UPDATE-2 (AUG 4, PAGE 3): At peace and in God’s hands at age 51, after 15 months of stage-4 cancer

Casey, this is the post no one ever wants to make --- trying to say with words thoughts and wishes no words can ever do justice to.

And so I shant try except to say, my heart aches for you.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless

Dear Casey,

Please accept my heartfelt condolences.  From the gentleness of your post, your love for your wife is so apparent.  She was a special lady; I am so sorry for your loss.  May God comfort you and your family.

Peace,

Aimzee

Casey, John and I send you and your family our very deepest condolences.

Here's a poem that may help all of you through this difficult time:

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her. And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

Death comes in its own time, in its own way. Death is as unique as the individual experiencing it."

 

Casey,

MJ & I are so sorry to hear of the death of your beloved wife.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Jerry1

Casey,

I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss.

Her obituary is very moving. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

An

Post Edited (An38) : 7/17/2011 7:19:21 AM (GMT-6)

Casey Iam very sorry for your loss,my brother also lost his wife to lung cancer and she was 45.I will pray for you and your family God bless you.

  I want to express my sincere gratitude for the many thoughtful replies of condolence.   To each and every one of you who replied, your kindness, compassion, and consideration during this time of grief are cherished.   Although I have read and treasured each and every message, I would ask your forgiveness for my not replying individually to each one.       After posting Elaine’s obituary in this thread last Thursday, I got a phone call that night from Hero (Herophilus) and our discussion made me think about the sequence of her diagnosis.   Hero commented about the fact that Elaine ran her first marathon at age 48, then another at 49, and then died at age 51 (15 months after diagnosis).   I believe he was doing the timeline/math in his head…she was, indeed, training for her third marathon when she was diagnosed. It took Elaine 5+ hours to run her first marathon in Oct 2008 ( not a fast time at all), but her marathon journey began only a year and a half earlier (in 2007) with her very first 5K run.   The kids & I viewed her commitment with admiration & awe.   The following year, in 2009, she struggled in her second marathon, and despite similar training to the year before her time was notably worse . She started 2010 with new, heightened level of determination to do better and improve her time in her third marathon.   In addition to intensifying her early-season running, she also did more cross-training to improve her overall strength and endurance by triathlon training:   she took swimming lessons at the YMCA over the winter to improve her stroke, and we gave her a fancy uber-lightweight racing bike for her birthday in March. As a result of her intensified workouts (or so we thought), in the spring of 2010 she was losing some (more) weight, and she was pooped-out many days.   Well, guess what the most common symptoms for kidney cancer are:   weight loss and fatigue…other than that, it is known as a “silent killer.” Her tumor was discovered by her gynecologist during a routine exam in April 2010 when he probed his fingers into her abdomen below her ribs and felt what turned out to be a grapefruit sized tumor in one kidney…which had, as it turns out, already metastasized widely.   In hindsight, it’s no wonder her 2 nd marathon time, just 6-months before her gynecologist's finding and subsequent diagnosis, was notably worse than the year before…she was certainly carrying around a large tumor at the time of the race, and probably a small one the year before.   After her diagnosis, and after treatment started (treatment consisted of: [a] neo-adjuvant chemo starting in June 2010 for 1-month to try to shrink the tumors, [b] followed by surgery in July to take out one kidney and lymph nodes with mets (some high-risk tumor left behind), and then [c] 9-months of chemo…until the tumors started attacking her other kidney which ultimately led to her death) it took her a very long time to face the fact that she wouldn’t run another marathon.   The “runner girl” (as I used to call her) who was seen regularly running through the neighborhood streets became “chemo girl” who walked—as much as she could—around the block.   We had several distant neighbors who were initially unaware of her diagnosis say “We knew something was wrong because we used to see her running through the neighborhood, and now we see her walking…slowly.”   She did not want to give up…       I’m now in the process of finding my own “new normal.”   The last 15 months were a series of one “new normal” after the other for Elaine and me, but now it’s time to settle-in for a period of more stability. In at least 2 ways that I can think of now, my new normal will be striving to be like my old normal.   I started going back to the YMCA last week.   Elaine spent 11 days in the hospital in May, and 16 days in June, so I have not had much of an exercise schedule since April.   Something she asked me to do in her last few weeks was to keep myself healthy and in-shape so that I’d be more apt to have a longer & good quality life with our kids.   Also as part of my old/new normal, I’d like to re-engage in HW/PC-related forum discussions & support sometime soon.   My head is not into it now…it will be soon enough.     edit :   fixed a couple typos Post Edited (Casey59) : 7/19/2011 10:11:55 AM (GMT-6)

Casey,

I read the obituary last Friday morning and noticed that the services and viewing were to be held in Palatine, not all that far away from where I live.  I took a shower, got dressed, entered the address of the church into my GPS and was nearly on my way out the door when I re-read the obit and noticed that the visitation and service had already taken place. 

It had been my thought that I might in some small way represent your many friends here on HW by taking advantage of my proximity and attending.  I felt kind of foolish when I realized I hadn't read the dates when I first looked at the obituary, but I guess the shock of reading about Elaine's death was what caused me to completely miss the fact that I was a week or two too late. 

She obviously was an amazing woman. 

 

>>In at least 2 ways that I can think of now, my new normal will be striving to be like my old normal.<< bravo Casey.  i'm doing the same thing. ed  

Casey,

Very sorry to read about your loss. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said.

Our thoughts are with you.

Mike

Casey, please accept my sincere condolences for the lose of your cherished wife Elaine.

I must admit, even though I read of Elaine's passing a few weeks ago, I couldn't muster up the strength to offer a reply. My diagnosis of PCa and the thought of my passing before my wife was hard enough to cope with. The thought of losing my wife before me is something I just can't bear to think of. Your loss has really touched me, god bless Casey.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Casey.

Swim