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Posted 1/6/2013 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Recently, I did some posts on HW regarding my concern about stress.

Frankly, I found it VERY VERY difficult to actually post it.

It is sometimes so hard to admit that yes I'm not handling things as well as I should. It was even hard to say that I wasn't eating as well as I should or exercising as much as I should.

So, do some of you find it difficult to post such personal issues?

Mel (I guess looking for validation or something!)

Posted 1/6/2013 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Of course. I will say that I am more open with the GFMPH friends I've developed, but in the day-to-day world, it is tough to be open, perhaps more because it is hard to find a good listener without burning them out as well.
Posted 1/6/2013 4:20 PM (GMT 0)
Mel, if you cannot open up here, then where can you.

To me it is one of the strongest aspects of HW. No matter the problem or the issue, there is always someone else here that "has been there and done that". No one else in my world can understand "my issues" as much as the folks here.

Think about the topics that are discussed, especially those of the more personal nature besides the mechanics of treating Pca. We talk about incontinence, erections and love life, bowel issues, you name it. But we are discussing these things among friends that can identify.

I opened up my entire world to HW with my journey of Lynn's and my cancers. It was the only thing that kept me sane throughout the journey.

Of course there are many that have a hard time opening up about things, but when they do, they find they are not alone. They find they are not unique in their issues. And in the end they are somewhat cleansed to be able to "LET IT OUT".

So while it may be difficult at times to put fingers to keyboard, the results are positive.

Sonny
Posted 1/6/2013 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
I often find it difficult to do that but just as often the first step in solve the problem is to admit that I've got it.

sometimes the more difficult the problem the harder it is to talk about.

Just remember you're here among friends.
All the best,
Andrew
Posted 1/6/2013 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
compiler:

Congratulations on making your feelings known. That was a first step and a breakthrough, I would think, IMHO. Hopefully sharing will help you feel better.
It's not too difficult for me to express my feeling online. Actually it's eaier I think than it would be face-to-face. But I realize I'm not going through what many on this Forum are dealing with. My heart & prayers goes out to them and you.

Take care, I bet you will be feeling better as times goes by. She is a great healer. I think you should let you Docs. know what is going on.  I'm sure they have helped patients deal with the stress of the ramifications of CaP many times before.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Posted 1/6/2013 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
Feelings are a tough nut to crack. By putting our feelings to words, it makes them a bit more tangible. Something we can point to and say - that is what I'm dealing with; that is how it is affecting me. At times the words are tough to write because they are so real. But the process can be therapeutic and cleansing.

I write things on this forum I would not communicate anywhere else. Why? It goes beyond the embarrassing topics. People here deal with gut wrenching topics that relate to life and death. Few can relate to that in my daily life.

I appreciate the heart felt posts that you and many others share on this site. Sometimes they are hard to write; sometimes they are even hard to read. Always are they welcomed to provide hope and support.
Posted 1/6/2013 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Mel -

Perhaps it might help to look at it this way. Whenever you sign on and post here,

you don't have to explain
you don't have to justify
you don't have to excuse
you don't have to plead
you don't have to pretend
you don't have to blame

because, whatever it is that is bothering you, or whatever it is that is causing you fear, it is a near certainty that someone (or many) here have already had, faced, and likely overcome that same issue.

We understand. We've been there. We know these issues, and if you share your concerns with us, we can quite likely respond to them and help you.

Quite frankly, one of the highlights of my day is to come here, sign on, and draw great benefit from not only the technical things I learn, but, even more so, from the wonderful personal support that is always available to others from the fine brothers and sisters here on this great list.

We're here to help. Let us help you.
Posted 1/6/2013 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, it is definitely easier to post online, where at least we are relatively anonymous.

In real life, few could relate to any of this, unless they have been there.

In my situation, it is amazing but at work I really don't think about PC. I totally enjoy what I do and I do it well. For years, I have been saying that I'll keep working as long as it's fun. However, another fear is that I do have mets and that it will eventually cause pain and hence interfere with my work. This is no longer a remote possibility. I will be getting scan results when I choose to pick up the reports, but definitely before my doctor appointment on the 14th.

I also think part of my current high stress level is the fact that I have had more time to dwell on this stuff, coupled with the recent spate of tests/scans.

Mel

Posted 1/6/2013 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
Compiler, even those that are dealing with a husband going through this have not been as forthcoming in our real life than on here. My work consists of finding housing for the low income families. I love my job. It's fulfilling. Plus I have been on the other side of my desk begging for help when my children were young and I was a single parent. It takes away the thoughts of home for a short time. When my residants find out what my husband is going through, they are shocked that I would even be at work, much less making their immediate problems becoming mine. I do feel in a way that part of my income is in the form of a blessing to help others, hence, I have great faith that Tim will be healed.
I have used online for many years to vent and cry. I have found much compassion. And I found my husband online. You can't get more open than that. This board is all about helping each other. Use it (use US) to get through the battles that many that have not been through it would not understand.
Bless you.
Posted 1/6/2013 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
Mel -

Something else I just thought of.

I know you're an academic (math professor, right?). When I was a faculty member, my university had an Employee Assistance Program available to faculty and staff at no charge (part of our contract). Psychological counseling was part of it, those who staffed it being drawn from the psychology and psychiatric departments at the university hospital nearby.

I assume you are employed at a university or college? If so, perhaps you have already checked into this and have the opportunity to avail yourself of a program such as this if you wish. But sometimes these programs, though useful, don't get the advertising or promotion they deserve, and may go unused.

If you haven't done so already you might check to see if such a program is available to you at your place, and if so it might be worth looking into.
Posted 1/6/2013 6:46 PM (GMT 0)

Mel said...
So, do some of you find it difficult to post such personal issues?

I answered this question (sort of) in a different thread
Posted 1/6/2013 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
i remember a wife asking about what she could do to help her husband who was not into talking about his disease or seeking help.  i suggested therapy and she said "oh he'd never do that."

machismo will kill you. 

i've had a very tough upbringing but after more than two decades of active recovery i'll do whatever it takes to feel better.  since my diagnosis that has meant a more active involvement in 12-step, anti-depressants twice, therapy, diet, supplements and sharing about my fear and concerns.

yeah it's hard at times but like andrew said if you can't admit the problem you aren't receptive to getting help. 

we have a saying:  you can't save you ass and your face at the same.


ed

Posted 1/6/2013 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
i have the opposite problem.
Posted 1/6/2013 9:07 PM (GMT 0)

I have a yellow sticky on my desk at work thats says:


No one really gives a crap

Don't waste your breath

That is certainly not true here on HW.

I think I need this site!!!!!

David


Posted 1/6/2013 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
I can answer your question in a single word: NO

If I felt that way, then I would have never come to a place like HW. I am an open book in real life, as I am here, no difference.

david
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