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Brother in law - Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer

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Posted 1/21/2014 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
My wife's youngest brother (50 years old) was found today to have Stage IV pancreatic cancer. He had intestinal blockage, ended up in the emergency room, admitted, and had surgery today. They fixed the blocked section, but just closed him back up after finding extensive spreading of the pancreatic cancer. He hasn't even been told yet, pending the doctors meeting with him tomorrow. He lives in another state, so we really can't readily get there to see him.

This is affecting me much more than I expected. We've never been close (he's been kind of a family black sheep), but as a fellow human this tears my heart. He was terrified going into the surgery, and I can only imagine his reaction upon them telling him the findings. I've known him a long time, and it's really tough to think of him facing this situation. The impact of this cancer is just so immediate and powerful, it makes a lot of the things we face with prostate cancer kind of pale in comparison.

This just seems to be hitting too close to home, I guess. I'm not sure I can say anything to him that would be helpful, but I may get to see him next week. In an unusual gesture, he reached out to be supportive to his sister (my wife) during my diagnosis and treatment last year. Sorry, my thoughts are rambling.

Cancer sucks, and some cancers suck worse than others. Feeling pretty sad tonight.....
Posted 1/21/2014 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Red,

So sorry to hear this news about your wife's brother. We do tend to complain about some small stuff with prostate cancer.

I will be thinking about him and your family.

Jerry
Posted 1/21/2014 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Sad and distressing news. Cancer does suck. It does seem to hit you harder once you've gone through it yourself.

Hopefully you'll be able to provide him some support.

You're both in my prayers.

Andrew
Posted 1/21/2014 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
By coincidence, I went to a funeral today for a close friend who died of pancreatic cancer at 64. I felt very sad, and very lucky.
Posted 1/21/2014 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
Jerry and Connie,

Your family is in our prayers,

Jack and Lee
Posted 1/21/2014 1:33 AM (GMT 0)
Redwing,

Can't say anything, except I am so sorry to hear of such tragic news. Feel bad for the guy when he is told the news, as little, if anything can be done, except to make him as comfortable as possible in the weeks and hopefully months ahead.

Cancer of any form sucks, its sucks the life out of people. And it hits the just and unjust equally, plays no favorites.

Here for you,

David
Posted 1/21/2014 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
it seems like it's happening all around me these days, but that's really because I have the blinders off and I "get it" now.

ed
Posted 1/21/2014 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
Redwing,

Sorry to hear the news about your brother-in-law. He will be on my prayer list.

Bill from Florida cool
Posted 1/21/2014 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Redwing,

Very sorry to hear the sad news of your brother-in-law. I know he'll find comfort in what ever you have to say.

You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Dave in Bartlett, TN
Posted 1/21/2014 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
His gesture to reach out for you means he considers that important. I would return that. Find something useful to do for him, requested or not.

I can't begin to say how many people made empty offers to me, and when I needed something, there was an excuse. Those who really cared just showed up with something I could keep in the freezer, or called to find out when the next appointment was, and were sitting at the door when it came time.

The worst were those who told me to "man up", and that I needed to be going to see Bro. Whatshisname next Sunday.
Posted 1/21/2014 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Jerry and Connie, Man that just sucks. We are so sorry. You guys will be in our prayers. T and A
Posted 1/21/2014 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear about your brother in law. I didn't notice any rambling but even if you did, that's what we are here for! Best wishes during this trying time.
Posted 1/21/2014 3:07 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much everyone. This community understands these situations probably better than anyone, and we appreciate your support. Y'all are quite special to us.
Posted 1/21/2014 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry to hear about your BIL. Once you have had cancer it changes the way you look at many things...sometimes we feel sorry for ourselves then.... we see others in worse shape..... I remember something about " l I felt bad cause I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet. It is all relative.
Posted 1/21/2014 4:02 AM (GMT 0)
Jerry and Connie, I saw the posting at rehearsal tonight and told Roger. My heart is very heavy for you guys know that Pat and I will keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers.

Jerry you will find the strength to be able to support him.

Cajun Jeff
Posted 1/21/2014 4:07 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and his family.
SC
Posted 1/21/2014 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear such difficult news. Our thoughts and prayers will be with your brother in law and all of the family as you support him in the coming weeks and months ahead. God Speed

Swim
Posted 1/21/2014 5:35 AM (GMT 0)
Redwing
So sorry to hear this - thank you for sharing. Heart wrenching news.
I hope your brother in law finds the strength to take his diagnosis head on and make the best of the awful news. Positive thoughts are going out to you and your family.
Best,
Posted 1/21/2014 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
sending prayers your way.
Posted 1/21/2014 4:09 PM (GMT 0)
Redwing:

I'm very sorry to read this.

Thinking of you and your B-I-L

Mel

Posted 1/21/2014 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
Jerry And Connie,
Jeff told be last night of your posting but I wasn't able to respond as quickly as he.
My goodness, this is terrible news! Theresa's brother died with pancreatic cancer so we have travel that road and it is not one we would recommend for anyone.
Our prayers are with your brother-in-law and with y'all.
Raj
Posted 1/21/2014 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks again everyone, and even the rarely-posting bayou jackal! It means a lot.

The doctor met with Bob today, and fortunately the doc had wonderful bedside manner. He told him what they'd done, and rather immediately talked about treatment possibilities. He was honest, saying, "We're not talking years here.". But the focus is on the treatment, not the problem (sounds like our recent "concern" vs "worry" discussions).

Bob took it fairly well, which was by no means certain. It's likely he'll have some form of chemo to help control tumor growth, palliative but not curative. They'll start that in something like 4 weeks, after he's had a chance to heal up from the surgery (he has an incision from sternum to belly button).

I think a lot of us benefit from focusing on the treatment, not the problem. That seems like a good mindset.
Posted 1/22/2014 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
Unfortunately, my cousin's husband is facing a similar situation.  Pancreatic cancer...can't operate because it's too close to some major arteries.  He's just started chemo as they try to shrink the tumor.  I agree with you.  It puts things in perspective when you're thinking about your own cancer.  Stupid disease.  I'll be thinking about both of them tonight.
Posted 1/22/2014 12:34 AM (GMT 0)
Just a crushing thing to read. I can't imagine what is going through Bob's mind as well as the entire family.

The quote about the man with no shoes being disappointed until he saw the man with no feet. Wow. Perspective. We have ED. Yeah, not a great thing, but has nothing to do with really living as much as it is nice to be able to have use.

Hoping for a miracle...always do. Who knows what advance will come in the time they're keeping him going as long as they can?
Posted 1/22/2014 3:31 AM (GMT 0)
darn it I hate cancer.


Sorry to hear the bad news.
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