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How to support my Dad?

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Prostate Cancer
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Posted 3/6/2015 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, I'm new to this and any type of chat/forum. This seemed like the best place to get answers.

My father has been in wait and watch mode for a long time with little change in his PSA's aside for small fluctuations. His PSA's have now gone up and he has opted for radiation which will be scheduled soon. I believe it'll be 8 weeks of therapy. My Dad is a very active 78 year old with a long time girlfriend who is a former nurse. He's retired and spends his days running, biking and hiking. I'm very concerned about how he will mentally handle any physical limitations...short and long term.

He lives in a different state and I want to do all I can to support him so I'm hoping for some insight as to what support you may have received (or provided) that really helped. I don't want to overstep boundaries, as a rule he has always been resistant to any type of worry or doting on him. He didn't even tell us he had prostate cancer until a few years after it was diagnosed. That said here are my specific questions:

He seems a little resistant to me coming to help him during treatment. Should I just let him guide me here?? I know he has his girlfriend (not live in) and maybe having me there too would be too much or cause him embarrassment which I do not want to do.

Care package? I'd like to send him a package with some useful items that would help him once therapy starts. Ideas?

Thank you for any guidance you can provide.
Posted 3/6/2015 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Sorry you have to be here, glad you found us.

I had the 40 radiation fractions. Turned out to be just an endurance contest. For the most part, just needs to watch his diet. Don't eat things with seeds or skins. Have his bladder fairly full and rectum empty during the treatment. Also my RO said keep Imodium handy in a pill box in his pocket. At his age I think he is making a good choice. Good luck and I am sure he will do fine.

We are all wishing him the best.

Carl
Posted 3/6/2015 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Encourage him to exercise vigorously throughout - it helps with the treatment and helps fight radiation-induced fatigue. It's the last thing he'll feel like doing, but the first thing he should be doing for himself. If you want to send him something - a certificate for sessions with a trainer at the gym or a new pair of running shoes.

- Allen
Posted 3/6/2015 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to HW, sorry you need to be here.

You're dad's going to be just fine. The treatments aren't as bad as you think they are. Mostly it's just a daily grind to drive there, undress, lay still for 15 minutes, dress and drive home. A hour or two lost every day. Mentally it can be a drag. He won't need much help as long as he can get there and back on his own.

What you can do the most is to try and be as 'normal' as possible. Keep up your regular communications and whatever you normally do with your father.

As to a care package, maybe a few of his favorite food treats and I'd include warm socks. Seriously, during the RT you have to wear the hospital gown that's open in the back and things can get drafty moving around. All you get to wear is socks so I valued the nice wooly warm socks my wife got me. If he's got a sense of humor you could do a playful gift like a care bear blanket (my friends got me a Kermit the Frog blanket) or whatever 'in' joke you two might have. Also the ladies at my church knitted me a prayer shawl - the thought was greatly appreciated.

He might be resistant to you coming out now, but some of us get fatigue really bad towards the end so he might change his mind later - be flexible to his needs. Also I found that towards the end of treatment I started asking my wife to drive me there and back as I needed the moral support to keep going.

I know it's difficult when you're not close by.
Ask any other questions you have, we're here most days,

Andrew
Posted 3/7/2015 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Gentlemen, thank you very much for taking the time to respond! I feel so encouraged reading your comments.

Good to know that exercise is beneficial and encouraged, I was worried he'd be pushing himself out there too soon. As I mentioned that's really what he's all about...even on his worst days he's out there so I have no doubt he will doing what he can throughout this.

Andrew thank you for the suggestions, I'll definitely include a few pairs of warm socks (perhaps let his grandchildren pick out a few fun colors) and his favorite snacks. A few weeks into treatment I think I'll have his favorite local pizza from our area shipped there as well.



Wishing you all continued health,
Tina
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