Surgery < 72hrs away

This post can be classified as my "venting".   I prefer that description rather than my "whining & whimpering" which is probably closer to the truth.

To the outside world (other than my wife) I'm facing this surgery with my customary confidence, self assured nature.  Inside I'm screaming I can't believe this is actually going to happen.  Less than 72 hours from now I'm going to submit myself to 3-4 hour surgical procedure & wakeup (hopefully) with tubes & whatnot sticking out of me.

Currently prostate cancer is the nebulous entity that I've been told that I have.  It causes me no pain or problems.  Intellectually I know I have it, the consequences of not dealing with it, etc.  The idea of not dealing with it & postponing surgery is a tantalizing, albeit evil idea that periodically torments me.

I am indeed going to do this because it is the most prudent choice for me.  However, I was wondering if anyone else experiences these misgivings at the eleventh hour or am I going insane?

RTR:

Your thoughts are common....we all have them.  However, for those of us who have been down the road, the time comes and goes in a hurry.  Before you know it, you'll be back doing the same things you were doing before surgery. 

I'm guessing you're a Bama native.  So am I.  We're strong-willed folk....smart, too.  You'll be fine.  Keep up the confidence, both inside and out.  I bet your next PSA will be < 0.1, which is why you chose this path.

SJC

Post Edited (SJC) : 11/25/2007 6:28:38 PM (GMT-7)

Hey ~ RTR..   Time to take a nice deep breath … and another !   Continue moving forward with your decision.   It is a path that many have faced and the walk with friends will certainly make it easier.   Thank you for continuing to reach out to all of us.   It’s important to do so…   Your stepping-stones along your path which makes up "Your Journey" are lined with forum friends to help you along the way.     It is so important for you and for all of us… that you continue reaching out!   No matter what!   Vent, whine, whimper….   Fear of the unknown is very powerful.   But ~ Knowledge is Power and Power takes away the fear!!!  You have a solid foundation with your research to cross to the next stepping-stone in less than 72 hours.   Continue to lean on all of us!  Feel our strength!! http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb179/mamabluebird1955/Stepping-StonestoHealingWell.jpg   From Day 1… we knew what we wanted and never looked back with our decision!   W e continue moving forward with each PSA… and the journey is made easier with our friends beside us.   Stay Close ~ Okay…   We hope   “Our Journey” helps to guide you over at least one stepping-stone on your path.   Keeping you close… in thoughts and prayers.     “Our hands will be on your shoulders” special words borrowed from hamala   In Friendship,   ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~~ )*&^%   Group Hug %^&*( ~~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~   From the 3 of us... Lee, Buddy, & Murphy

RTR, I think ALL of us know how you feel, the waiting almost drove me crazy, acting like I was not concerned, and inside full of doubt. From my experience, it was not anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I found that I could accept it better thinking that the operation would be my turn to fight the cancer, hopefully to beat it in one operation, but at least to know where I stood and what needed to be done. You have many friends here to help you, and they offer excellent advice. Take your time in recovering, and keep friends and family close.

Beachbum

RTR,

As you'll see, my profile is almost identical to yours. I'm struck by how you use almost the same exact words that I did to express the doubt and apprehension I felt before the surgery. I said to my oncologist, I am strong and perfectly healthy, and I'm about to deliberately do this thing to myself that will make my body disfunctional. I seriously considered letting the cancer take its course in order to have a few more years of normalcy. In exchange for a possibly shortened lifespan, true. But who could tell how much shorter? Maybe it would be worth the risk.

One of the things that convinced me: I was reminded that if the tumor were left untreated, it would eventually threaten my normal sexual and urinary function even more than the surgery, in addition to the vague and remote risk of a shortened lifespan. Also, this cancer, when it spreads, can lead to bladder and rectal cancers. Even if one places quality of life above quantity, that reality lends a whole new urgency to doing everything possible to get the cancer out now.

My reality at two months post-op: Still incontinent with no way to know for sure if it is permanent or not. To be honest, I do sometimes doubt if I've done the right thing. But the encouragement received here has helped a lot with that. Especially hearing from those who were still incontinent at my stage but are dry now. Hopefully some of them will chime in here.

Also, remember that your tumor stage and Gleason score prior to surgery are an educated best guess, based on the biopsy. But my pathology report revealed that my tumor stage was T3, not T2a, as we had thought. The tumor had begun to establish itself outside the capsule. So, while I sometimes wish I had not rushed into this, thinking of the pathology report makes me feel glad I didn't put it off another minute. I've discovered it's somehow possible to feel both things at the same time, like trains running on parallel tracks but in opposite directions.

From my experience, the one thing you must have above all is someone you can express your doubts and fears to. Even if that's just the rest of us here on this forum. Like you, I felt unable to share the dark thoughts with family, as they are already scared and stressed. Being able to vent here has been a lifeline for me.

Good luck to you, RTR. Keep us posted and let us know anything that's on your mind.

loup

Thanks for all the kind & most importantly positive thoughts.  Hearing from folks that have actually walked the walk is invaluable.  I'll write again post surgery as soon as I'm able.

RTR