Beejane said...
Thank you for writing so honestly. It's hard to see into someone's soul...it leaves a mark on your own.
Have you read Barbara Ehrenreich's book, "Bright Sided". She's a breast cancer survivor who failed to see the bright side of her disease. Here's a brief blurb:
"Ehrenreich explores this world in various ways. She touches on the crass consumerism of the “pink ribbon culture” (you would not believe some of the products that are being pinked and sold in the name of breast cancer research). She explains the prevailing mindset that being positive will help you feel better and even cure you more quickly (mind over matter). She then proceeds to debunk this long-standing myth with the relevant psychological studies; previous studies declaring a link between positive thinking and cancer survival are replete with problems and have been discounted by most researchers.
And she goes one step further, proposing that this culture of positivity may in some cases make women feel worse. If they don’t feel positively about their cancer, if they are in fact scared, sad, and angry, they are made to feel guilty and ashamed for feeling the wrong way. The patient is left to feel that since they have negative thoughts, they must be partly to blame for their illness.
Why do Americans discount reality, facts, and science in favour of magical thinking? Ehrenreich takes us through the history and reach of the positive-thinking movement."
So, the Todd I know (not that well) has every right to rage and fall into the depths of despair. You'll get up again, but you should be allowed to express every negative feeling you have without remorse. It's not going to make one bit of difference in what the future holds. If positive thinking helped, my first husband would still be alive. So go ahead. Express yourself and have a pity party. Then go hug your wife. Someday, she will remember those hugs, and not the size of your penis.
Beejane,
That pressure/guilt is a real issue for some of us. I've felt that very deeply, especially early on; that there was essentially no one with whom I could discuss how I was *really* feeling. I made a thread about
that back in June before my RT even started. A number of people responded:
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=2751318Todd, your blog is so honest, and so
open, it seems to validate some of those feelings and lets one know one is not alone in them. It seems difficult to address and cope with them if we just put on a brave face and deny them.