Anxiety

I wrote this as a response to Pratoman's "Mindgame" thread, but as I wrote I realized it was about my own mental state and I didn't want to hijack Prat's thread. So here's what I thought I was writing to Prat, but which is really about me.

If I'm totally honest with myself, which I'm often not, I can't tell you not to worry about any of it--at least a little bit-- maybe, from time to time. I've been dealing with PCa since 2002-- not to mention Vietnam in '68, and way-too-fast cars that took out some of my friends in the early '60s when we were young and stupid. So this ain't my first rodeo. I'm good at compartmentalizing the noise in my head and keeping my cool. But I'll admit that even I sometimes have anxiety. At the moment, I'm sweating out my next PSA test. Normally these roll off my back -- I hardly think about them until they are due and try to hide test dates from my wife, knowing she worries enough for both of us. But since a tiny uptick in October I've been counting the days to my next test in late January and it seems like it is taking forever for the day to come. I'm a '50s kind of guy -- don't let them see me sweat. But I bet even James Dean would lay awake occasionally if he had lived long enough to deal with the long-term uncertainties of PCa.

I don't think there are any of us who don't worry sometimes, especially when we are nearing medical anniversary dates or possible tipping points.

Jim

Go get the test now and you will be done with it. I refer you to my reply to Miki's husband and continence. Same goes for "no psa anxiety"…... Bahh Humbug!!!!

I guess a major task on everyone's "To Do" list, once we are diagnosed, is to learn to handle anxiety better, or learn to live in the moment, I guess.

Thanks for the replies. I'll hack the wait for a few more weeks. I see my uro twice a year but I also have an annual visit with my RO, which is coming up Jan 30. I figure I'll go for the blood test the week of Jan 19. These days I can get results online a couple of days after they stick me, so I should have results by Jan 21 or 22 or so.

My "meditative technique" is probably pretty much the same as InTheShop's. I don't know what you build, but I make guitars, ukuleles, and sometimes obscure instruments no longer in fashion - ever hear of a mandolinetto? I'm working now on an 8-string tenor ukulele for myself (they usually have 4 strings), which is a good way to employ my OCD inclinations as a distraction. I started making the body, back, and sides of Hawaiian Koa wood. But then decided I want to design and trim this in an Art Deco style, so last week I started a new body in highly-figured Oregon myrtle because the whiter wood will work better with ebony and mother-of-pearl trim. I'm right now obsessing at my desk about the shape and inlay design of the headstock so it will have a retro art deco look that will also work with the 8 tuning pegs. My goal is kind of a miniature version of a dance floor from a black and white Fred Astaire movie--from back in the days when the sets were designed for black and white filming.

So with luck I'll have enough else to obsess about for a few more weeks.

Jim

Mindfulness - I had skimmed a couple articles on this recently... Then Sixty Minutes did a story on it... Now I'm trying to practice it...

"Live in the Present."

I can easily let my mind drift towards future events that may or may not happen... I can easily get myself worked up over nothing...

I butted heads with a co-worker... I started dreading the phone call from the boss knowing how down right rude she can get.. Then I started living in the present.. I was here...and I wasn't talking with the boss... She hasn't and never did call...

Course, kissing and making up with the co-worker was a good idea too.