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Posted 6/6/2009 9:40 PM (GMT 0)

Hello all - you have already been a fabulous source of information and support as we start this journey. 

Have some questions that may seem minor but I need help as my hubby is very private and unlikely to ask for what he needs...he is heading for surgery in about 6 weeks.  What shorts/pants most comfortable post surgery?  Any special pre-op prep other than kegels and regular exercise?  Anyone get help for anxiety.  He has never had surgery, never been in hospital for anything (lucky man I know!) and all of this is overwhelming him....and I want to alleviate as much of his angst as I can....

Siewife

husband

PSA 4.3 (up by 2 over past 2 years)

biopsy 5/20 2/14 pos 3+3=6

consultation 6/4, now 3+4=7

open surgery scheduled

Posted 6/6/2009 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Siewife,

Welcome to healing well. My husband is also a very private man and I have obtained heaps of assistance here on his behalf, so I am sure you will too.

I have just scanned the resources threads at the top of the forum and there are some posts under member's journeys which you might want to scan through. There are some on surgery preparation and post op issues but not all together from what I can see, so I can't really refer you to a specific link but you might want to get a summary together from having a read in the resources posts when you have time.

I brought a few pairs of one size bigger undies than my husband usually takes, and this was helpful for afterwards so pants not tight. We also brought extra sized loose tracksuits pants for the first few weeks, as my husband chose a legbag for the few days the catheter was in and this allowed him to exercise with the catheter in, but keeping it discrete. I had previously stocked up on a selection of pads (ladies and mens for continence) which we did not even need in the end (luckily) but did this myself as hubby did not want to face that one (ie. buying pads just incase) nevertheless it was a necessity to have these at hand. We borrowed a reclining chair (with footrest), which was helpful for the first 2 weeks post op, as did not place pressure on suture line, and we stocked up on DVDs as some others had suggested, as lots of rest is required for healing, but this needs to be balanced with regular walking and gentle activity each day after surgery too. I took some time off work after surgery, simply for the purpose of keeping my husband from over-doing it (he is an active man) but not all wives can do this, so we were lucky we could organise it this way and work together, since I was (like you) probably his only real support. We never sought professional help with the anxiety, but found that open communication helped us - however I often had to initiate it, as well as allowing plenty of time for him to adjust in his own space and time etc. I hope this helps somewhat. I am sure others will chip in soon. Good luck with your pre-surgery preparation and take care. It sounds like your husband is a healthy man and this is a fantastic start to his preparing for surgery.

Bye for now, and kind regards, Lana
Posted 6/6/2009 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to HW! Sorry you have to be here, but you have come to the right spot for patient to patient education and support! My father had never had surgery or been in the hospital either prior to his RP and had a lot of anxiety. His Dr prescribed an anti anxiety medication, but he didn't end up taking it. However, I am sure your husband's dr. has a lot of anxious patients and is probably pretty use to this request.
In regards to pants, we picked my father up a couple of loose fitting pj pants and work out pants. They were comfortable to be in and covered his cath and bag well enough for him to walk and have visitors. A couple of other things that were helpful include:

prune juice/milk of magnesium
pads to put under him at night..just in case the cath leaks a little
..it has been awhile so I am forgetting a few things, but I am sure other members will chime in soon!

Again, Welcome and keep us posted!!!
Posted 6/6/2009 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Siewife and hubby,

It is good that you have found this site before surgery.  My wife found it for me a week or so after my surgery.  (Thanks B).

As for comfort after surgery, I started out with fairly loose fitting boxer briefs and sweat pants to travel home.   The first few days I didn't move around very much and having a catheter to deal with made it difficult to be comfortable at all.  For a few days at night I couldn't stand to have anything touch my skin.  I slept naked with two pillows under my knees and two pillows stacked up to my right side.  This kept the blankets in a tent-like condition off of my abdomen.  Once he starts moving around more, Hubby should consider underwear that is more restrictive but also supportive, like Jockey string bikini. 

If he enjoys massage, have him go now.  Get a good tension release.  I was able to get a neck and shoulder massage the week after surgery but not the real deal.  I am going back soon for the full hour.  (Thanks B).

Best wishes for a successful surgery and recovery.

DS

Posted 6/6/2009 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
We're all different when it come to surgery. I found it possible to walk comfortably with the catheter in place, so a pair of baggy trousers allowed me to go out without attracting unwanted attention! Because the bag can be bulky when near full, you need plenty of width at the lower leg, if that is where he carries it. To empty the bag he can then just lift the trouser leg.

The other thing you will need is a small supply of incontinence pads and diapers, for when the catheter is removed. I suggest a small supply, because you won't know ahead of time exactly what hubby will need, if anything.

As for sleeping arrangements, I slept in my usual bed with my wife, without disturbing her. No need to get up in the middle of the night! With the night bag properly arranged, I found it possible to roll over carefully -- but even without the catheter it would have been carefully! As I remember it, rolling over was uncomfortable.
Posted 6/6/2009 11:30 PM (GMT 0)

Greetings, Siewife.  I'm another one of those guys who had never had surgery, never been put to sleep, no broken bones and never a stitch.  I was very calm from biopsy to diagnosis and then surgery which I attribute to my deep, abiding faith. 

It is important that all the prep is done well.  My surgery was Monday morning and started taking pills on Saturday. I bought some pajamas to take to the hospital with a nice matching robe.  I've never worn the pj's and wore the robe a couple of times walking the halls after surgery.  I did have a track type suit that I wore to and from the hospital (it was Feb so a little chilly). I tended to wear shorts and golf shirts around the house after surgery.  I only wore the leg bag for the catheter one time.   I didn't particularly like the leg back so just wore the big bag.  Even when I went out to walk I just put my overcoat on and hung the bag on an inside pocket. When I had visitors at home the bag was laying by my chair out of the way but they could see the tube coming out the bottom of my shorts - it was not an issue for anyone who cares about me.  They knew I had a catheter and all they could see was about a foot of tube.  We did buy a recliner right before surgery.  We now have 2 recliners - kind of like them! 

My wife bought a package of adult diapers and a package of pads.  Still have all of them except for one pad.  We were fortunate.  I didn't really do kegels but my doc told me for the month prior to surgery that whevever I urinated to stop my stream 4 or 5 times each time I went.  That is the muscle that controls continence.  It worked very well for me.  After I got my catheter out and was fairly continent I did the same thing for a few days and since then it just seems to work fine.  One other note about the catheter, make sure you keep it lubed where it enters the body.  Lubed and cleaned several times a day. 

I started taking a stool softener a few days prior to surgery and took one for probably a month after surgery.  Just want to be able to go without a strain.  It worked well for me. 

I did not sleep well with the catheter in.  I was up and down at night and usually ended up on the couch.  Let him do what is comfortable to him.  I was a new man when I got rid of the catheter.  I know it was good for me and was necessary, but boy was I glad to get rid of it.

Probably most importantly - my wife has been key in my recovery.  She has been very supportive at every step of the way.  We only thought we had a good marriage before - know we know how great we have it with each other.  She is teriffic.

Please keep us posted.  Let us know any way we can help along the way.  David

Posted 6/7/2009 12:48 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Siewife,

You've gotten some really good advice here already...a great site. What worked for me right after surgery was having a pair of PJ bottoms with string waist ties. Since my bottoms had waist elastics too, I cut up through the waist elastic and used only the ties. This allowed easy up and down for having a BM and cleaning of the catheter at the penis. Like some men, I pretty much stayed with the big bag the whole time. I used an old housecoat waist strap and big safety pin hung around my neck to hold the bag while I was mobile in the house (it kept the bag low enough to ensure proper drainage). I even rented a raised seat with handles for the toilet but never ended up needing it. Be careful around the house with anything that can snag the catheter, hose or bag.

A really important thing for me was the stool softeners and a fiber supplement to keep the bowel movements soft. Lots of fruit helped me too. The most discomfort I had after surgery was not from the incision or internal pain, it was gas and bloating discomfort when the bowels start working again (the anesthetics and pain meds can cause bad constipation)...I did not want to have too much strain having a BM.

I got a bed pillow with armrests that helped keep my head elevated a bit and keep me in one position and had no real problems sleeping. Before surgery, my wife and I put a plastic sheet under a sheet of foam on top of the mattress to catch any leaks. We tried just a plastic sheet under the bedsheet first, but that caused some discomfort due to sweating.

As mentioned already, everyone is a bit different after surgery and we had to improvise to find something that suited our situation.

Before my catheter came out, my wife went and bought diapers, bigs pads, little pads as we didn't know what to expect. It ended up that I was really lucky and didn't need much of anything. I use light-days feminine pads when I wear light colored pants...don't need them now, more insecurity than anything else.

My anxiety pre-surgery was through the roof. I was just plain scared and a (quiet) basket case. I didn't get a prescription for anything and maybe should have. If it helps in getting some good ZZZ's before surgery then ask your doc.

Hope this helps.

Mike   

Posted 6/7/2009 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

I was also very healthy prior to the open surgery but had a by-pass 3 years before so I knew what to expect. All the pain meds will make him constipated so a stool softner is essential. I also ate alot of fiber foods.

Rather than try to sleep in the same bed with the big bag and catheter, I slept in the guest room for two weeks. That way I didn't have to worry about leaks and getting tangled up with the tube.

Once the catheter is removed, I found that walking alot while doing kegels made me dry within two weeks of the catheter removal. I also totally cut out coffee, soft drinks, beer, etc until I was dry. Anything that used to send me to the bathroom was "out" until I didn't need pads. I'm back to 4 cups of coffee, a couple beers and lots of water daily now, with no leaks.

Good luck

Posted 6/7/2009 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
hello siewife, most people are different .i actually stayed in a hotel the entire week of the cath being in place,IT WAS NO BIG DEAL, i wore baggy sweat shorts around the hotel , (even outside) i have a very carefree attitude toward what other people think,during getting out ,times i wore baggy sweatpants .....worked great, the third day out of surgery we went to hollywood waxmuseum ,cath still in tow ,again it was no huge deal,at night i hung the big bag on the side of the trash can by the bed so it wouldnt fall over,and slept with apillow between my legs , my biggest problem was the gas pain from pumping up my abdomen from surgery moved into my shoulders producing an incredible amount of pain, but i got through it ,,,walking helped, keep in mind your hubby is going for the open , which is more invasive his get around time might not be so soon ,,,never the less keep him moving 6 hrs a day if you can  or until hes worn out from walking,,just so you know the most important 2 things ,,,,1. hubbys gonna do just fine do worry your self excessivly,,,2. these people on this forum myself included will be here for you when hubby gets out and long after that, i was asking questions, 1 day out of surgery on my laptop in the hotel , guess what? they would reply within an hour usually , i was never alone  and you wont be either  cuz were not gonna let you ,,, good luck sister, your a very important part of this with your husband  just as my wife was ,so please stay involved  and good luck ...dont forget #1  tongue
Posted 6/7/2009 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Re; stool softener.
REALLY REALLY GOOD ADVISE ABOVE by the others above!
I took pain pills after surgery which worked well on the post surgery pain/anxiety BUT I was not advised and didn't know that pain meds can cause constipation! (Yeah - I also didn't read the med instruction sheet!) What a horrible painful experience with constipation. Best wishes, Al P.S. When things broke loose the plumbing/septic system clogged - had the septic man and the plumber out and found out that the pipe to the septic system had broke in half - no I didn't do it - it just was broken already. smhair
Posted 6/7/2009 6:30 PM (GMT 0)

Siewife,

Here is what I did and preparations for surgery.

  • Getting the body in the best shape possible prior to surgery helps tremedously with the recovery.  I walked about 5 miles a day.  Half in the morning and half in the evening.  I did this for three months.
  • Along with the exercise was the mental preparation.  I am an engineer by discipline so understanding the surgery helped me with the anxiety.  Knowing what to expect helps to settle the nerves.  I was still very anxiuous the morning of the surgery but my blood pressure was normal so it did not effect it. 
  • I too had never had surgery.  This forum helped tremendously to address the fear of surgery.  Ask those questions between now and surgery that he wants to know or just has an interest.
  • I bought a couple of pair of nylon mesh basketball type of pants.  I wore these home and around the house of a couple of days.  The leg bag for the catheter attaches to the calf area of the leg and is hidden from view by the pants leg.  After a couple of days I began wearing regular knit type pants and going out to eat and attending church.  That may not be what your husband can do as recovery, based upon experiences noted here on HWC, vary among men.  My recovery from the surgery was fairly fast. 
  • The issue I dealt with the most with the catheter was the soreness at the tip of my penis from the pulling of the catheter.  Wearing my normal brief underwear actually helped this problem as it kept the catheter pinned between the elastic and my skin. 
  • Understanding what to expect once th catheter is removed is also important.  I knew in most cases there was leakage for a time after the catheter is removed.  Especially in the first few weeks.  Knowing this kept me from getting depressed when it happened to me.  Three months after removal I was dry.
  • The there is the ED.  No way of keeping from being depressed about this unless it does not happen.  Penile rehab is important.  In the two and a half years I have monitored this forum along with another one it has been shocking to me the lack of medical standardization in treatment of post PCa ED.  Some doctors almost totally ignore it and just let patients assume they have to live with the ED.  Others are very proactive from the start.  Some believe in intervention others say you just have to wait two, three, four years.  It is important to pin your doctor down on penile rehab before the surgery.  Understand what others have done in this area.  The treatments are varied. 

Hope this helps.  Good luck.

Tamu

Posted 6/8/2009 9:59 AM (GMT 0)
Another issue relevant to open surgery. My husband was told pre-op that he would receive a shave the night before, so he asked if he could do it himself at home and have it checked in hospital. The doctor explained where he would need area shaved (abdo and down one leg to mid thigh) for the bag attachment I think. He did this the night before, and it all worked well - he needed no touch ups, and it gave him some control of the situation. Others of course, don't care about this aspect or don't need it etc. However with open surgery planned it is information that may be helpful to find out beforehand if it appiles to your husband and his preparation. Good luck with it all Siewife.
Posted 6/10/2009 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
To creed_three and all,

The idea to preshave is more than "another small thing".  It would be good for the Lap procedure, too.  I had forgotten about that part of my morning prep.  I don't think anyone else could have made it more uncomfortable or irritating.  I've seen sheep clipped better than I was.

DS

Posted 6/10/2009 2:05 AM (GMT 0)
Siewife,

All men are different, and I'm sure you know your husband. For me, after losing something I had grown quite attached to, facing incontinence, and ED, I was feeling pretty out of control, and many men are control freaks of some sort.

I didn't want my wife fussing over me. It made me feel even more helpless and out of control. I wanted to go shopping for my pads, decide what I wanted to wear, and doing what I felt like, sort of like a survivor guy.

All of the previous posts have given excellent advice on every front , even up to shaving his privates. If my wife had walked in with a razor and told me someone on-line said it was a good thing, I probably would have said something I would have been sorry for later.

Just a private, control freaks viewpoint. Good luck on the surgery, and I am sure all will go well, with you helping your husband. Of all the things my wife did, and does for me, it was her love for me, and her concern that gets me through. Post surgery, you will have to put up with things like incontinence and ED that will test your patience. But hopefully you will find, as we did, a type of love we had forgotten about over the years with raising a family, working, etc.
Posted 6/14/2009 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
HUGE thanks to all of you for your thoughtful replies that have helped enormously! Will keep everyone posted and know that I will turn to you again for sure. Best to all!
Posted 6/15/2009 4:12 AM (GMT 0)

Being there and caring about hubby is one of the best things you can do for him.  I wasn't interested in a lot of help during my recovery but one of the nicest things that my wife did for me was to insist on cleaning my catheter bags.  Whenever I switched between the leg bag and the big bag she would diligently clean them.  She is a germ freak and was very careful to make sure that they were absolutely clean and sanitized.  She knew that I wouldn't be as careful as she was.

Again, best wishes for hubby's surgery and recovery.

DS

Posted 6/16/2009 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
Siewife,

OK, now that everyone has given you all the boring (but incredibly useful!) advice, here is MY FUN ADVICE (which I have given in the past to great acclaim, even if no one will admit it). (It is also incredibly useful of course).

This is specifically related to your request:

"Any special pre-op prep other than kegels and regular exercise? Anyone get help for anxiety. ...and I want to alleviate as much of his angst as I can".

Although you did not say how old Hub is and I do NOT infer that there might be anything wrong in the ED area yet, but with all the worry and anxiety he has running up to surgery day he could easily convince your Uro or the PA that he is having some performance issues due to worry and anxiety AND that he wishes to find out if any of the ED meds will work BEFORE surgery. You could possibly save yourself a bunch of money if for instance, Viagra just give him a big headache or Cialis gave back pain -- but Levitra is just fine. (Ask for samples of all three and enough of each so you can try em a bunch of times in the next six weeks). (Hint if Uro asks about how often there's a problem -- just say about half the time - that is the tipping point for ED meds usage).

THAT should take some of the edge of anxiety for a while and I remember (fondly and now somewhate wistfully) that is was a lot of fun to experiment with ED drugs pre-op. Nice to know they did work at one time. You might find that they only greatly extend capabilities (If yous are already fine in that department then you might just notice Hub can go for a lot longer time).

So, that's something you could work on for the next six weeks.

Be sure to report back on any good results. As far as POST op ... taking ED meds has about as much effect as eating M&Ms in the early days -- if the nerves (and arteries) have not yet regenerated enough then the meds won't have much effect. That is when the ol' PUMP comes in handy for however long it takes. (Sounds like your husband would NOT be happy about trying Trimix or other injections in the future?).

So .. go forth and .. well, go forth again!

jim
Posted 6/16/2009 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
Just remember tho, after 6 weeks of "experimentation", there will be a long dry spell before the next "experimentation ". Seems as tho there are some things we just can't store up !
Posted 6/17/2009 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
Following on from Jim's excellent suggestions, I suggest also take photographs and measurements while the equipment is still fully functional. This is helpful in answering questions like: how long was I really back then, and did I have that slight bend to the left? Both are questions I have since asked, and don't have definite answers for.

Also, if hubby plans on using a pump, get one beforehand and give that a workout too.
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