Dad Moody After Prostatectomy

Hello All.....I was wondering if any of you have gone thru this or have experienced it with people.  Seems like my Dad has been exceptionally grouchy, actually kind of rude to some of us after his surgery.  He did go to his doctor and he believes that he got everything.  Dad goes back for a checkup in January and then will go qaurterly next year.  None of us are sure how to approach him.  We know this is stressful for him and he's not able to do all of his normal activities just yet, but I wish he could just be thankful that his surgery went well and he is doing so well. 

Cajun Jeff,

He has a previous thread that has some of that info. Surgery was Sept 27th, catheter came out mid-October, G7(3+4) pT2c PN0 pM-not applicable, didn't see the age.

nmckinley,

The two most common side effects of his surgery are the loss of the ability to father children and at least several months of being depressed and grouchy.

Do you know if he is continent? Problems in that department can really weigh a man down.

He is probably very low, frustrated and angry about it all.
As hard as it is for you all at the moment, I agree with Jeff, just be there for him. Is he a talker or does he tend to keep everything in? (as men often do!). If you can get him to open up and talk about how he is feeling it might help but make sure he knows how much you all love and are there for him.
Wishing him and you all well and hope things improve for you all soon.
Sending you a hug from over the pond.
Susan
x

Personally, I think prostate surgery sucks enough all by itself so that there is no need looking for spooky trace elements to make us cranky.

The most likely reason that he gets angry about random things is that there are other things that are bugging the heck out of him that he can't complain about to anybody. Not to his son. Not to his family. Not to his doctor. Not to anybody.

Lots of people talk about the wonderful things they learn about prostate cancer on this forum. I know I have learned a lot here. And the most valuable thing I have learned is the fine art of manly complaint. This forum is marvelously therapeutic. The wonderful guys here complain endlessly, in considerable detail, about things I am not sure I could ever have mentioned to another living soul until I learned how here. Now I vent with the best of them -- and they are very patient with me and I do appreciate it.

What I'd do if he was my dad is to get him hooked up with a support group, or if he is computer literate, see if you can get him to browse this forum. Find some thread that touches on some topic that might be bothering him and get him to read it. Lead him somewhere where he can learn the art of complaint.

Peter's comment was right at the heart of it. I can say without question that there are things I "talk" about here that have never passed my lips. Even the GFMPH guys haven't heard it all, and perhaps would not want to.

The biggest issue I had was accepting in reality what I already knew was coming - a "new normal", as someone described it to me before surgery. The real problem with that is that we don't know what the "new normal" will be composed of until months or possibly years after surgery (incontinence, ED, bowel issues, piling on the SEs of RT, HT).

Some simple examples -

I live alone, with no family nearby. I stocked up on things I might need, knowing I would not be allowed to drive for weeks after surgery. I bought a large bottle of apple cider. I did plan to some degree, making sure that the container was plastic. I did not plan for the fact that I was unable to pick up the container. That attempt left me in the floor, in screaming pain, and without anyone to help me back up. Fortunately I was not injured, but it did take crawling to a chair so that I could find something to use to get up again. After that I called a friend who came over and helped me clean up the aftermath and reorganize a bit.

I could not step over the tub side to take a shower (it is difficult for an able person). I had to get a friend to go to the store to buy a stool to help me get into the tub.

I spent five months in Depends pants & pads.

And so on ....

All extremely demoralizing. I screamed at the TV, the only other option being my friends, who I knew I could not alienate, having had my driver's license held by the surgeon's office, if I wanted anything from the store

Can't imagine if I had family at home to take the abuse. They would probably have left for the coast.

I think you need to talk with your Doc and have Dad screened for depression. Also, is he on other Medications? If so, bring that list in and see how everything interacts.

NMK,

My money is on low T. Sounds all too familiar. Sounds to be a tad more than post operative depression IMHO.

Good luck and hoping for all good things.

Swim

After several decades of being toilet-trained, it's extremely demoralizing to be piddling in your pants. I'd personally planned to put it off until "never" or at least another 40 years or so...

Having the old flagpole not respond to commands to rise also sucks. That happens for at least a while to nearly everyone who has surgery, even when it goes well. Going well in that department is eventually recovering voluntary use of the thing.

Talking about it - not comfortable. Talking with your offspring about it - WAY not comfortable. Depressed and angry is pretty normal - there's also the "why me cancer" anger thrown on top of that.

I about bit the head off the receptionist in the urologist's office when they wanted a completely pointless urine sample on the day I was getting biopsied. Gosh, you're going to shove a probe up my behind and poke needles in to me, and you want me to pee in a cup for WHAT POSSIBLE PURPOSE!

Sounds like some post surgery depression taking place to me, or even depression related to knowing he has/had cancer in general. It can manifest itself in many forms, included anger that isn't normally present. Make sure that he's not in pain, some men will deny pain to appear touch and macho. Untreated pain can cause unwarranted anger at times. Mostly give him space to vent there and there, hopefully, he will come around to being "normal" again with his family. If not, encourage him to see his doctor sooner, rather than later.

David in SC