Would you stay with a top-rated doc who has a rotten bedside manner?

I want the best doctor I can find if I'm going to have treatment that requires expertise and skill. Frankly, if I have a 2-4 hour surgery I don't care about the personality, political beliefs, pro sport team affiliations that the doctor has.

Dentists usually put me off. Never had issues with other doctors/surgeons.

There is a joke in the medical community that some doctors are born to be surgeons because their patients have to be anesthetized to tolerate their bed side manner.

Urology is a peculiar surgical specialty in that urologists spend quite a bit of time with patients while those patients are conscious. Here on this forum we routinely advise one another to break that link -- to use our local urologists for routine matters and monitoring but to seek out very experienced, high-volume doctors for treatment when we are diagnosed. The high volume doctors do get better numbers so I suppose that's good. But I am not sure we have as clear a story about who does our follow-on care. We like to critique our doctor's bed-side-manner but it would be more to the point for us to work on our desk-side-manner as patients. We really need to do a better job of soothing the egos of our local urologists when we seek out high-volume expert doctors for treatments.

The answer will depend on your personality and what you are looking for. If you are looking for a relationship then a detached doctor is not for you. If you are simply looking for a transaction then it doesn't matter.
A close friend designed a program for a large call center that in just a couple of sentences could determine what type a person you were and directed your call to the CS rep that fit your needs. If you were social you were directed to a more social outgoing rep, and if you were just looking for a transaction without much interaction it would direct you to another CS rep.
There is also a difference in being detached versus rude. Unfortunately some some think that detachment is rude. I would never tolerate rudeness, and have only twice run into rude doctors; both were in the military. Got a navy commander, who was my doctor, relieved of duty. The other was an Army major in Japan who pissed me off so much, and because I couldn't get out of bed to punch him I threw a glass of water at him. An Air force bird colonel who witnessed the incidence told the major that if he reported it or ever came back into the ward he would personally see that his career was ended.
In short I would choose skill over personality, but would never tolerate rudeness.

My former name guy in NM and the SW might have a name but what a jerk. Two years ago my PSA jumped from 2.8 to 10.35 and when I asked him what that ment for my prognosis nd further Treatment all he did was leave the room and come back with an Rx for Casodex. No other info was volunteered and none was given when I asked him. I dropped him, after four years of his alpha supiority act I'd had it. I asked around the PRNs and they all suggested the same woman, Dr. La Russo. She might not have the rep. but she is full of info and is willing to share it. I believe in positivity and when I leave mt apps. with her I'm all jacked up with joy. Give me a qualified as well as referred onc over a name jerk anyway . . . Q

"We like to critique our doctor's bed-side-manner but it would be more to the point for us to work on our desk-side-manner as patients. We really need to do a better job of soothing the egos of our local urologists when we seek out high-volume expert doctors for treatments."

I disagree Peter. Physicians are supposed to be professionals and are they are being paid for their time and services. We, as patients, should relate to them professionally but should not have to grovel or stroke their egos on top of paying them.

I never had a Uro until I had an abnormal DRE on screening. At the medical college where I was screened I was referred to a physician's assistant in Urology who triages abnormal screening results. The PA turned out to be great and eventually did my biopsy too, but when I was first referred to him after the screening I was not too comfortable with not seeing an actual urologist so, in parallel, I made a 2nd appointment with one of the top-ranked urologists in the Milwaukee area who is known as the guy most doctors go to for their own care. I had to wait several weeks to see him and by the time I did I was actually seeing him with a PCa diagnosis because, in the mean time, I had already gone ahead and seen the PA at the medical college and had a biopsy.

Anyway, when I finally saw this urologist I expected, given his reputation, that he might have somewhat of a big ego but nothing could have been further from he truth. He was very open with his outcome metrics which were good but he really emphasized some of the negative outcomes he had in his first couple dozen RALP cases. Also, (although I was already thinking about it) without any suggestion by me, he encouraged me to seek another opinion / surgery at a national center of excellence if that appealed to me. Several weeks after my initial consult I followed through with an eMRI he ordered and when he called me with the results I told him I had decided on open surgery at Hopkins. His reaction was to exclaim "Good for you!" and he sounded very sincere. Needless to say, he is the urologist I intend to see for all of my future care...

There's no excuse for rudeness, no matter how expert a physician is. Surgeons are notorious for having abrasive personalities. Because they have to work as members of a team with others in the OR and elsewhere, bad behavior is not tolerated. I've also heard a number of stories over the years about patients who were jerks, which is unacceptable. That said, there are jerks everywhere and in every profession. The best way to deal with them is avoid them or ignore them if possible. Expecting that they will change is sheer dreaming.

"Don't be that guy"

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Yup. Agree with Mel. Dr. Lam is top notch. and the big U of Chicago guy got fired because he told us to stop reading so much!

Good thread but the weekend beckons so long for now.

Jim and Marie

Disgusted with excessive wait time, lack of response, and the practice's general disregard of customer service. In the process of choosing another urologist now. Mike

I was fortunate to have a top notch surgeon who had a great bedside manner. Even though he is extremely busy, when he meets me, I feel he really knows my case and I am not just another number. He has my chart and refers to it but tells me things that are unique to my case.
His office could use some improvement but I don't think they can keep up with his volmne.

My wife fired her doctor, we found another surgeon for her that was a prince. He was a high volumne heart surgeon but was great with her and consoled me before and after the surgery last November.

It is your body, I think there are enough "good guys" out there to keep looking for the right one for you that will also do a terrific job.

Bill from Florida

I remember when Ron and I went to another doctor for a second opinion on treatment.  I had all my notes, and as he was talking with us, I check things off my list.  He made the comment, "Well, we'll see you again on Tuesday" and started to leave.  I said, "wait a minute doctor, please.  I have three more questions on my list."  He looked at me, smiled, and said, "Go on..."

Ron is funny and ends up talking sports with every single doctor (even the females).  I am the more sensitive type and when I encountered a rude doctor, I told him I was unhappy with his behavior.  Sensitive and assertive. 

Responding to my (quoted) comment, njs said...
"We like to critique our doctor's bed-side-manner but it would be more to the point for us to work on our desk-side-manner as patients. We really need to do a better job of soothing the egos of our local urologists when we seek out high-volume expert doctors for treatments."

I disagree Peter. Physicians are supposed to be professionals and are they are being paid for their time and services. We, as patients, should relate to them professionally but should not have to grovel or stroke their egos on top of paying them.

I had wandered a bit off topic, I guess. The main topic was rude doctors, and how willing one should be to put up with abrasive personalities in doctors who we believe to have superior skills. It seems to be the consensus that we will put up with some irritations to work with higher-skilled doctors -- but there are limits. Doctors should be professionals and they should behave as such. Fair enough.

But there is another side to the picture that we should bear in mind. Men who are dealing with prostate cancer are under a lot of stress and can have anger issues. I know I did, from time to time. It's worth bearing in mind that patients can be pains in the tookus too. I was specifically talking about the problem that many of us here on this forum present to our local urologists. We are on-again / off-again patients who come in for routine care and minor problems but disappear from time to time, only to return a few months later, covered with bandages and radiation burns and with great gaping rents in our paperwork and our medical records that we expect our local doctors to magically and instantly repair.

So we should expect our doctors to behave as professionals. But they should also expect us to treat them as such.

My surgeon is the most experience davinci guy in the San Diego area. I wouldn't call him rude, but you have to pry information out of him with a crowbar. In deciding on radiology vs. surgery, the radiologist was incredible, spending an hour with us. He provided answers to questions I had not even thought of. The surgeon was about a 10 minute consult. Both my wife and I had the same impression - that he seemed exhausted.
I asked for an update after the surgery, even if it were a brief phone call to the hospital room. Got nothing. My sense is that he is practicing "factory medicine," running two surgeries per day. He's not a bad guy. When I confronted him professionally with my impressions, he admitted that they were valid. Having said that, I STILL don't know if there was any nerve sparing, as it isn't in his notes. I just deal with my regular urologist now.