Musings 2 days from surgery.

Some of these comments are just venting but perhaps putting my thoughts down will help keep them from bouncing around in my head.

Heartwarming: I found the genuine response of concern from some people surprising. Some colleagues even brought me little gifts which I found very touching.

Surprising: It's funny, some of the people I thought would be very concerned seem rather oblivious and some people from whom I didn't expect it from seem very concerned.

Frustrating: Born-agains who come up to me and tell me that "I have to find the lord" and "accept Jesus into my heart" and won't let it go. I had 2 colleagues who individually took on this duty and I occasionally have to deal with comments along these lines from my mother. I have my own well-thought out spiritual beliefs but for some people anything other than their way is unacceptable. I know they mean well so I try to remain polite but such exchanges inevitably result in a bitter taste in both our mouths. Not the way I wanted to leave off with some friends.

Appreciated: Those who come up to me and say, "I'm a Christian and I'll pray for you". (A couple of others fell in this camp.) This is a way to express your spirituality without judgement.

Current mood: I don't feel very anxious about the surgery. Instead I feel an immense sadness. These are the last couple of days of life as I know it. This is a procedure that will impact my sexuality and urinary function, at least to some degree. I know that many of you have been through much worse so I shouldn't overdo the self-pity but it's still difficult not to feel sad when facing a major life change such as this.

Balancing act: While I would like to fully concentrate on my own illness there are still family issues to deal with, especially when I have an elderly mother and a sixteen-year-old daughter.

Aggravating: Unfortunately, with lower-grade prostate cancer, you can never be totally sure that you're doing the right thing. Maybe I would live just as long by leaving it and could have had a better quality of life. Despite my research, maybe my decision is wrong and another procedure would have been better. All you can do is make the best decision from the information available and live with it.

Feeling fortunate: To have a caring wife, a good surgeon, live in a country with a good health-care system and work at a job that offers good leave provisions and benefits. I've heard of some who had to go back to work while the catheter was still in, so I have to take stock of how fortunate I am in this regard.

Philosophy that is helping me: I've come to believe that the purpose of our life on this earth is to learn from experiences. Now most people take that as positive experiences such as fulfilling your bucket list, living lift to it's fullest, etc. That is part of it. But you can't only learn from positive experiences, you don't fully grow until you face the challenge of some negative ones as well. It's all part of the journey.

Encouraging words. Thanks Pratoman.

I'm a few days short of 4 weeks since surgery, and I have a 0.1 PSA, I'm calling myself 95% continent, and ED is a non-issue (drug free). I bought lotto tickets today.

Dreamer, I had many of those same thoughts. My primary feeling that morning, walking from the parking garage to the surgery check-in desk was relief. All the waiting and preparing and planning and and and was over.

See you on the other side.

Great post.
You're going to do just fine.

Andrew

you said...
Balancing act:

I know what you mean by that. I had two elderly parents to care for when I was having surgery. It just seems that something kicks in and helps us through these tough times. And the Feeling Fortunate part could not have been stated better than you did. You will do great my friend!

DB,

There is always hope! Almost 18 months later cancer, continence and at last ED are things of the past!

Dont worry too much about those well meaning Christians -- I'm one as well. However, Ive not plugged enough courage as yet to ask my Bishop if mast-urbation is a sin, since I've to do it for medical reasons.

All the best with the op and I hope for a speedy recovery.

I'll put a "gold star" next to your name on my prayer list!

Take care!

You guys are great!

Thanks for the responses - they've picked me up.

Dreamerboy said...
..Current mood: I don't feel very anxious about the surgery. Instead I feel an immense sadness. These are the last couple of days of life as I know it. This is a procedure that will impact my sexuality and urinary function, at least to some degree. I know that many of you have been through much worse so I shouldn't overdo the self-pity but it's still difficult not to feel sad when facing a major life change such as this...

I generally don't like to tell people I know how you feel, but in this case I know exactly how you feel as I went through the same emotional roller coaster. I was counting down the days I had left of normal sexual relations, normal continence, etc. My poor wife had to put up my weeks-long pity party but she was understanding and encouraging.

So after assuming the worst, the cataclysmic event of surgery finally happened and I was relieved to be moving on (whatever that meant.)

A few days after surgery I had that tingling feeling that is associated with a nocturnal erection and this was with my catheter in! What?! When we pulled the catheter I was immediately continent. What?! So all of my assumptions were wrong - what a blessing. I think I have a lot of work to do with getting little willie more or less back to normal but I'm thrilled post-surgery.

Lots of people were praying for me (including me) and I deeply appreciated that as I believe they do work.

I think next time I post I will be on the other side. Thank you all for your comments - You have helped me accept the situation to the best of my abilities. I think all the helpful responses in this thread show the best side of the forum.

À la prochaine.

So, a few tips for the other side:

Drink lots of water.

Don't swear at the nurses when they try to get you up to take a walk. Walking will make you feel better... eventually.

Remember that the really good drugs are constipating and stool softeners are your friends.

Good luck.

Looking forward to hearing from you on the other side.