Help I'm losing it!!

my dear husband was diagnosed in Feb with lung cancer and in pre op process, discovered he had been having blood in urine for a couple of months and was sent to urologist for cysto 3 days prior to lobectomy and he was found to have a tumor in transurethra which was intertwined and twisted which the dr stated he had never seen anything like it...something you read about and hear about but never get to see...Wow...aren't we lucky. (his PSA was 2.6 prostate not enlarged)  His path report came back as stage IV but he was having his upper lobe removed and this had to wait.  the uro stated it wouldn't hurt to wait at least 6 months and once we went back to him after the lung surgery, he would change his story every week that we went to him.  I wanted a bone scan, at first he agreed, then he said he didn't  need one and all of a sudden wanted to do a TURP.  I decided to go for second opinion.  In the meantime, we saw an oncologist who had ordered many tests to see if the lung tumor cancer (carcinoid) was any place else and did the bone and Pet scan and said we must go the the other urologist right away.  we did and he did another cysto and we went back for the results this week.  We have been through so much with the lung and felt that this would not be that serious as the first urologist stated we had so much time to deal with it....apparently, not so....I was so shocked when the doctor started talking that I had to 'zone out' to keep from screaming at him, so I do not have all the numbers, yet...all I know is that the Gleason was 8-9 and it is too late for surgical intervention.  He started the hormone treatment that day (depot Lupron) and Casodex along with Flomax and we have to see the radiation oncologist next week.  I heard bits and pieces and radiation every day and another bone scan in a couple of months.

Normally, I am very strong and deal with these issues more rational than I am now.  We are very strong in our "faith" and know that God will get us through but right now, I need to hear from people that can  elp me understand what to expect and how to support my husband who has 'always' had a positive, loving attitude about everything but with this, he seems afraid and I suppose that is why I am so hysterical......please tell me I will survive this

thanks

Faith

Gordy,
thanks for your words of encouragement...aren't you special

Faith...you'll survive this.

Understandably, you both are frightened and wondering what the H is going on. You're in a very scary place right now. I'm not saying it will become less scary, but you will learn to deal with it. You will take notes when you go to the doctor's office, you will research his options...hopefully you have a family member or friend who can help you with this. Even if someone could go to his appts. with you...3 heads are better than 2 confused, scared ones and they'll remember things you won't.

At some point...you'll do what we've all had to do. You will move forward, because you HAVE to. You both have things you HAVE to deal with so you will.

We will be here for you, even if all we can do is cyber-listen. There are many good people here who care and will offer words of encouragement & advice. We're not experts but have all been through this in some form or another.

I sincerely hope you keep posting and hope the best for you both,
Susan

Dear Net,

Welcome to a very compassionate forum.  I believe the good people here can offer help and comfort to you.  Your emotions are understandable and you won't need to make any apologies here for those emotions.  In addition, it sounds to me that your faith and determination are strong enough to support a plan to do whatever it takes for your husband.   I think you will feel so much better when a plan of action is decided upon between you and the health care professionals.

In the mean time, all of us are here to listen and add to your support.

God bless you and your husband.  You are in our thoughts and prayers.

All the best,

Barry (a.k.a. Idaho)

Dear Faith and Brice,

I know not what the future holds for you.  It seems that you will have some difficult times ahead of you.  The fine people here are wonderful and caring human beings.  We are not experts, but we are experienced with prostate cancer.  I recommend that you visit often.  This place helped me more than I can express. 

I am not a religious person, but many of my friends are and they find great comfort in their faith.  You will find many here who share your belief.  Don't give up on it.

We are mostly non-aggressive here and that's a good thing.  We comfort and support rather than get in your face and contradict.  Having said that, Gordy is out of line with his comment.  He has serious cancer issues and is properly upset about it.  I don't blame him. If he and I knew each other we would most likely get along well. 

I hope you come back and accept the support you will find here.

Regards,

Bill

Lee, if I'm out of line, feel free to delete me.

Jetguy-

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I consider myself to be standing in quicksand and it's just about up to my chin. However, since being diagnosed in January, 2005, I have never once asked "why me".

I am very fortunate that my employer has a plan with United Healthcare which allowed me to go to any one of 23 "Cancer Centers of Excellence" for a second opinion. I took them up on it and chose the best, M.D. Anderson, in Houston. While waiting to board the plane, I noticed a little girl with a kerchief on her head, and her mother. As it turned out, they were sitting in the row directly behind us on the plane - mom, dad and 6 year old Mia. Being the gregarious person I am, I stuck my face in the gap between my my seatback which was slightly reclined and my wife's, which was upright and started talking to them. At this point, Mia had taken her kerchief off, and I was able to see the few wisps of blond hair which were left on her scalp. She'd already undergone chemotherapy and was now going to M.D. Anderson for Proton Beam therapy. She has a very rare tumor in her head, above her upper palate. While I was waiting at the baggage carousel in Houston, my wife had a conversation with Mia's mom, who gave my wife the URL for their blog.

I've been reading the blog - Mia has to have general anesthesia, which she hates (she calls it her 'special sleep') for each treatment so that she doesn't move during the procedure.

My question to those who believe a loving, caring, just, god is going to pull them through this horror we call cancer (or in my case called mutated, incurable prostate cancer) is what 6 year old Mia has done to deserve having been inflicted with her special form of the disease.

Now, having gotten that off my mind and into print, I ask the moderators to, if they wish, delete either my previous post on this thread, this post, or both.

-Gordy

Faith, Brice & our good friend Gordy,

Sometimes life takes us on a path that we choose to not be on. Nobody knows why bad things happen. There's definitely a lot of tragedy in the world and I wish I (or somebody) could explain it and make sense of all this. But this is LIFE. As the first line in the book the Road Less Traveled said, "Life is hard". I know it’s challenging to not know what the future holds but sometimes faith is all we have to hold on to. Please know that I'm praying really hard for all of you to pull through these challenging times and be healed. Also know that we are here for you and holding you close to our hearts. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Faith,

Welcome to the forum. You’re going through some rough times so just know that we are here for you. The member here are great including the sensitive ones. Please know that everyone here really does mean well even if it doesn’t come across that way at times. My advice to you is to deal with one thing at a time.

I have some questions for you. What was your husband’s last psa? How old is your husband? Did you send the pathology slides for a second opinion (if not, I would suggest that you do that)? Do you have a top doctors handling you’re husband’s case?

Best of luck to you and keep us posted.

A.

Dear Faith and Brice

It seems you guys have been through a lot in a very short time and have a lot more ahead of you.  I am glad you are strong in your faith.  Like a lot of people have said on this forum, sorry you have to be here,but glad you came our way.  There are a lot of good caring, loving people here.  We are here to support each other.  On my first day in the Hospital after surgery, my night nurse told me of a 17 year old young man who had cancer who just had major abdominal surgery who was on the other end of my ward.  She told me things were not good for him and the sad thing was he had no one with him, not even any family.  After the nurse left my room I told my wife I was going to check on this young man.  So she got me up and we walked to his room.  The door was closed and I did not go in because I was afraid to disturb him.  For the rest of my days in the hospital I checked on him to see if his door was open so I could visit with him.  His door was always closed and I didn't get to talk with him, but I did pray for him and prayed for his recovery and peace for him. I do the same thing for you and Brice and hope you can find the strength to deal with the things you are going to face.  Please keep in touch with us and let us know how things are going.

Praying and hoping the best for you guys.

Mika-mvesr

Faith-

Just hold on.  Through these last weeks dealing with my father's prostate cancer, at times all I could do was pass it over to God.  Emotionally it's been so much to carry. I hope you can do them same.  It's also amazing how God places people in your life in the most remarkable ways.  For example, after coming out of church today, I had a breakdown for the first time since my parents have been here (Wed, Aug 29th).  I have been the "strong" one over these last few days while my dad has been going through pre-op appointments and then surgery and as of yesterday he was discharged.  Long story short, my husband and I walked out of church and I was in tears and ran into someone I knew, and wasn't excited to see ANYBODY.  I felt rude walking by and he was concerned, so briefly told him I was fine and that my dad had just underwent surgery for prostate cancer and I'm a little emotional.  His father also started treatment in Oregon on Friday for Prostate Cancer.  I had to smile, knowing God works in mysterious ways and places people in our lives when we need them most.  Don't be afraid to lean on people.  This site has been incredible for me and the benefits have helped make my fathers experience so much smoother!!  Best wishes and God Bless!

A Doting Daughter

Dear Doting Daughter,

Your story was the first one I read and saw the responses you had gotten and felt this is where I needed to be, although my first reply was shocking, I realize that people react in different ways and God obviously has a plan for me here.  I am praying for your daddy and know  exactly what you mean about being the 'strong' one and I suppose we all have to give in to it at some point.  I too broke down at church this morning on the way out in talking with a friend whose husband is in treatment for recurring lymphoma at MD Anderson and we just hugged and cried together.  I shared with her about this website and encouraged her to join as I am overwhelmed by all of the responses of love and support here and feel that with everyone here, we will never have to feel alone in our search for healing or if that is not to be, then, support as we travel that road.

My prayers to you, your little one and family.

God Bless,

Faith & Brice

Faith & Brice,

You have found friends here.  Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts, and emotions.
Feel free to post your prayers and prayer requests, too.
In the Hebrew and New Testament scriptures, God says 27 times "I will be your God and you will be My people."  In the stories in these writings, I have found God repeats things when they are important - and when people forget.  God must repeat this relationship so many times as all too often we forget as we face the demands of work, relationships, money crunches, and (Yes Gordy, inexplicable and - to our presumptive minds - cruel) suffering.

"Faith" is believing in something you can't see - or often - even imagine.
Still, it is the crucial element of Hope.
When you become overwhelmed by your situation and only find despair,
  - your friends here will hope for the unimaginable for both you and Brice
  - as we do for each other.

Sincerely,

C^Cedar
ICTHUS!
P.S.  If I were writing this post to Gordy, I would tell a story about about a supercomputer in the impossibly distant future calling on the phone and answering any and all questions.  (cf., future past perfect subjunctive three)  Fish

Dear Vickie, I agree with you and with that in mind, I too, have Brice in my thoughts and hope that science advances rapidly and that this site is no longer needed. 

Gordy, I expect that you are not fond of me, but I want you to know that I agree with almost all of what you say.  I just think that you were unkind to Faith.  This is easy for me since it is likely that I will die of something other than prostate cancer.  I'll let you know for sure when I die of another cause. 

I offer my emotional best to Faith and Brice and my rational best to Gordy.

Regards,

Bill

PS.  This place needs to welcome those who think other than the local norm.

Hi Faith and Brice,
I know this is a difficult time and can offer my prayers and concern. This site has always been a wonderful resource for information, but, also support. Some of my friends here are certainly going through difficult times as well and dealing with it in different ways. This hasn't stopped me from believing in my personal convictions nor have I allowed others to take away from me my dignified approach to try for Full remission. With that said, you are a welcome couple here and I guess I need to ask my friends here to respect others and their beliefs?  These people will show a very huge welcome wagon and an outpouring of support. We really are not here for self serving reasons but some of us are indeed resentful of this disease and the effects it has on us. Myself included. Brice has factors that truly complicate his hope for recovery, but never give up. Perhaps it's Brice's return to remission that will instill faith in others. I would suggest to simply stay the course of giving Brice as much support as you can. Continue to research this disease and it will give you better control over your emotions. Any time you think of something to ask your doctor write it down. And you don't need to wait for the next appointment, call and ask if you need peace of mind. One question I would have is "Are these cancers related?". That may be important when selecting the treatment options. HT will keep the PCa at bay while you get other treatments. At least for the short term. With our good intentions here you can come anytime and ask us about the PCa. And definately keep the faith. If you can send a prayer for Mia and for Gordy. Perhaps it's her and/or his recovery that will bring salvation to the masses. It would certainly make me feel better.  Until then, You certainly have our prayers.

Tony