish the time I got to spend with him in his final months. I think I need to take a little care of myself as I find myself wondering if I could have done something better/something more to help. I think that’s probably part of the grieving process .. I’m not going to lie, the failure of 2 syringe drivers on the day he passed was beyond stressful ... I am tormented that.... (I don’t think I’ll go in to it) but I fear that he probably should have been more sedated than he was at times. That kills me, it also makes me feel like maybe he should have been in a hospice where the whole failure of the syringe driver issue could have been acted upon immediately. I’m beating myself up about
that a little. I never really thought about
what if something went a little ‘wrong’ towards the end. Is it better to be in hospital/hospice... It’s certainly something I would think about
if I ever have to face a similar situation again. Which brings me back to having to look after myself a little ... I don’t want what went wrong to take over from the fact that his final moments were peaceful.
As many of you have been through this with relatives ... it was the most moving experience of my life and thank God I was there holding his hand.
All of my love
Kathryn x
Post Edited (Kathy77) : 8/27/2018 9:43:58 AM (GMT-6)