Question about a friend

I have a friend who had Robotic surgery in April 2008. He doesn't seem to know much about his staging, all he could tell me is that his prostate was 8 times its normal size. His first PSA result was 57 and his secon one was 29. Doctors can't seem to know where the cancer is. He is just now going to an oncologist and will be getting a bunch if scans and other tests. He said that he feels good and has no pain anywhere in his body. Have you heard of a similar case?

Hello Ed, nice to see you here, but in your story about your friend, there is definitely some important missing information, as Tony mentioned above. Kind of hard to ascertain what is going on with your friend at this point. Perhaps you could clarify some more info on him, and we can put our heads here to help and to support both you and him.

David in SC

Ed,
I noticed you saiid your friend's prostate was 8 times normal. Wow. I thought mine was large (140 mls). Assuming 20 mls size as normal I guess that would mean 160 for your friend. And it is interesting that the surgeon was able to use robotic surgery to get it out. In my case my surgeon opted for open surgery due to the large size (and to try to get it out thru such small lapro incisions would be a chore or impossible), Maybe they used a larger (open style) incision to get it out -- or something. My doc said that the large prostate size does make it 'challenging' to operate on, but had no qualms about it and had done one similar ones to mine with good results. (And mine had good results too I think).

jim

(Hey James C -- yeah the 140 mil was a sonogram estimate (from Biopsy) and of course the 110 gm weight is the final post surgerical weight -- i suppose the 110 is more accurate (as gms or mls since i would imagine the prostate to be ab out the same density as water?)

Yes, makes me wonder if it were a robotic procedure that had to be aborted for an open, there are still parts to this story that are either missing or just don't make sense. I hope we can see the whole picture at some point.

By the way, I forgot to mention that his surgeon was none other that Dr. Fagin who did my Da Vinci surgery. I'm actually surprised that he did that knowing the size of the prostate.

P.S> Does you friend realize that with such a casual attitude in that situation, he may be risking going over the line for treatments, and may reduce his long term chance for survival? Do you think he may be in a bit of denial? You really have me concerned about him.

I agree about my friends attitude. For a while after the surgery he was very depressed and started taking anti depressant medication. Now that he is feeling better physically (no pain no incontinence) he is ignoring the big picture. He is going to an oncologist and I'm hoping that he will get some good advice and treatment.

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

One thing your friend very likely realizes at some level is that this is Cancer with a capitol "C". If he wants to bury his head in the sand and not understand or not want to be part of the decision making process that may well affect the outcome of his life, that's his call to make.

I personally can't believe a specialist who used the Da Vinci approach doesn't know what the cancer status is or not know what is going on. That specialis more likely than not has at least has a well educated guess based on the scientific data already collected about your friend's status.

Sounds like your friend may just be simply overwhelmed by the current state of affairs and just can't "deal" right now. Until or if he is ready to rejoin the fight, and make no mistake it is a fight, there's not a lot you or anyone else can do to get your friend linked in to a reality most would think he needs to face. The best thing you can do is be his friend and listen to him when he wants to talk. You can't force him to want to tune in and deal with what is happening. Depression, Denial and Fear can be very very powerful.

As for the posted responses you see here, please realize these are individual "takes" based on an individual person's experience, thoughts , opinons, biases, hopes and fears. While some of the posts are highly technical, do realize no one is professing to be an expert in the field. No one can predict the future when you get right down to it. Choosing to be almost as well versed as the experts are as you may see reflected in some of the postings is a personal choice but not one suited to everyone and is not required as a participant in this Forum.

Don't feel compelled to share the Path findings either. Its not a critical component for this forum. Its natural to want to compare one's exact situation with someone else's but its not a requirement in order to join in. I would caution you as well Not to release your friend's personal medical history specific to this disease without his express consent. Instead, show him this forum and let him see some of the questions people with the disease are asking. At least he could hopefully realize he isn't alone in this and that there are other folks out there with a history perhaps similar to his who wouldn't mind sharing their personal experiences or responding with their thoughts and opinions.

Prostate cancer can be beaten or at least beaten back to the point where a person can enjoy and appreciate life . Your friend won't die tomorrow or next month but if he can't or won't act or chooses not to be a a fighter, there's not a lot you or anyone else can do to force him to act. Only way that can happen if he's declared mentally incompetent and to have someone else step in and make the tough medical decisions for him.

If your friend is open to a support group or counseling that might help him as well, esp to help him realize he isn't alone in his disease. The Internet can be a great tool in that regard as it is anonymous and doesn't require face-to-face contact. Its also a double edge sword at times with info overload.

If your friend is agreeable to having you speak to his specialist about what is happening, that might help as well as he might do better right now if you could be an info filter for him if he chooses to let you help in that way. That would require his written consent provided to his specialist.

Is this more of what you were seeking when you asked how to best help your friend?
Here's my two cents to your question.....