HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Trouper? Survivor? Don't like those terms

Support Forums
>
Prostate Cancer
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 4/20/2010 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I know at work I've been called a trouper, implying that I am some sort of brave sort. Survivor also sounds like one went into battle and survived.

But, frankly, I don't care for those terms. It makes it sound like we volunteered for some dangerous assignment and acted in some sort of heroic manner.

I DID NOT CHOOSE TO GET THIS D-DISEASE!

I will probably survive it but we don't even know that. So we do NOT know if I am a cancer SURVIVOR.

I am not brave. This was and is a tough thing to have and undergo. Ok, I didn't crack up and I am getting on with my life. Did I really have a choice?  Not REALLY!

I am just a normal human being FORCED to deal with something that many of us have to deal with. That's all.

Mel

Posted 4/21/2010 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
I'd take that. I'm surviving so far. All we ever have is today.

I was called a liar. I was accused of making up the story to get free time off. Conversations with my surgeon were illegally listened in on.
Posted 4/21/2010 1:30 PM (GMT 0)
Mel,
I see two choices - I opt for number 1 - I would prefer to call myself a survivor, because I am not dead yet, and unlike other afflictions, we have no real idea if it is still out there waiting to come back. One must stay attentive 'forever', lest it come back. That is why I am starting IGRT today.

The other choice is to adopt the logic behind a phrase someone had on a t-shirt on tv the other night. "eat well, exercise, die anyway."
Posted 4/21/2010 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
Mel, perhaps those terms make other people feel more comfortabe with the "cancer" word for themselves.

All of us here are "survivors" of Cancer, as long as we are on the top side of the turf when you wake up.

Once one's cancer goes into remission, you can only hope it stays that way the rest of your natural life, and dream again about getting hit by lightning or a city bus or the proverbial heart attack. Or go out on a limb, and perhaps you still have a chance of living till you are one hundred and get shot dead by a jealous husband.

All things are possible, brother.

David in SC
Posted 4/21/2010 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
I am whatever God decides. It's all in his hands.
Posted 4/21/2010 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
Yes. Survivor is the wrong word.

I am what I am, and some of you will know that I have a very positive attitude to having PCa,
but as I seem to have been given a "life sentence" I think the word that sums up the position I'm in is:

PRISONER

Alf
Posted 4/21/2010 3:49 PM (GMT 0)

Mel,

I agree with your discomfort with the term "survivor", and am also in search of a better term for myself.

You're not going to die from PC; I'm not going to die from PC.  In fact (using National Cancer Institute statistics), only 226 out of 100,000 men above 65 will die from PC.  In the PSA-era, there are still lots of guys in this country who don't go to doctors and don't get regular PSA tests.  Many of us who bang on our computers every day might find this hard to believe, but it is true that our present healthcare system excludes sizable elements of the population.  Those who have, for one reason or the other, fallen outside of what many of us consider "normal care" are the guys that make up most (not all, but most) of the statistics of men who actually die from PC.  Many of them eventually present to doctors for the first time (often in emergency room situations, due to lack of insurance) with advanced symptoms, much like it was for essentially everyone in the pre-PSA era.

Anyhow, I'd like to continue to monitor this thread to see if anyone else comes up for a good term...something better than "survivor."

best wishes...

Posted 4/21/2010 4:13 PM (GMT 0)
hmmm...

you say tomato and I say tomahto....

how about - Prostate Cancer Challenger -

en garde !!!

hugs
BRONSON
Posted 4/21/2010 4:28 PM (GMT 0)

You guys have too much time on your hands if you're discussing this subject...wait...here I am replying so that must include me also...LOL.

Anyway, when the subject comes up I simply respond that I HAD prostate cancer but I'm fine now.  Then, if the opportunity presents itself, I proselytize about the need for regular PSA testing and am happy to discuss the disease...which many older men want to hear about because everyone knows someone who has this cancer.  So...I don't get labeled one way or another except maybe as a show off with all of the knowledge that I have gained from this forum...

Tudpock

Posted 4/22/2010 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
I call it getting on with the hand I was dealt so I'm getting on with life living it the best I know how trouper or whatever they want to call it I call it life, with the short end of the stick!!!!
DEERHUNTER
Posted 4/22/2010 2:14 AM (GMT 0)
I have tried throughout this ordeal to just be me. I didn't tell anyone but my family. I don't want any labels, partcularly ones like "poor goodlife".

I think how we face PC is important for our own well being, as well as for those around us. In much the same way I have to live all my other characteristics like being ugly, not too bright, and a terrible golfer, I have tried to categorize PC along with all those things. It is just the way it is.

How other folks characterize me can't really be helped. Now if I am always whining and complaining about my bad luck, and drips in my pants and lack of wood, I probably can give those around me more ammuntion to call me a lot of things.

So, I continue to life the Good life every day, live life to its fullest, and act as normal as I can. Yes I am a survivor, but you won't hear me saying that. I'm the guy next door or dad, or grandpa, like I was a year ago.
Posted 4/22/2010 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
Dana Jennings blogged about this last month in the NYT.

"And what are we once treatment ends? Are we survivors? I don’t feel much like a survivor in the traditional (or even reality TV) sense. I didn’t crawl from a burning building or come home whole from a tour of duty in Afghanistan.

I’m just trying to lead a positive postcancer life, grateful that my surging Stage 3 cancer has been turned aside, pleased that I can realistically think about the future. I’m trying to complete the metamorphosis from brittle husk to being just me again."


While I don't agree with everything Jennings wrote in that piece, I do empathize with his larger point.

I feel odd donning the purple shirt (different colors in different cities, I imagine) and marching in the front of the Relay for Life (the big ACS fundraiser) parade around the field. If you've never seen the shirts, they have "SURVIVOR" in huge letters across the back. I don't begrudge the other purple shirted folks their moment, but I've decided it's not for me.

It is true, as Jennings writes, that words simply fail us when it comes to cancer, and we fall back on cliches. Speaking for myself--only--I am not engaged in a battle. I'm not, and have not been host to some alien invader called cancer. It was my own prostate that betrayed me--betrayed the rest of "us" that makes up what I call "me". I can't help but feel, when I put on the purple shirt and walk around the field, to the applause and tears, that somehow I am taking credit for something I shouldn't, and elevating myself. Am I better than the non-survivors? Of course not. So I won't be doing that any more.

I'm not the only one. Beth Brophy, who had breast cancer, writing in the Washington Post, 5/30/2000, in an article titled "That's Just Me; Don't Call Me a Survivor; I'm Not Going to Let a Disease Define Who I Am" said, in part:

"The most heart-wrenching sight at the race every year is the hundreds of children and teenagers whose lives have been affected by the disease. Wearing signs pinned to the backs of their shirts or carrying placards with photos, they memorialize their lost or ailing mothers, grandmothers, aunts and sisters. If any group wants to call themselves survivors, perhaps it should be those young people."


All that said, I certainly don't mind when others use the word "survivor" to describe themselves or others; nor can I argue that what someone else experienced wasn't akin to battle. This is me speaking for me here.
Posted 4/22/2010 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Of course, I like survivor, myself! tongue

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I found a wonderful article at a cancer web site explaining, in a beautiful way, that all of us who are diagnosed with cancer and are still living are survivors. I received a lot of comfort in that.

I also found these definitions and synonyms on the web:

A definition of survivor: a person regarded as resilient or courageous enough to be able to overcome hardship, misfortune, etc.

Some synonyms: stayer, sticker, fighter, toughie

At any rate, call yourself what you wish, especially if it better helps you to enjoy the life you have.

Kind regards,

Barry
Posted 4/23/2010 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, I am confused about calling myself a survivor, I have gone through most aspects of the Pca journey and yet my PSA is still 0.6 , guess I am still here after nearly 3 years, but am reluctant to say I am a survivor until my PSA is zero.

My son in-law Roland, had testicular cancer 3 years ago, after the removal of one testicle, he is now clear of cancer, there is no sign of it now, he IS a survivor!

Me, I am just getting on with life, I am nearly 70, and think I will die with Pca, and not from it hopefully, people ask me if I am "all clear of cancer" I just say no, not yet, I have survived the operation, radiation, but who knows if I will survive Pca ?

Regards Mal.
Posted 4/23/2010 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Goodlife's commets echo my sentiments, but to each their own. Am I a survivor of a war, yes, cancer, yes. But know me by my role as a father, husband , grandfather, brother, uncle, father in-law. As for me that is the bigger picture in my life. Everyone made some very interesting points on this thread and we dont have to agree on others beliefs for them to be as right as ours.
Michael
Posted 4/23/2010 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
I don't believe that events in our life - whether it be a diagnosis of cancer or surviving an earthquake or willing the Powerball - should define who we are.

We are defined not by what happens to us but by how (and if) we turn our experiences into something positive. You guys (and us gals too) came here initially looking for advice and help. We have stayed because we realized we have something to offer others - whether it be sage advice, the benefit of our own experiences, or simply a hand extended in friendship. I'd call that making lemonade when all you have is a bunch of carpy lemons!
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply