NEW HERE...STILL IN SHOCK

But coping as well as I can. Husband had psa of 7.8 ,all they could get from the biopsy were 6 samples due to the fact he has a small prostate.Cancer was found in all samples. The doc gave him two choices,robot or lap and that was it. He wants to take everything and leave nothing even though his bone scan and all the other test say it is contained.He is a 55 year old who still is very active sexually. I know this is killing him also knowing he will have to wear pads the rest of his life. Will kegel exersize help him any? I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I COULDN'T BARE TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM!We have been married for 35 years.Sex I can live without, NOT MY BEST FRIEND...Is this doctor correct on taking it all from him or will they know when they get inside. He will have a different doctor for the surgery....thanks so much for any replies .I'M STILL IN A FOG.......GINJER..forgot, he had a shot of lupron.

Hi Ginjer,

First, take a deep breath. Prostate cancer is very curable when caught early as you husband's doctor indicates. Only a small percentage of patients suffer long term incontinence and most return to sexual activity after surgery.

However, you and he should investigate all forms of treatment and there are many. Read the experiences of people here on the forum. We chose the treatment option that fit and that we were comfortable with. So reasearch options, make a decision then don't look back. You have time.

More folks will answer your post and please stay with us...

Jim

Ginjer,

EVERYONE here got the news you got at one time or another.  It is scary, at first.

Things you can do:

*Edit your signature to show your husband's age, gleeson score, and the biopsy information you already indicated.  This will help your new friends here help you.

*Your husband should start learning and doing Kegel exercises three times a day.  Incontinence may last a day, a month, three months, - maybe more.  Most leave pads before six months these days.  A few still just wear a small pad for minor squirts that appear once a week or so.

*Your husband should also try to get in as good a physical condition he can before any treatment you choose.  Lose a few pounds.  Do some cardio.  Ask the doctor first!

*You should plan on getting a second opinion about whatever treatment you are leaning toward.  Tell us what part of the country you are in and you will get area specific information about treatment facilities and options your physician might not mention.  (Specialists are passionate about what they do....You should talk to at least two!)

*You should read Bluebird's Helpful Hint Thread and look at the threads indexed there that address your needs.

ON This Forum, You Should FEEL FREE TO ASK:  QUESTIONS OR FOR HELP OR JUST FOR SOMEONE TO TALK TO about THE ISSUES OR JUST FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU GET UPSET.  It often helps you just to tell us what you are thinking.

IF you decide on radical prostatectomy: When they remove "everything" in a radical prostatectomy, they take the prostate, the vas deferens, and the seminal vessicles.  The testicles remain and your husband will still experience (dry) orgasm.  After some time (For a VERY few almost no time, for most from 3 months to two years) natural erections will return for most patients.  Physicians never want to promise anything as every patient is different and yet they want you to think positively for the best outcome.

The main thing is,  take a little time and check out your options.  Reading the threads on Helpful Hints is a good start.  Don't take too long but I really do recommend you find the best facility that fits your situation for a second opinion, make an appointment, send a copy of all your records, and discuss your plans with this second physician.  It may seem like a bit of a hassle - but it is the best advice I can think of for you right now. 

Your friend,

C^Cedar 

 

Hi ~ Ginjer,   Best Friends….. ...then your journey into this unknown world will be much smoother because of your relationship with your honey!!!   Traveling with friends who have been where you are right now and some are right where you are now….will make the path much smoother.    STOP ~ take a nice deep breathe …. Do it again …. Now….   Take time to understand (gain the Knowledge) that will help you both to cope with this diagnosis.   Knowledge is Power and Power truly takes away the fear.   Buddy & I invite you to visit our personal thread “Our Journey” (link in signature below)…   If one thing from our experience helps you ~ it will make our hearts happy…   It can give you 1 view of many paths that are now available to all of us.   How fortunate we are to be living in a time where we really do have options.   Thank you for reaching out to all of us.   We are here for you ~   Stay close and we will walk with you. In New Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy

Biker-Thanks for the quick responce. He only has the two options,robtic or laproscopic and after radiation. His doc does not want him opened.  AZTEC- You and your wife have a wonderful and memorable time this weekend. My husband cannot have a partial, prostate is all cancer . CEDAR-I will try to edit,i'm not very computer savy. Thanks for all the info. It sure has made me feel better . Bluebird - Thanks for the welcome. I sure will be here alot. I'LL I'll be reading your link soon.I have my granddaughter this weekend and we are off to the hot air balloon festival soon . Hawkfan-All I want is my BEST BUD here with me and our family. Grandkids and kids adore him . He is OUR ROCK...We still have not told any of our family yet. I hate to see how our kids will react and the rest of the family. We want all the facts in first. We have an appointment with a radialogist oncologist on monday. YOU ALL BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AND JOY TO THIS LOST WIFE....I AM NO LONGER LOST BUT FOUND SOME WONDERFUL CARING PEOPLE .....BIG HUGS TO ALL, AS I AM A HUGGER!!!!!!                                          

ginjer--welcome to the site. You will find a great number of people here who care very much and have a lot of knowledge and support.

I know it is silly to say this but slow down. What I found was that the perception of Prostate Cancer on the street is a long way from what the facts are.
For some reason when this disease is mentioned everyone gets this pale look of shock and futility. The factual statistics are very very good. Yes it is serious--but most of us not only survive but survive wonderfully and completely.
Look around the site--talk to individuals by posting on their threads and I think that you will discover that the prognosis in all areas for you husband is great. And in the process you will have a whole new family that is truly there with you.

I think that a quick look at my signature line will let you know that my cancer was very serious. I too had cancer throughout the prostate (even though the sampling came up with a few biopsies showing clean). I had an extremely high PTI. There were a lot of signs that said I was in it for a long time. Even my doctor who has performed over 700 surgeries said that he sees 15 cancers before finding one like mine. The post op pathology found cancer even worse than the biopsy.---the results as you can see---clean margins--complete use of bladder within a few weeks--and starting to address ED issues.

Of course everyone is not as fortunate as I, however, the statistics on treatment and cure rate are really good.
And from my experience, after you have made your own personal decision and choice on the type of treatment that is appropriate for you. Move ahead. I liked immediately being on this side of the hill (done with the wondering) and moving ahead with healing.

Welcome to the site. You have friends here

David

Hi ~ Ginjer,   This “Hugs”   for you !!!         Buddy & I waited until the last few days before surgery…to share with our family the diagnosis and treatment we chose.   Needless worry for something they had no control over and we were fine dealing with it together.   My work family was informed closer to the date that I would be away due to payroll issues, paying bills, etc… that needed to be completed before my time away.   Fortunately we were heading into a 3-week break from school and it did make things easier all the way around.   Now ~ we spread the word.   We don’t go into a long drawn out conversation… we simply state… "We have traveled the path of prostate cancer and we are here to share with you that if caught early…. It is curable….   Make sure your husband, sons, brothers, nephews, uncles, and grandparents…..   get tested."   They look at Buddy and see a very healthy young man at 54…    From this conversation in the pool at the YMCA with a few ladies…. We had 2 ladies approach us when we entered the pool a few weeks later…   They said they had heard from another lady about our experience and that their (husband/brother) was recently diagnosed.   Here enters a new bond of friendship ~ *mvesr   (Mika, Dale, and sister Kay) Mika & Dale have joined us here at HealingWell  and his journey along with many others are shared here for all of us to pull from...    Spreading the word is a personal decision.   And in the decision of moving forward always remember……   KNOWLEDGE     IS     POWER   ...   and   POWER conquers   fear   YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS… YOU HAVE OPTIONS… ~ and ~ Your decision will be the right decision for you!!!   Keeping you close during this time of searching for answers… Stay close and as Wittler would say…. STAY STRONG   In Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy

Ginjer,

Please take a step back and begin logically planning out the next steps.  You have been hit hard and there are a lot of emotions bombarding the two of you.  Information is the most important need for the two of you.  Second and even third opinions are critical sources of information.  It is frustrating dealing with a PCa diagnosis as there is no obvious treatment.  While the majority of men on this site have gone with a surgical treatment I would encourage you to look at other forms.

As to sex even if the nerves have to be removed to ensure removal of all of the cancer there are still interventions that can be done to allow you to have sex.  I presently am using penile injections and they give me an erection just like I had before the surgery and the sex that my wife and I have is just as good if not better so take heart in this information and focus now upon getting rid of the cancer.

Tamu

Yo, Ginj.

Let me chime in with those above that "all is not lost". First off, treatments these days are excellent, from both the standpoint of cure rates AND also side effects. Second, I'll give you the same advice I was given when I first got my diagnosis--"you've basically got to take on your own education in biology, cancer and treatment options, almost like you're getting a graduate degree to the point that you feel completely confident in your choice of treatment and selection of your MD". I also went with the DaVinci and would do it again in a heartbeat if faced with the choice.

This is not a new path, it just feels like it to those of us who are walking on it. But my Dr's predictions have been almost spot-on in terms of timing of my recovery and how things would go.

Get a second (and third) opinion. Oh, and get yourselves to a prostate cancer support group. It will be a big help and source of valuable information, as the guys in the group will know the reputations of all the local doctors and specialists. And will be able to share their personal tips for getting through this.

God bless.

Greenacres, Thanks for your reply. I asked the doc about the nerve sparing, he said no.My husband only has the two options laproscopic or the da vinci. I think he doesn't want to chance nicking the prostate and having cancer leak out.TAMU-Thanks for the advice on the injections. Husband hates needles, but if he wants to try bad enough,just maybe! PROSTATE- Doc says everything must go,no nerve sparing.Thank-you for the advice.NAIMNUT- Thank-you for your reply. Doc said no to the nerve sparing. H doesn't even want him opened up. Da Vinci or laproscopic only. Doc wants him in the operating room asap! another Doctor will be preforming his surgery,just maybe he will view some other alternative. I can always pray and hope. He will be having surgery at HENRY FORD HOSPITAL in Detroit Michigan. We have no date yet, but could maybe today.BROKER-Thanks so much for your reply also. Everyone here is so caring and sharing of the truth about prostate cancer.It needs to be told to all our fathers,sons,brothers and friends. Most of all the meaning of the psa numbers to be explained. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOLD TO MY HUSBAND WHEN HIS NUMBERS WERE 2.0 THAN 3.3. Then he missed a yearly physical last year!!!   GINJER

Hello Ginjer,

I have read all the posts. The information you received is teriffic. The cancer seems to be confined. This is good news. Now you can select a treatment. I take it you have done some research and even got a second opinion. Take a minute or two to realize that you have already helped your husband in a very loving way by finding this site and reading people's advice.

All Best Wishes,

           Vet   

           

Ginger, your husband if very fortunate that they found  his Perineural invasion upon biopsy and now the surgeon knows how to proceed.  They didn't find my PNI until final path and did the nerve sparing and therefore could have left cancer in those nerves, time will tell.  Also biopsy read by 2 labs showed (R) side only, final path showed both sides with 40% of gland involvement.

You are correct about knowing your numbers, I was checked yearly by urologist with DRE and psa.  My psa went from 1.8, 2.5, 3.5, 4.7 in consecutive years and was told everything was normal, and did not order a biopsy until it was 4.7.  Why this yearly rise did not raise his concern I do not know, as a layman I have read enough since September to educate myself about psa velosity, and now know that a biopsy should have done when it was 2.5 after climbing over 12 mos and most definately at 3.5, with a man of 54.  A surgeon I saw told me this cancer should have been taken out 2 years earlier.

If you have time you might want to get Dr. Walsh's book and also check Dr. Catalona's site concerning nerve sparing and PNI as he was one of the pioneers who perfected this procedure.  Your husband is fortunate as I am to have a caring and conerned wife.

I have read great things about the Ford clinic so it sounds like you are in good hands.  Don't forget about prayer, believe me it helps.

Ron

Ginjer:

PNI is Perineural invasion - this is the sheath that covers the nerve bundles and it means that the cancer has invaded this area which is probably why the doctor said there would be no nerve sparing surgery.  As Broker said, I too was under the impression the once a Lupron shot was given there would be a delay in treatment - my husband had proton and I'm pretty sure you have to wait several months before starting if you have been given Lupron.  Besides trying to slow down the growth of cancer Lupron is also given to decrease the size of the prostate for those men with enlarged prostates.

With your husbands PSA and high gleason it might be worth it to take all of his records to  a medical oncologist that could just bring everything together. 

Wishing you the best on your journey and since you are a hugger, (((HUGS)))) to you.  Your husband is very lucky to have you to share this journey with him.

Dutch-ESS