Husband's cancer is aggressive and needs quick treatment

I am sitting here shaking and crying and terrified because I just read an email which was a reply to the online urology consult I requested on behalf of my husband. The urology consult states that his biopsy reports suggest that he has aggressive cancer and that the cancer should be treated definitively and fairly quickly.

I am sick to my stomach! I'm mad at the original urologist for taking weeks to schedule the biopsy, then taking another three weeks to review the results, then another week to do the CT scans, etc., then another week to go over the results, and now the original urologist was supposed to call two days ago about scheduling robotic surgery and he told my husband that he wasn't at risk if he waited. I am so mad and then I'm mad at myself for not pushing, pushing, and pushing! I can't stand it, I want it all taken out now!

My husband is handling all this much better than I am. His attitude is if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And I'm sitting here sobbing and bawling my eyes out! I don't know what I would do if I lost him.

Maria Teresa

PS - I wanted to tell you folks that the other day, a dermatologist office refused to give me a copy of my biopsy report. I'm debating whether or not to file a HIPAA violation.

Maria Teresa -

I have aggressive, metastasized prostate cancer and have been going thru this for 2 1/2 years, so I know a little bit about it. I absolutely disagree with your husband's attitude, but, on the other hand, making yourself crazy over this won't help anything. You have to keep your wits about you to be able to help your husband. Berating yourself for what you did or didn't do in the past won't help anything.

A few weeks is not going to make a difference. But, as you've learned, you have to take control of the situation - nobody cares as much about your husband's condition as you (and as he should).

Your argument at the dermatologist's office was was the right thing to do. If you do want to pursue it, contact your state medical board.

Calm down, think rationally and take control of the situation. The situation is not as dire as you think.

-Gordy

Mariateresa sweetheart, I totally know what you're going through. Take a deep breath (or as many as you need) and please try to calm yourself down. I understand, the unknown is very challenging. I know the feeling of just wanting to get "it" out of his body. You'll call the doctor's office tomorrow and schedule the appointment. Staying calm will help you stay focused and be proactive and that's were you need to be right now. I know how hard this is but you will get through this.

Big hugs to you.

A.

Hi Mariateresa

Take a deep breath and try to calm down. Keep in mind yesterday is gone and all we have is tommorro, what ever you didn't grt to yesterday or today cannot be helped but focus on what you will do tommorro. I am glad you have joined this group of amazing people who are willing to help in any way possible. As you can see by my signature line I too have an aggressive PC but I am almost 5 months post op and have a PSA of 0.03. The Doc says it can stay that way for many years or it could change anytime. I choose to live life to the fullest and enjoy my time what ever is left. Try not to beat up on yourself for things that are not under your control.

God Bless you and your hubby, you are in our thoughts and prayers

Rick

Maria Teresa, my wife and I wish you all the very best, we have been on your journey, and now out from surgery 25 days, try and be positive, it is not easy, but insist that the doctors do what YOU want, keep pushing, the day I was diagnosed, my Urologist said that I could take a couple of weeks to make my mind up, but I said I wanted the thing out asap, and asked him to schedule the op next week if possible, it was done 13 days later.

Have faith, be strong.

Regards Mal.

MariaTeresa,

Calm down, I promise you it will be all right. First, do Not let you husband have surgery.  Second, get a book called "You can beat Prostate Cancer", by Robert Marckini.  You can find it on line at protonbob.com. Third, Call Loma Linda University Medical Center at 1-800-protons and ask for their information about prostate cancer treatment.  Loma Linda Medical is a major teaching hospital in southern California that has been treating prostate cancer since 1992 with proton beam radiation.  Their over all cure rate is slightly better than surgery, but their incidents of side effects is much better.  Trust me, urologest either do not know about proton beam, or they are just trying to line their own pockets.  By the way there are now five proton treatment centers in the US, with more on the way.

I had a 4+4=8 gleason, 6.81 PSA. four out of the 12 cores from my biopsy were positive for cancer, The tumor involves 92 and 86 percent. And there was perineural invasion.  I am now in my third week of radiation at Loma Linda and it is already been a positive life changing experence. The treatment is painless and bloodless.  The long term documented cure rate beats surgery, the incidents of incontinence and impotence is in the single digits.  Why would anybody ever have surgery for prostate cancer? 

THE JUDGE

  

I feel the same as you. I'm 44 my husband is 55. My husband had to rescheldule his appointment and they couldn't fit him in for 2 months. We thought if it was important and he had cancer they would have made room for him earlier. When we did get in 2 months later the doc walks in the room asks how we are, I said you tell me, his reply was I haven't looked at your results yet let me see ..oh you have cancer take this book home read it and come back in 2 weeks. How cold!! I just wanted it out! My husbands attitude was and is what will be will be. We decided on the seeds and are waiting on the out come. My thoughts are with you.

Maria Teresa

Tony is offering sound advice. The ten year study that I read also says that Proton theropy is not effective with an aggressive Gleason score.

Three different oncology physicians also told me that seeds alone are not effective with a Gleason score of 4+4.

Walt

Hi Maria:  my husband was diagnosed last may 06 with advanced metastisized pc and yes it extremely maddening when doctors take what seems forever to schedule tests, get results and especially how they deliver the news. than there is also the difference of opinion between the specialists leaving people wondering (are these guys on the same page). while our family doctor took forever to schedule the tests that should have been done months before diagnosis, especially when we went in fighting for mri and ct scans due to lengthy pain, once results came in our trips to specialists and treatments were quick, and we live in northern ontario, canada.  you will probably get different treatment suggestions from different doctors. do your research and go in with as much knowledge on this pc and the stage your husband has. i have found that when i have info in my hand and ask numerous questions about different treatment and the next step if and when the one my husband is on doesn't work, some doctors actually listen. when the doctor told my husband how much time he had left i finally told him that this was not acceptable and he was to do something else to help him. it's amazing that sometimes when you challenge them and don't just take their word for everything, they listen. we no longer ask that question since we both now know and believe that everybody is different.  like you, looking back i wish i had pushed harder with my family doctor when he said it was just arthritis. i had way too much faith in him. except for occaisionaly getting depressed, my husband with a lot of no nonsense positive talking from myself and family (when i feel myself faltering i go to my daughters, son or sister to let go) is trying to believe that he will beat this. it's hard for them when and if they are in pain.  you have a right to get mad at doctors who treat us as if we are just another patient to them. at times your anger will help you get through this. you will cry and feel fearful of losing your husband, i still go through these emotions. that's okay, it will help you keep fighting for him. he needs to stop taking an (if it's meant to be attitude). he has to get mad at the cancer and fight it. my husband went through a period of what seemed like a few months of depression and no matter how many times he said he was not giving up, i could see on his face that he was. i had to cry and get mad at him, for how dare he give up and leave me behind without him. for me this helped get him back to fighting this disease. only you know your partner and what you can do to change his outlook. there are so many people on this site that will help you. i like you do not want to lose my husband. he's my soulmate and without him my world would collapse. take some time to regroup your thoughts, write things down in a journal, i have 2, one for his doctors, treatments, and questions, etc.. and the other for his personal progress. i do believe that change of diet, faith, outlook, and as much as possible less stress all has a strong impact on beating this thing. it is a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs, but when you hit the downs go to this site and reach out for us, we will be here for you. hang in there and know that you are in our prayers and thoughts. lifeline