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Posted 5/26/2013 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
1st I want to thank all of you !

I need to tell me daughter (19) about my situation and I need advice on how to do it.
She is in the Navy in the South Pacific and in San Diego mostly.
She is a very strong person however I do have a VERY strong bond with her.
I am so worried that I may disrupt her life/career.
Posted 5/26/2013 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
Your daughter is younger than mine, she was 26 when I was dx, but we have always been tight and she's a real daddy's girl. I told her everything from day one, and she's one of my biggest supporters. Perhaps next time yours is home on leave, you could tell her in person.

david
Posted 5/26/2013 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
..Purgatory has good advice, but if she is away for to long perhaps a hand written letter stating the heart felt truth would do. I am sure she would call you as soon as she gets and reads it. I was taught by my Father that hand writing a letter is a very good way to communicate to those you love..

.........Nick..........
Posted 5/26/2013 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
nick, I agree with your dad, even in our high tech age, nothing replaces a well thought out hand written letter
Posted 5/26/2013 10:39 AM (GMT 0)
J- your stats 1 core positive and Gleason 6, correct? You are in an area of possible W.W./A.S. or even postponing treatment, could take casodex or proscar, etc. as another option while deciding. My brother had 1 core and Gleason 6 and low volume, no treatment and 9 yrs. now without apparently being being a mistake and looks safe still. One could monitor this awhile or even take drugs for short while and monitor and still choose options later, which is not widely mentioned.

Maybe define this disease in your letter to her, that it is very common to be found with low stats PCa as men age, some don't treat it and some do, some are cured, some aren't and die of heart disease and other normal things. You should be around a good long time or as some of the kids say 'forever' .
Posted 5/26/2013 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to HW,

My daughter was 19 when I was diagnosed, my son was 21. They coped okay, and I was able to explain just about everything invovled to both of them without any problems.

Given your geographic situation I think a letter sounds right.

It's basically difficult news however you break it, but if she has the strength of character to volunteer to serve I think you will find you have a daughter with the strenght to deal with this too.

Clearly it's a letter that needs to start the right way so that she knows she has to find a quiet place to read it and take it in.

But, if she phones you before the letter can get to her, then don't not tell her.

Alf
Posted 5/26/2013 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
Alf, everyone thanks again, Alf you made a great point.
Posted 5/26/2013 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Jalvarado:

Every family is different and what works for one will not work for all.  So, I'll just share what I did and what worked for us.  I also have a very strong bond with my daughter and she does not live near us.  I had a G7 cancer that was very treatable with a high liklihood of cure.

So, after I collected myself and understood that I was going to be ok I told her the next time we Skyped (well, really FaceTime on Apple).  She could see the confidence in my face, could ask questions and ended the conversation assured that the Old Man was still going to be around and in her life.  Given that you barely have cancer, this approach might work for you as well.

Jim

Posted 5/28/2013 8:39 AM (GMT 0)
Sykpe is a good suggestion. Seeing is better than hearing by phone or reading by letter as you can have a two way dialogue.

Your metrics are such that you have time on your side. Each of us is different on when we disclose to family, how much we want to have a roadmap to share, versus immediately disclosing the problem and indicating we are seeking advice from the professionals.
Posted 5/28/2013 10:33 AM (GMT 0)
I agree, the Sykpe way would be the best.  Most importantly, saying, "Things are very hopeful!"
Posted 5/28/2013 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
My advice is to try to understand your options first so you can share your plans, not your worries. You don't have to be committed to a single option: if you are trying to decide between, say, active surveillance and brachytherapy, tell her that. As long as she knows the problem is being worked she will worry less.
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