What matters when we have PC ?

I was struck by a comment as a thread was being locked because of some spirited discussion.

"Let's get back to things that matter"

Is the only thing that matters when we are diagnosed with PC the quality of the surgeon, radiologist, oncologist, etc. ?  We talk a lot about QOL.  Is QOL good if we are continent and can get an erection?  Is that what makes QOL good.

It is my opinion that we are missing a big piece of the puzzle if we ignore the emotional and mental healing that must go on as a part of the PC recovery process.  It becomes obvious to me at least, that there are men on this forum that may have attained some level of healing through surgery, radiation, seeds, Cryo, TFT, etc. etc., who have not had a good emotional and mental recovery.

It is usually evidenced by posts that have anger and bitterness woven into them.  They are argumenative, and generally don't agree with much.  Some have a woe is me tone to them.  I'm going to die any way, so what's the use.

Maybe we need a way to express how we are dealing with our PC from our emotional aspect, without the fear of offending someone because we mentioned religion, or yoga, or meditation, or satanic rituals.  I for one, am curious how other men are handling their fears, their depression, anxiety, whatever.

It matters to me, and I think it is very important.  If I am in a healed physical state, and walking around crying, or sitting at home because I can't face life, I'm not sure that life is good for me.

How can we do this and still keep the spirit of the forum ?

Goodlife

Goodlife...I will come back to this later...I think you are on track to something and need to give it some thought. I am very optimistic so I don't have those fears...but my wife is just the opposite. So I want to think on it before injecting my thoughts.

Good post

My first thought was that I was reminded of the old man who, when asked what he liked most, he answered "Waking up."

We have been through a lot, we may have a lot to come, but taking each day at a time and being grateful for that is a start.

I also think it is important to get on with other stuff. To try to force yourself not to think about PCa at all. To perhaps have some PCa-free time. You nay only be able to start with a few seconds per minute or a few minutes every hour, but if you can get occupied you may suddenly find you are getting through whole chunks of the day without it rearing its ugly head. (Two hours at a movie is a good way to start tricking your brain. As is one of those "you-can't-put-it-down" books) I also got a break by spending hours search the web for photos of butterflies for a friend's daughter doing a school project. having half a dozen friends round to do and talk about normal stuff also worked wonders.

It was an attempt to get away from PCa overload was part of my reasoning for staying away for the Forum for several weeks. And the attempt worked. I got my brain to concentrate on work and hobbies and reading and tv and being with my wife and realising that. "Hey today it really does not matter if I do not surf the net etc to find out what the latest thinking is on RT or side-effects or ED or whatever."

And as ever we are all different and will find different ways to cope, but I think we all need to find something to help us with the bigger picture in addition surgeons etc.

So to practice what I preach I probably now won't look at the forum for a day or so.

Alf

I dunno, it would seem to me that if a given post took on an overly religous overtone, to the extent that others didn't like it, they could choose to no longer participate in that given post. If someone injected religion into EVERY post, then it is they that needs to be dealt with. I hesitate to join the train of thought that suggests that some heal better, emotionally of physically, because someone tried harder or wanted it more, or even the work "choose".. for each cancer is different, each of us is in a different place in our lives, and I trust that NONE of us chose to want to even know about this website.

A 5+4 in a 40 year old guy has different implications than a 3+3 in a 76 year old man. There's just no denying it. We cant talk about it as if it is one cancer - "ours" to share.. the cancer is unique to us, the "experience" is what we offer each other here.

I am humbled by the people, extended family and old friends that have come out of nowhere to make sure that I know they are thinking of me and supporting me. I'm not an overly religious man myself, I consider the mirror my religion, if I can look into it with my head held high, i'm doing ok. But nearly EVERY ONE of these people who have and continue to reach out to me tell me the same thing "I pray for you often". While that likely makes them feel better than me in a religious sense, it certainly makes me feel good that they care. Yet we're not going to allow "religion" to have ANY part in any of the dialog? I dunno.

That said, we have loving wives on here who have to listen to grumpy old men talk of sex and body parts all the time. I think we have a pretty tough crew that can handle just about anything. Good luck all (Was going to say GxD Bless, but until know I didn't realize I couldn't).

John T, that was exactly what I was trying to say! Excellent response...and this is a great topic. Will be interesting to see how others weigh in - hopefully we can keep this one going.

Goodlife very nice topic.I remember my very first post,I mentioned God,and I was accused by few

of many things.like one of our brother said whom ever is a grump will always be I grump and they know who they are.

Great post. After my surgery and pathology report, I was depressed. I remember walking on the beach at S. Padre Island and feeling less than all the other men out there. I was wearing a pad and with 100% ED, I was a defective product. Over the next few month I became continent, trimix took care of ED and I resumed my normal life. I still have anxiety before every PSA test and wonder when will my Gleason 8 show its ugly head again. I don't believe I'm depressed but PC is always in the back of my mind. It never really goes away.

Personally, i'm doing ok. I've got a ways to go, a lifetime in fact. But I must say, I am surprised at the tone of some...

a double amputee feeling self pity, and you mock them? What is wrong with you?

Next time you tough guys shed a tear, or someone you love gives you a hug, let me know so I can make note that YOU graduated to having human emotions.

WOW!

goodlife said...
I was struck by a comment as a thread was being locked because of some spirited discussion.


"Let's get back to things that matter"



Is the only thing that matters when we are diagnosed with PC the quality of the surgeon, radiologist, oncologist, etc. ? We talk a lot about QOL. Is QOL good if we are continent and can get an erection? Is that what makes QOL good.



It is my opinion that we are missing a big piece of the puzzle if we ignore the emotional and mental healing that must go on as a part of the PC recovery process. It becomes obvious to me at least, that there are men on this forum that may have attained some level of healing through surgery, radiation, seeds, Cryo, TFT, etc. etc., who have not had a good emotional and mental recovery.



It is usually evidenced by posts that have anger and bitterness woven into them. They are argumenative, and generally don't agree with much. Some have a woe is me tone to them. I'm going to die any way, so what's the use.



Maybe we need a way to express how we are dealing with our PC from our emotional aspect, without the fear of offending someone because we mentioned religion, or yoga, or meditation, or satanic rituals. I for one, am curious how other men are handling their fears, their depression, anxiety, whatever.




Goodlife

Since I'm the only guy here who had TFT then this is a personal attack on me. I didn't know goodlife was a shrink for he's diagnosed me with not having a good emotional and mental recovery after my PCa treatment.

Post edited as a continuance of an attempt to put a religious or political flavor to these posts.

I'll be the bigger man here and let the personal attack go for I am the more emotional and mentally stable of we two goodlife it seems. You have never ever saw me questioning any ones emotional and mental recovery after fighting cancer, post treatment.

Post Edited By Moderator (James C.) : 9/24/2010 6:02:21 PM (GMT-6)

John.
With all due respect;

I lived for 4 years in a hospital school in Canton Mass, unable to walk.. awaiting double hip replacements. I lived with kids who, unlike myself had REAL problems.

While in that hospital, as an 11 year old kid, I tried convincing the medical staff that my tummy ache was more than "whining".. hours later they rushed me to ER and performed an emergency apendechtomy.. which, ironically, is so noted on my pathology report for my prostate operation - noting that the internal scarring from that operation, 40 years prior, created serious issues for my urologist during the operation.

I've sat in a mangled car for over an hour while they tried to cut it in half to get me out.. the resultant broken pelvis and compound fracture of my ankle touching my knee impacts me still.

So John, I am not asking for your pity, and I certainly doubt that YOU have walked in "THEIR" shoes. The next time you DONT hear a fellow prostate cancer survivor reaching out in this forum for help, you might ask yourself if their situation was worse than your's, if you are alive and they have passed, and then tell us all how you didn't care because it would be "disrespectful".

You have walked in NOBODY'S shoes but your own buddy. Any self gratifying thought on your part that you have is pitiful in itself. In my opinion. And for the record... i'm as stron as any of you here, so i'm not saying this so I can get pity!!!

Ziggy,

If I didn't mention TFT,of which I really just learned about the other day in Tatts post, I would be accused of not recognizing someone's treatment mode. I was trying to include us all.

I am sorry that you think I was talking about you in my attempt to be inclusive.

We all have some issues regarding PC. at least that is my opinion. I am not attempting to be a shrink, nor am I accusing anyone of anything.

I just think I need to be able to talk about subject matter here without being accused of proselytizing, making personal attacks, promoting religion, whatever the beef is.

I have no beef with anyone on HW. I am getting tired tho of not being able to say certain things which may be thought to be in violation of rule #11. We are all grown men here. If you don't like or agree with what I or other HW members post, why can't you just ignore it ? Why is it that guys feel the need to throw rocks and ridicule men who are talking about what's important to them ? How I cope with a Gleason 9, and no prostate, and ED is very important to me. There are those on here that may like to hear how men have coped with the emotional and mental side of this disease. Their explanation may include religious talk. No one is trying to convert anyone. They are talking about what is important to them. Why do you feel you have to accuse them of trying to convert you in some way ? Are you that unsure of what you believe that someone may inadvertantly change your mind ? I think not.

Let's all just agree that we will disagree on some areas and ignore the threads we don't want to participate, or at the least, insert our two cents worth without blasting the other posters. This site would be a better site. Your claims of allowing certain topics in here would destroy it actually serves to weaken it in my opinion.

I know this is a long post, but the long and short is that we need to be able to talk about all aspects of our PC. I really believe that we can do it on here without starting WWIII. We all need to respect each other, and allow each other to just talk, without fear of hacking someone off.

Goodlife on Jeff's computer enjoying the GFMPH get together

Worried Guy said...
Ziggy,

If I didn't mention TFT,of which I really just learned about the other day in Tatts post, I would be accused of not recognizing someone's treatment mode. I was trying to include us all.

I am sorry that you think I was talking about you in my attempt to be inclusive.

We all have some issues regarding PC. at least that is my opinion. I am not attempting to be a shrink, nor am I accusing anyone of anything.

I just think I need to be able to talk about subject matter here without being accused of proselytizing, making personal attacks, promoting religion, whatever the beef is.

h

Whoa!!!! So you're both goodlife and worried guy? I mean it was goodlife who started this thread mentioned TFT and who you are now answering as worried guy. Why do you feel the need to have multiple names in a PCa cancer forum? In respect to James C I will not continue to have a discussion of religious postings in this forum.

But I am right in that bringing in inflammatory subjects of religion and/or politics will destroy this forum as they have other forums and newsgroups. One thing that happens early on are sock puppet posters. That's where an individual goes by a number of different names as to increase his "supposed" support there worried guy/goodlife

Ziggy,

Looks like all the guys at the GFMPH weekend are posting under Worried Jeff's login, with an added "who posted" line at the end.

Caught me off guard at first too.