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Posted 5/18/2013 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
This is an older article but still very relevant about prostate cancer and depression after treatments. I've felt a dark cloud come over me, especially at night, and wondered if it was depression coming on. In the morning I feel stronger and with physical activity can fight off the urge to go back to bed. But it's tough.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/after-cancer-treatment-waiting-for-the-sadness-to-lift/
Posted 5/18/2013 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
Depression after treatment is very common. There's a mental/emotional side to this disease that needs to be considered as well.
Posted 5/18/2013 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
How timely. I had a two hour crying jag this afternoon. I have times when I am really on edge and frustrated at the world. Probably exacerbated by my retirement in a month and dealing with the mental changes that entails.
I have a wife who is great at doing things for me, but lousy at empathy and who is growing tired of trying to deal with this. I'm really, really down and can't see up right now. Made worse by the fact that, unlike others here, I have a really good prognosis, so I feel guilty about that, too.
Posted 5/19/2013 12:01 AM (GMT 0)
donft, I also went through the prostate cancer and retirement thing at the same time and also had the roller coaster ups and downs for a while. If you would like to talk to somebody who has had an experience similar yours, just send me an e-mail. My address is in my profile.
Posted 5/19/2013 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
reachout,

I had it after surgery and got some help for it with counseling and phamacueticals. It made a great difference. Hopefully others going through this will read your thread, acknowledge they are depressed and seek out help for it instead of suffering.

I also had to take a sabbatical from HealingWeel to focus on other ares of life and not PCa 24/7.
Posted 5/19/2013 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Devastated,

Boy you make a couple of very good points. If a guy thinks he is suffering from depression, get some professional help. Depression and anxiety should not be taken lightly ... I got help.

Also, at times I have focused extensively of PCa and I do not think this focus was good for the anxiety ... certainly getting away from HW for a time helped decrease my focus on PCa.
Posted 5/19/2013 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
I have gotten help and continue to do so, as well as meds. I continue to be in a hole so deep I can't see my way out of it. It's more of a matter of what this confluence of things has done to my relationship with my wife. In an earlier thread, someone suggested just not telling her the truth, but that's not who I am or the relationship I need. I need someone who, if I've been crying for hours, will actually ask me what's wrong instead of rushing out to attend a family function. Her empathy gene was lost in her childhood. I had to call my daughter to drive down from Orange County to be with me, as I feared I would harm myself.
Inspector, I'm sending you a private Email as you kindly offered.
Posted 5/19/2013 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies. Maybe acknowledging that this is a widespread issue after treatment can help us realize we're not alone in our feelings.

I've been thinking about this a bit, and wonder if it has to do with the "fight or flight" response. When faced with a crisis our instincts are to fight it or run away from it. While getting treatments we're in the fighting mode. But after the treatment ends there's little we can do to fight, yet we can't run away, the beast might still be inside of us. So we turn inward and get depressed. I think it's worse after surgery and radiation because there are no more curative bullets left, so all we have is hope.

I'm a spiritual person, and most of the time that's what keeps me going through the dark days but it's really tough at times. I'm not adverse to meds if it gets worse, but am hoping I can cope without them.

Hugs and prayers for all you guys going through the same thing.
Posted 5/19/2013 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Let me get this straight....

You have been diagnosed with prostate cancer, you had your prostate removed, probably have incontinence and ED issues, you are going through radiation, maybe hormone treatment. And with all that crap, the doc tells you the PCa might return.

Well, of course you're depressed! Jeez! What do you expect?! To be happy about it?!
You're normal and intelligent!
Know that this will pass. Breathe... just breathe....

Now go outside and catch some Vitamin D rays. And while you're at it, fix those rain gutters and paint the back door. She's been bugging you about them for years. ;-)

Jeff
Posted 5/19/2013 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
Donft;

Depression is something I know about intimately. I had it in spades for years and then I broke down further with panic attacks and so on. This is something that is both very common and very debilitating if left to itself.

From your post its clear you are needing some comfort. Well I care, and many here do also. Do you have any clergy to confide in? Get help! Its out there, and its not something to be ashamed or afraid of to admit.

You can overcome this. Vent here anytime. Email me also if you feel the need. My replies will contain Spiritual advice along with suggestions.
Posted 5/20/2013 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you greetingz. I'm not a religious guy, but your sending out positives is greatly appreciated. I know this will pass. It just doesn't feel like it right now.
Posted 5/20/2013 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
Yes
Hero
Posted 5/20/2013 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
Reachout and Donft,

I'm sure you guys know it is early days yet. Things will improve with time. Going through radiation is kind of like being worked over by an expert who can beat you half to death and not leave a mark. And major incontinence just sucks every which way. I've been there. But things to get better. You heal. You recover. You learn to cope.

You need to give it time. In the meanwhile don't be shy about treating depression should it arise. There are no drugs that will make you happy about your situation but there may be drugs that make it easier to deal with. I, for instance, find that my generic Prozac makes me a much more accomplished complainer here on the forum, and venting does make me feel better.
Posted 5/20/2013 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Cymbalta helps when things aren't really bad. When they are, it's just not up to the task.
Posted 5/20/2013 8:34 PM (GMT 0)

donft said...
How timely. I had a two hour crying jag this afternoon. I have times when I am really on edge and frustrated at the world. Probably exacerbated by my retirement in a month and dealing with the mental changes that entails.
I have a wife who is great at doing things for me, but lousy at empathy and who is growing tired of trying to deal with this. I'm really, really down and can't see up right now. Made worse by the fact that, unlike others here, I have a really good prognosis, so I feel guilty about that, too.

I was at the height of my depression at this stage too. You're barely 2 months out of surgery. The battle you prepared for and fought is behind you and it's tough to change mindset, I understand that. I actually missed the battle. You don't prepare for the battle being over and nobody tells you it's over, you just kind of realize it every day and once everyone around you starts treating you like nothing ever happened or nothing has changed. That's how I felt.

Don't feel bad about the good prognosis. Everyone here who has a worse one is thrilled for you.

Regarding your wife, maybe she thinks it's best to treat you like nothing had happened. My wife is also great with practical things and I sometimes wondered if she truly understood what I was going through. Truth is, besides pretty much doing everything around here, there is no way for her to know everything because some of the things I pretty much kept to myself.

I can tell you the depression dissipates after a while and that I learned to embrace it. But even when it's gone, you still won't be the exact same guy as before getting cancer and before retiring. Those are big life changes that will affect you one way or another.

Good luck.
Posted 5/20/2013 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
David,
I have read so many of your comments on different threads. You are such a cool guy, it's hard to overstate. I really, really thank you for your comments and support. I'm really learning about the battle after the battle. It seems that unless you've been there, no one can really understand why you're just not the same person.
I really wish I could find the thread started 1+ weeks ago by a guy who talked about how edgy and irritable he gets. It was so on point. If anyone knows where it is, I'd appreciate the link.
Posted 5/20/2013 10:04 PM (GMT 0)
For me, despite being caught in what I hope is early, and so far few side effects (I am 100% continent and have no problems with erections - dry orgasms take some getting used to), I have felt depression. A sense of loss. Fear. Anger. Rage. I fell robbed. Self-pity - the whole "why me" deal. A lot of emotions that come with depression. I think many of them are not valid. I won't have my first PSA for another month but the outlook is good so why do I feel these emotions at times? No idea.

I also feel very happy to have had this cancer caught and treated.

Life is funny.
Posted 5/20/2013 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
donft, you just made my day.

So the best thing about this forum is those moments when you see that post that just addresses you, even if not intentionally, that makes you feel better, even if for just 5 minutes. I've seen those and the community they provide is unrivaled. My whole journey with PCa got turned around some 2 weeks into the process when I received an email from a guy from Yana who I had reached out to. I was watching my daughter play rec soccer feeling nothing could be worse at that moment when the chime on my iPhone went off and I saw an email from this guy 1000 miles away describing his journey and how everything will get better for me. I read it and started to cry. I've thanked him more than once and even put him in contact with new patients I met later on but I don't know if he truly knows the magnitude of what he did. My point is, you are not alone and you will get through it.

So many here are going through or have gone through what you are experiencing. I hope you continue to share your journey with us.
Posted 5/21/2013 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
I must be the odd man out in this conversation. I have never felt depression in any classical sense of the word in dealing with PC. Perhaps because I had already endured 3 previous bouts of a dangerous cancer, and it seasoned my mind to the whole ordeal.

In fact, the only time in my life I was ever on anti-depressents, was in the years before I ever even had the first cancer in my life. I was on Lexapro for about 5 years, then suddenly stopped taking it, and have never been on one yet.

I get upset, but not depressed, two different things to me. I try to take all this in stride, and deal with all the negative events I have had the past 4 plus years one at the time. For starters, I am a big believer in separating all my problems in life into separate "boxes". People tend to get overcome when they throw all of their issues into the bath tub at once, so to speak. To me, each problem has its own causes, and its own solutions, and if there is no immediate solution, I put it back in its own box.

Probably why I can honestly say I have never suffered from PSA Anxiety that I see so many men talk about here. To me, its just a number on a piece of paper, and it only represents a small portion of what I am dealing with.

I think for those that suffer true depression, its a serious matter, and they should be seeing the right doctor to deal with it, and if meds are needed, then by all means, use them. Life is too short to be burdened by depression, worry, anger, etc. They rob a person of their lives.

david in sc
Posted 5/21/2013 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
I'd like to thank the community for their support and comments on this thread. If it's done one thing, it's made me realize that my intermittent depression and edginess are not some freakish thing, but are experienced by others. That alone makes me feel better.
Posted 5/21/2013 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
definitely not some "freakish thing" donft. I believe that even those that don't technically suffer from any form of depression come out of treatment different and with a new perspective on life/longevity and all those things that can appear to make us depressed.
Posted 5/21/2013 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
donft,

I am so glad that you have come to realize that what you are going through happened to the majority of us. It is devastating news, it is hard to cope with, it is hard for our loved ones to cope with, especially our spouses who have compassion or not. I am in your same boat and so the road is lonely at times.

This site is amazing for brotherhood support. I was at the very low point you are in right now a couple of years ago and reached out to validate if what I was feeling was typical. Hence my tagname Devastated1. All I had to say at my cancer clinic was that I needed help, I was really down and the oncologist got right up made a phone call and had a counselor lined up to meet with me right after his appointment. So I did meet with the counselor, got some prescriptions, made many appointments, and made a difference.

If you are not in counseling, call right now and make a appointment, and get some medication changes, or new meds to help you and then get some counseling who knows what you are going through.

Also like Davidg said, please keep coming back, posting what you are going through and what you are feeling and ask for feedback. Please email me, give me your phone number and lets talk. I have walked the road you are walking down.

It will get better, the dark clouds, the cold rain and sleet in your face will abide. The clouds will depart and the the sunshine will return. It just takes time and professional assistance in addition to a support network like yiu already have here. I promise you, it does get better.

Please do not feel guilty about your statistics and prognosis. I am a G9, and I won't list all the other great stats that my biopsy and pathology reported. I have optimism and willing to fight and that is what is important.

We have to enjoy the jouney, no matter where it takes us. I am cheering you on, hoping the clouds lift and you can find some peace and happiness in the near future.

 

Posted 5/21/2013 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Donft,
It will take awhile, but you will make it..PC coupled with retirement at the same time can be hard to take..Stay active and do something good each day--Sonny's manta? I fought depression for many years with horrible continuous flashbacks so this (PC) I can handle easily--I think.
Bill
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