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Wife and melt down

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Posted 6/4/2010 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi: I had a melt down last night. I hae been trying to be so strong for my husband,but last night it just seemed the walls were closing in on me and I just broke down. After I felt bad, but my husband who is the one that I should be comforting was comforting me. He has gone through ht, radiation and now he has a met on his femor. He has accepted things and feels that his time is limited. I am having trouble accepting things and can't imagine my life without him.
Things are better today, but it's always there in the back of my mind.
Oh well just wanted to get things off my chest.
Posted 6/4/2010 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
55

Welcome to HW! What you are going thru is perfectly normal given the situation that you and your husband are facing. Melt downs are to be expected and no one goes thru this is a perfect manner. Cant really count the number of times I have had to say I'm sorry or just walk away before I say something that will require an apology. Do you and your husband have a minister or counselor that you could work with for awhile? We are here to support you both, so please dont be too hard on yourself. You are only human.

Michael

Posted 6/4/2010 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
55, I must say Michael has some great words of wisdome for you. Most of us have had our moments. It is the way we make this thing called cancer real and how to deal with it. I have walked away, I have snapped, I have hugged and said Im sorry just in a bad place at this time.

Know that we are always here for you to vent. You are welcome any time to type in all caps.

Hope you know that we understand and are with you and your husband.

Cajun Jeff
Posted 6/4/2010 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
55, I am sorry to hear of the challenges you and your DH are facing. My husband had surgery slightly more than two years ago - we have blessed with good results although we did face what we thought was a recurrence last summer when John's PSA went from undetectable to 0.1 then to 0.3. In our case, his PSA went back to undetectable and has stayed there since October so we're confident that all will remain well.

With all that you have been through, it's no wonder you had a melt down - perfectly fine and in fact encouraged once in a while otherwise you might explode from the fear and anxiety. Your husband's cancer is not his alone. As his wife, and someone who obviously loves him very much, you are aching for him and for what the future will bring. We're all on limited time hence the importance of living each day as fully as possible as if it were our last.

I know it's easy for me to sit here and type this when my own dear John is doing well. But, when we were facing possible recurrence last summer, believe me when I say that I spent many moments in the bathroom with the door closed crying. John never saw those tears because I didn't want him to worry about me.
Posted 6/4/2010 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
55,
We all have our low moments where we feel like the world caving in on us. When I was diagnosed with Gleason 8 My wife and I just sat there looking at each other not wanting to be the first one to cry. I remember spending hours at night worrying about my wife and how she will handle life without me (she depends on me for all finances). Since those days, the Lord has given a chance to go on a little longer and we are moving on regardless of what the future has in store for us. Michael gave you good suggestions for you. Please feel free to vent here. We are here for you and your husband.
Posted 6/4/2010 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
55,

I know this is going to sound a little twisted, but in at least one way your husband is a very lucky man.  None of us can say with certainty how long he will live, but to be able to spend the time remaining (however long or short that may be) with a woman like you who loves him is something that many men can only dream about.

Zen9

Post Edited (Zen9) : 6/4/2010 3:37:38 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/4/2010 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
Dear 55,

I echo what others have said. It is wonderful that your husband is understanding however, and that you can support each other now. If you feel you  may need some further personal encouragement from ladies who have been in the exact same or similiar situation, the prostate forum for ladies (address posted in another thread on this board recently) is also an excellent backup which you may wish to investigate. If your husband has had HT and rad treatment and you have been so strong until now, it is no wonder you are "melting" and that you too need support. This is a great bunch of folks here with wonderful advise, so welcome, and let us know how you get on. Feel free to melt down with others here who understand. Sometimes this is what it takes to build us back up again, so try not to feel bad. It is perfectly normal and your strength to manage this and support your husband as you have been doing,  will come back. Good luck and take care. Lana

Posted 6/4/2010 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Dear 55,

I remembered your first post here, went back, had a look, and bounced it up --- now I've read this thread and see several ladies have responded.

I can certainly understand why, after all you've been through, that you had a melt down. Lord knows, I'd have melted long ago.

Please keep in touch with us.


Sheldon AKA Sleepless
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