HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Depression and PCa

Support Forums
>
Prostate Cancer
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/25/2011 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
I know I should be happy and grateful that post surgery I have no detectable PCa. But I am not.

I am coming up on four months post RP (open and wide cut). PCa was too extensive so I lost both critical nerve bundles. Incontinence is still a problem but making progress towards control over the last month and hopeful that progress will continue (me and my depends and pads are best pals). I am told that wide cuts take longer to regain continence and hope they are right. Using a VED for penile lengthening that I lost from surgery. Also trying shots for woodies with limited to little success. I am 52 and had to make the hard decision to give the surgeon the permission to take critical nerve bundles if he felt it was necessary and it was. The pharmacists said there are many cocktails that they can mix if the Trimix doesn't work.

My Testosterone is very low at 150 but oncologist said that I needed to be cancer free for six months before exploring the possibility of T shots. Also said that they are finding that low T leads to the most aggressive PCa (which may be true in my case with a Gleason 9). Red blood cells are low from surgery and I am taking iron pills to help on that front, but my depression, low T and RBC aren't helping my energy level.

My neighbor across the street is in stage 4 of PCa and has it in his brain, liver, kidneys and bones and probably has a few months to live. So my rational self tells me I should be happy that i am cancer free at the moment and not to worry about what tomorrow, next week, month or year will bring. All I know is that my urologist oncologist and my radiologist oncologist and their PAs and nurses are wondering how I am PCa free with all my high risk factors which tempers my excitement with the first two PSA tests post surgery showing no detectable PCa.

I am taking some depression meds that must be making a difference, but I wonder.

Is what I am feeling normal. Have any of you felt or feel the same way?

I would appreciate any input and experiences that my fellow PCa brothers have felt or are feeling as you deal with having to be on this website. If you do have these feelings, how are you over coming them?
Posted 8/25/2011 10:37 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, you are normal.

Keep busy, keep being aware of the good things you have going for you, keep in touch on HW.

Life is good.

Goodlife
Posted 8/25/2011 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
One day at a time and make pleanty of lemonaid from all the lemons life is throwing at ya....
Posted 8/25/2011 11:13 AM (GMT 0)
I am fighting depression also. Its part of the deal for some of us. Pull your family and friends in closer. I use distraction. I go for long walks. Or re-organize my stuff. Play with the dog. Clean the house or inside of the car. Find things to fix. I knew the SE of surgery, but have no regrets. I have done the right and responsible thing and so have you. And that is why you have a favorable PSA, something to be very proud of since you accomplished it.

Do you have too much time on your hands? Then go and volunteer for something. Find a purpose, like PCa awareness. Help your neighbor. Chin up.
Posted 8/25/2011 12:49 PM (GMT 0)
Pretty normal given what we and our nody's have been thru. For me I have to have outlets, mostly physical like jumping in the lake or running or riding my mtn. bike. Sometimes it's music are seeing a good movie. Talking helps and I usually turn to my wife. But just taking that first step to do something is sometimes the hardest step. Medications help but I think you also have to have other outlets to help cope. Having goals, even small goals and following through with acheiving those goals also helps. Making yourself go see a good movie or going to a concert puts us back in the movement of life, so yes your normal.

Michael

Posted 8/25/2011 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
My sincere thanks to Goodlife, StevenDallas, Startech and 60 Michael for your responses, your experiences and advice as to what you are doing in your lives to focus on the good and to stay distracted from this hideous disease. I will try and replicate what you are doing in your lives to hopefully improve mine.

This is a great forum for knowledge, support and direction, and I have benefited greatly since my Dx in February of this year.

Posted 8/25/2011 5:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Devastated, Welcome to Healing Well.

You are normal. It is a pretty safe bet after our surgery, none of us danced around the house naked, yelling: "Yippee! I'm a Eunuch!" (Well, maybe Jeff Corvetteman did. He is always up.)
You had some pretty serious stuff done to your serious stuff. You are allowed to be depressed - for a while. Then, you have to get up, cut the grass, clean out the rain gutters, fix the mower, change the engine oil, go to work, finish the mess on your work bench, defrost the freezer and eat that turkey that has been hiding back there since 2007. You know, live life!
I will assume you are single. This is also a good time to get the rest of your body in shape. Go look in the mirror right now. Go ahead. I'll wait..... Come on! Get off the chair and do it! I took the time to write this. It is the least you can do...OK?...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Did you like what you saw? Would you want to date you? Suck in that stomach, fill out that chest and promise that today you start getting in shape. Take 2 showers a day, keep a razor and a toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower and use them both times. Wear clean underwear. Get new ones. It's time.
Think of your PCa adventure like a buzzing alarm clock that just woke you up. A rude awakening but now you can get going on the rest of your life.

By the way, from what I hear, women value the stuff between your ears a whole lot more than what's between your legs. Some of the single guys will gladly give you some tips so make sure to turn on your email link.

Good luck to you.
Jeff
Stop by GFMPH in NY if you get a chance. It will help.
Posted 8/25/2011 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
Amigo, I have been living with depression for years. Most of the meds if not all will have an effect on sexual abilities. That and desire. Add booze and it's worse. Having an understanding lady in your life will help.
Posted 8/26/2011 1:01 AM (GMT 0)
Worried Guy, do you have a camera in my home? Because I saw the exact same guy you saw and described. Okay, I will get off my fat a** brush and floss my teeth, get out my exercise shoes and dust them off and work on getting rid of that boiler I have worked so hard on the last decade to get around my waist. Your correct, stop the moaning and feeling sorry for myself, put my spandex on and ride my bike even if I do wet my pants.and be grateful for being caner free for as long as it lasts.

Thanks for the laugh and the motivating words and from now on I am showering in the dark so you can't see me!
Posted 8/26/2011 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
Devasted1, Your not alone..........Try and realize the positives in your life, keep busy and look for support from friends and family and if not available, seek professional help. Try and keep the bad thoughts out of your mind, don't let them take you down.

I have had a couple of panic attacks. Breathing exercises, positive thoughts and ativan has helped. Good luck and you will get through this. I am dealing with your same problems and I want to look back on this one day as a tough fight. but one we got through..........Goodluck
Posted 8/26/2011 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Devastated,
Since the cameras are still on.... Get your car inspected. It's almost due. And when are you going to get rid of that pile of junk in the garage? You know you'll never need it again. Dump it.

Seriously, from what I've heard, a guy with a wonked winky is 'primo' material for a woman over 50. If you confide in her (tell her you don't feel like a man any more) she will bend over backwards to prove you wrong. You become a project. It's a Win-Win situation.
Knock off the 15 pounds and get busy.
Here's a place to start. (Caution, my info here is about 2 years old so it might be different now.) Take a Yoga class. There is a franchise called Yoga Bear which allows PCa survivors to join for free. The classes are 95% women. - bendable, stretchable women. The owner of the company decided to invite PCa survivors hoping that 'safe' men would come and more women would be encouraged to join.
You get some exercise, you look at scantily clad women, and you might even meet someone looking for a project. Win-Win-Win!

(Turn on your email so some single guys can help you with more tips.)

Good luck brother,
Jeff
Posted 8/26/2011 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
Prohelp1 ,thank you for your sound advice. Hopefully, I will be there with you when we look back and say we didn't let this nasty and hideous disease get the best of us. We both need to go NY for the GFMPH convention and laugh and cry with our fellow PCa brothers. I hope you are blessed with happiness and health for many years to come.
Posted 8/26/2011 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
Devasted1, I have to make a correction from Worried Guys comment. Even I (the really up guy) had a huge fight with the darn depression. It was at about the 4 month mark that I found myself just totally bummed out. Was it depression? Not exactly sure that is the correct term. I think a better description would have to believe I was dealing with Grief. Yes Grief of the old me that was dead and gone. I could no longer make love to my wife.

Time did heal and yep have done lots of thing Worried Guy recommended.. I have dropped 45 lbs from my fat as* and yep got my spandex on and starting riding with some guys on my road bike. Have worked up to doing 50 mile rides. I must say the rides are great for my head.. I manage to sort through lots of life issues .

I guess what I am trying to say. You certainly are having real normal feeling. Yep it sucks. No question about that. Finding the new normal is the next step. Heck I may have to find that Yoga Class. :)

Your a young guy with lots of life ahead of you. Yep it will be different your going to make new friends. Your going to become good friends with some of the guys on HW. We are making our trip to New York from Louisiana to see the guys at the GFMPH at Worried Guys. Many of those same guys came to my house last April. It will be great to see them again.

Give yourself a bit of time to adjust, and get to the gym. Know were here for you buddy.

Cajun jeff
Posted 8/26/2011 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Cajun Jeff for validating what I am feeling. You nailed it right on the head that it is really grief, and grieving what I have lost and so frustrated on not being able to make love to my sweetheart. I know I conscious of the difficult decision i made prior to surgery by giving my surgeon to use his judgement as to taking both nerve bundles but no one can fully comprehend what you are going to loose until you really do loose it.

You guys have inspired me to get on my bike Saturday morning, wear my black spandex and be like a pro rider and just wet my pants and start building back up to a century bike ride by next spring.

You sound like a great guy who has lots of energy and is very positive in life. Thank you for taking the time and sharing those very sensitive and private feelings that you have gone through and that I am wrestling with right now. i will get physically active and hopefully report back that I have dropped 45 pounds and have worked through this stage of grieving. I hope you have a blast at the GFMPH gathering.

Thanks
Posted 8/26/2011 11:38 AM (GMT 0)
I'm with you guys there. This is a very timely discussion.

At the 3 month mark I felt great. The cancer was out of me and I had more energy than I had in years. I'm not sure how much of that was from the rest and lack of responsibilities I had during recuperation and how much was the cancer sapping my energy. Now past the 9 month point and I've have been feeling down, most of the summer I think.

Incontinence isn't much of an issue for me (I just lose a drop here and there) but ED is. I also lost the nerve bundles. Based on the opinions of the surgeon and radiologist I gave him the go ahead to take it and the lymph nodes to give myself the best chance of ridding myself of the cancer. Logically it made sense but it doesn't make it easy.

I'd been ignoring the feelings (as i usualy do) but my wife and kids are away this week so it's given me more time to think about it, especially late at night.  I've been wondering if it's depression that I'm feeling but after reading this thread grief is exactly what it is. I've lost a part of me that I'll never get back. Thanks for the discussion guys, it really helps.

 

Posted 8/26/2011 3:59 PM (GMT 0)

  Depressed, you better believe it.  I've been fighting depression for years but lately it's gotten worse.  Nothing seems to be snapping me out of it this time.  Meds, Hobbies, working my dogs, just trying to be happy.  Head Doc wants me to only be grumpy for a hour then go do something I want to enjoy.  It's not working.

  When I heard those dreaded words "You have cancer and you better do something about it."  I though my world had crashed, "Dam this is it" took over and I started to prepare for the end.  Deep worry and sleepless nights were plaguing me while I awaited making a decision on what to do.  While there seems to be many options for dealing with PCa there were only a few for me.  The thought of Radiation scared me to much, so that narrowed down things.

Surgery, get the cancer out became my battle cry.

  So surgery it was.  I'd been having back pain for well over a year, it was to the point were I was bed ridden at times.  Four Doctors and a Chiropractor could not find what was causing me such discomfort.  Hours after my surgery, I felt the back pain was gone or the effects of coming out of surgery was masking the pain.  No, when I came around the back pain was truly gone! 

  I was elated, euphoria, I was happier than I had been in years.  I thought not only has the cancer been removed but my back pain is gone.  I didn't know which was a better feeling.

I bounced around with a mental high for a week or so, NO More Back Pain!

  Now almost two months after surgery, I've over thought my situation, plunged deep into the why me's!  Why did I get cancer in the first place, I rationalized that it was just my luck of the draw, my turn.   After the surgery and a great Path report, I felt some what better, the cancer had been taken care of.

  Now the dark Vail has dropped, Why did I survive, how did I suddenly become so lucky and be "cured"?  Is the cancer really gone, did they really get all of it?  Yes, further tests are the answer, but for the time ahead, I will also have the nagging question, is the cancer back?

Why can't I just be happy to have rid myself of the cancer?

Posted 8/26/2011 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Sparrowhawk,

You're normal! Don't make come over there!

Look. You are not that far from me. What, 6 hours? Come on over during GFMPH weekend. Bring a toy and we'll fill some zucchini with JHP.

I can't guarantee the weekend will fix your depression but for sure it will set you right for at least a week or two.
Hey, you got something better to do? I didn't think so!
Come on over. That's why we're here.

Jeff in NY

By the way, that is also the weekend of the Empire State Arms Collectors Gun show so bring your CCW permit and plan on contributing to the local economy.
Posted 8/26/2011 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hey Sparrowhawk and Devastated you both need to find a way to get to the GFMPH next month at Worried guys house outside Rochester NY.  One of the really good guys in this forum Sonny3 convinced me to attend and I live in Alabama. He told me that he did not want to go last year (he might have had a little depression) but his lovely wife convinced him to attend and after she saw laughter from him that she hadn't seen in 5 years, she told him that he would never miss another of these GFMPH gatherings. I hope Sonny doesn't mind I shared this but I don't think he will. This story and the numerous phone calls I got from him and 3 other members left me no choice but to buy an airline ticket and go. After all I am going for my prostate health. My new freindships with so many in this forum has not left me any time to feel sorry for myself or allow the cloud of depression to fall over me.

Hope to see you 2 there next month,

Terry the happy water guy

Posted 8/26/2011 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
(duplicate post)

Post Edited By Moderator (142) : 8/27/2011 4:45:16 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/26/2011 8:51 PM (GMT 0)
Water Guy and Worried Guy, thanks for the comments and the invitation. I am seriously considering coming to next year's GFMPH event, but for this year, I have lost too much time from work, too many medical bills to pay in this crummy economy, but will start saving the nickels for next year.

SparrowHawk-Thanks for sharing the fact that your grieving as well for your loss. From what I have read, it is only natural and it is a legitimate feeling for us to have, but were Men and we are supposive to be tough and resilent. This forum and topic has really made a huge difference over the last two days for me. First, it has validated that I am grieving the loss, second, my fellow PCa brothers have been there, done it and don't need to do it again. I do need to make myself exercise, heck Yoga class is sounding enticing which will help with the endorphines and the overall depression. I have wasted enought time feeling bad for myself, grieving what I have lost and it is time to get off my sorry fat butt and start lviing life and finding the good after focusing on this hideous disease all of this year. In a sense, I have wasted eight months with this cancer, screw it, it is time to Seize the Day!


I hope GFMPH is a wonderful success and only wished I could be there this year.
Posted 8/27/2011 1:42 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Devastated

I can only repeat the comments that have gone before me. We all get down at some stage, it's normal. I have tried to just enjoy each day and hope for the best. That (along with getting the best treament available and educating yourself on the disease) is all you can do.  Hang in there and best wishes.

Posted 8/27/2011 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
Devasted1,

I hope your spirits get lifted and stay lifted.

I've never been through any of this, but I am married to someone who is going through the very beginnings of it.

To help lift your spirits, would it lift them more if you could help another person by explaining your statement below to me? Or tell me where I might mind more information on that? :)

 "Also said that they are finding that low T leads to the most aggressive PCa (which may be true in my case with a Gleason 9). "

Thank you!

Posted 8/27/2011 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
MsWorryWart

I recently had a post-operative appointment with an urologists that specializes in incontinence and impotence post radical postatectomy surgery. I was referred to him from the urological surgeon. I asked him about my low testosterone (150) that should be around 600. I have had low T levels for the last decade and was doing shots every three weeks. Once I got diagnosed in February of my PCa, I was advised to cease with the shots, which I did. So I asked the urologist for his recommendation as to what I should do in the future, now that I had PCa, and had two blood tests that showed no dectectable cancer. He said that I should wait at least six months post surgery and if I continue to show no cancer from the PSA tests then we would resume discussion and explore the possibility of testosterone replacement.

He then said that they are finding in recent studies that they are finding that men with low testosterone levels that developed PCa usually had the more aggressive Prostate Cancer. In my case that was exactly true. I have familial history of PCa with a Dad and brother that had PCa, so I have been monitoring my PSA very closely over the last ten years. But my Dad and Brother had Gleason 5 and 6 respectively (and both had normal T level) and I got the Gleason 9 cancer with my low T. I do not have the actual study that he was referring to. Maybe one of my fellow PCa brothers will know of it and where we could find it.

I hope that helps. You have my best wishes for your husband one since you are on this website. This is an amazing website for great information and support and an occasional laugh from some of the veteran members. Please feel free to post any question that you have as you are in the early stages as you described. There are people all over the world reading this posts and are so generous with their time and information providing responses. I have no hesitation to share what I am feeling and asking for validation. We men are usually really bad at that, but the brothers here are really generous with their concern and information. God bless you both as you go through this journey. We all will hope for a wonderful outcome for the both of you.
Posted 8/27/2011 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Devastated,

Every man who has ED relates to what you are feeling.

My only advice to you is to rethink what "making love " is.

I think that in the end, you may discover that the penis has little to do with it. In fact for most men, it is more for self gratification than an instrument of love.

What most women want is your heart. You give that my showering her with love and affection. Words, intimate time, touching, feeling, bringing her to orgasm, is more about making love than us getting off.

In my own discovery, my wife and I have developed a deeper love making between us than when I thought it was my big o that was what she wanted. I am now her lover in ways I never was before.

Goodlife
Posted 8/27/2011 4:31 AM (GMT 0)
Goodlife,

Sound advice for me to process, explore and implement your recommendations. It is just going to take a while to change the paradigm that I was use to. My new life starts tomorrow with a bike ride and going to the gym and then focus on my wife and not on my stupid concerns. Thank you.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12