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wife needs emotionally advise about husband's pc

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Posted 11/4/2009 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
HI: I need some advise from some of you out there. My husband was diagnosed in April of 2007. He went through hormone treatment which will end in December as it has been 2.5 years and he also had radiation. Things were okay until this April when his psa went up from .07 to 3.5. He was put on casodex and in August it had decreased to 1.5. He goes back in December (to his oncologist) for another psa and check up. Up to this point he was handling things quite well, but after seeing his oncologist and him not really giving us any answers why he thought it might have rose. My husband is sure that the cancer was never under control and that now his options are up and that it is just a matter of time as we know that chemo is just something that really doesn't work. One question I have is what do we approach the oncologist with? What do we ask him? What are some of our options?

My husband is angry and upset and says things I just don't know how to react to or if I should react. I am scared like he is, but I don't know what to say to him. Does anyone out there who is going through a similar situation or just has some advise. I would appreciate anything right now as I just don't know what to do.

One thing that has to be know is we live in Saskatchewan and we have limited doctors. It's not so easy to just say we want another opinion so we need to be prepared with questions when we see our oncologist next.

Thank you so much for any replys I get. My husband does not use this forum as he stay away from the internet. For him there is just too much information and a lot of it is so conflicting. I know pc is very individual, but there has to be something we can do at this point.
Posted 11/4/2009 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi kak,
I don't think your husband should stop hormonal therapy in december. It will help during chemo.
Your husband has to know that Chemo does work. Don't look at the averages, look at the cases where it extends years for a guy. Plus, many clinical trials, such as Abiraterone require at least one round of chemo before commencing with the trial. Having been here a few years now, I have seen many guys doing well with rising PSA such as your husbands case. I would ask your oncologist about trials, and the best path for your husband. He should have at least some input to give.

Very important, he and you, need to stay positive. There is still plenty that can be done with second line hormone therapies.

Tony
Posted 11/4/2009 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Kak,

If hormone therapy doesn't take the psa to below 0.05 and hold it there for a few months, it's a sign that the PC is androgen independent and other drugs have to be administered. Ask your oncologist for his recommendations or if you are able, get a 2nd opinion from another oncologist that is more experienced in prostate cancer.
JohnT
Posted 11/4/2009 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Kat
Your husband’s case is a tough one, but don’t give up hope. As others have said, chemo can work and new drugs are becoming available.

You raise the question; “was the cancer was ever under control?” That is the unanswerable question which hangs over every one of us here and the answer is that we will never know until we die of something else. It is simply beyond the bounds of medical science to ever be certain. All of us go from PSA test to PSA test carrying that nugget of dread.

You speak of fear and anger. We have known these too, and we struggle against them. Not only do they weaken our bodies, they poison our lives. On the basis of personal experience I strongly recommend professional therapy. These feelings often stem from depression which is not a moral weakness but a chemical imbalance in the brain. If professional therapy is not accessible to you, then look for a PC group of a cancer survivors group – often run through a church or civic organization.

I know that you are in pain and so I ask you to forgive me when I speak very forthrightly. You say; “He says things I just don't know how to react to or if I should react. I am scared like he is, but I don't know what to say to him” This is a symptom far worse than the outcome of any medical test because it means that this Cancer is forcing a separation between two people who love each other. None of us know what our lives hold or for how long. All we can do is live what we have in the best possible way.
Posted 11/4/2009 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
TC-Las Vegas-'What did you mean by second line hormone therapies. My husband has been on lupron shots every 4 months and used casodex for first 6 weeks with lupron and than was put back on casodex when his psa rose.
Posted 11/4/2009 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
I guess I was a little misleading. Mostly things are good between my husband and myself . We have bad days and my posting was a result of a bad day. Actually I think my husband and I are closer for the most part just some days, well you all know of the some days.
Posted 11/4/2009 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
Second line HT consists of Ketoconazole, DES, Estrogenics, Nilandron, Abiraterone, and more. Typically when an LHRH agonist, like Lupron, begins to fail then adding the others may buy more time before Chemo. Some argue to do the chemo then the 2nd line HT drugs, but that's a discussion for your oncologist.

There is still much to hope for...

Tony

Post Edited (TC-LasVegas) : 11/4/2009 3:23:36 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/4/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
kax,

I feel for both your husband and for you. Even in a good or excellent relationship, a severe health issue like his can be hard. My wife is a nurse, and sometimes, even with her knowledge, she jsut doesn't know what to say or do to help me get through a hard day. I try to tell her, that just being here is good enough for me. I know there is not always some magic word or pill to take.

Your husbands situation is definitely serious, but as Tony as said, there is always hope, there are things and treatments and drugs coming down the pike that might be apt for your husband. I hope so, for his safe, and for your's too.

Please keep us closely posted of his situation. Perhaps some of the other dear wives here will post some words to you from a wives perspective.

Be thinking of you both

David in SC
Posted 11/4/2009 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
KAK

Thanks for sharing this difficult experience with us. Would you mind emailing me so we can discuss this further. Your husband is not at the end of the rope. There are many chapters in the book of life yet to be written. It makes perfect sense the anger he is dealing with as well as the uncertainty. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

peace and love
Dale
Posted 11/5/2009 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
Kak,
Sorry to hear about the problems you and your husband are experiencing. One I first found out I had prostate cancer I was extremly angry. I read several books and finally one night sat down with my wife and talked to her in detail what I was thinking. I know there are many books out there but one Chapter from a Book Called "Prostate Cancer for Dummies" by Dr. Paul Lange (yes another dummies book) really helped me with my thoughts. In particular page 302 and 303 helped me.
I sat down with my wife and read each of the points listed to her that I was experiencing. After that it helped her and me both. I would print here but of course with Copy right laws, etc and way to much to post! If you can find the book or some other one it might be helpful.
It talks about Anger, depresiion, Fear of abandonment, insecurity and jealousy.
Larry
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