Regrets?

A comment in Paxton's thread made me start thinking about what I regret the most in my journey. And I wondered if it might be useful for newcomers to this place to hear of some of our regrets.

In my case, I have no regrets about my treatment choice, nor about the path I took to arrive at that choice. I'm afraid that my one regret is something that I probably couldn't control, due to my personality. On the other hand, maybe it's worth thinking about whether I could have controlled it. (Listen closely, new guys)

I was diagnosed the first week of November 2014, a few days after my 64th birthday. From that time, through surgery day, January 6th 2015, and even beyond for the first few months post surgery, my life was a blur. I was panicked, then totally depressed, and intensely focused on the fact that I had cancer, and on my own mortality. I couldn't really think, or talk about, much of anything else, unless I was around my kids, when I forced myself to do so.

So I lost about 4 months of my life, that I can never get back. Now that I've been through this, and a few other issues, I realize how precious those four months were.
I regret that I allowed that to happen.

Just to add a positive, I took so much good away from my experience, my appreciation for life, my ability to control stress over stupid little things, and I've me a great bunch of people here, many in person. And I have been able to help others behind me, which makes me feel good.

So it's not all bad. But still, I should have taken control of this, not been controlled by it.

Post Edited (Pratoman) : 9/16/2016 3:28:58 PM (GMT-6)

Great topic!

Regrets are really common amongst men diagnosed with favorable-risk prostate cancer. First of all, you can find psychological studies all over the place making mention of this, but closer to home, here at HW/PC, if you simply enter these three words (without the quote marks) "prostate cancer regrets" into the site's search bar, you will find pages of threads already addressing this topic.

It's an important topic for newcomers considering aggressive treatments to consider early in their journey.

Prat,

I remember that this all happened during my November break, so I missed much of your reaction. But I do remember your saying that you were temperamentally unable to do anything but rush to treatment. I probably suggested Mindfulness, as I usually do, but as I recall (and I may be totally off - forgive me if I misremember), you believed your anxiety was non-controllable.

It is easy with hindsight to have regrets, and to think about how you should have acted, but I think you acted the only way you could have at the time. I hope you go easy on yourself, and maybe laugh a little at how you were then.

Still, I think "Slow it down!" should be the motto over the gate to this forum, and your advice to others is good advice.

I regret not getting my PSA checked from age 50 to age 54. That window may have caught my G9 developing sooner. However, my PSA even at late 54 was only 4.1, so prior readings would only have indicated a trend to consider.

After a 5.0 PSA scare from a routine physical at age 45, 3 negative biopsies, and then a declining PSA to <2 over a couple years lulled me into a type of complacency. PSA tests were being criticized, so I figured I'd let it go until I was 55 and check it again. That approach probably missed my developing G9, letting it go long enough to become a locally advanced situation. Barely, but the MRI said it was.

Tall Allen said...
Prat,

I remember that this all happened during my November break, so I missed much of your reaction. But I do remember your saying that you were temperamentally unable to do anything but rush to treatment. I probably suggested Mindfulness, as I usually do, but as I recall (and I may be totally off - forgive me if I misremember), you believed your anxiety was non-controllable.

It is easy with hindsight to have regrets, and to think about how you should have acted, but I think you acted the only way you could have at the time. I hope you go easy on yourself, and maybe laugh a little at how you were then.

Still, I think "Slow it down!" should be the motto over the gate to this forum, and your advice to others is good advice.

Allen, yes, you were on a writing break. I remember distinctly. I could definitely said that, but while I had treatment 8 weeks after diagnosis, I never considered it a rush to treatment, because in that 8 weeks I had a ton of consultations with SBRT Doc, another RO in addition to surgeon. I did a lot of reading and felt like I made a well informed decision.

I do remember though that I felt out of control mentally, and yes you did bring up mindfullness to me, which resulted in me getting the ZAhn book and tapes. I tried. It was beyond my scope LOL. But you made me aware that there are ways to control, and I ultimately came to understand that and it helped. So thanks.

I don't beat myself up over this regret of being off the wall. It happened, I can't change it. I like to think I grew from the experience.

And yup, go slow should be the password at the HW PC Gate.
Thanks for all of your help, the mindfullness suggestion, and the emails that helped me slow down.

Silly one...regrets was reference "I did it my way"...keep up... Im so many steps ahead of ya ...in a circular universe...I m ready for another lap...Next......

Saw a great quote which may often be related to PC "regrets":

A decision made in haste sometimes takes a long time to own up to.

Pratoman - As a newbie, I applaud your honesty and that of all the others posting in this thread. I can already look back to my 2 1/2 months since diagnosis and see that I have "lost" some of that time. I don't yet regret it, as in my case I think it may also have been a defense mechanism, trying to protect my fragile emotional state as I began my research. I was (and still am) one of the lucky ones - I have a relatively favorable pathology report, and I found this site early in my panic.

I am just now beginning to settle down, having done a lot of research and learning, and having chosen my treatment path. That, to me, is a major accomplishment, and I think it contributes in a major way to my present, more stable and normal, emotional state. I know there are some unknowns ahead, but I am so much better prepared to deal with them having all of the men here to act as mentors and guides.

Thank you.

I don't regret my research. I put a year into this. (although in hindsight, I could not have made a worse tx choice. throw a dart. it'd been better).

What I regret is my decision to go local. I hoped I could "slip through". I underestimated the difficulty of this surgery. I believe I also underestimated what's at stake. I like baseball analogies. In baseball...if you strike out, in 3 or 4 innings, you'll be back at the plate swingin' again. Not so with primary tx for PCa. One time at bat. That's it. One chance to help your team.

And to be honest? I'm still processin' where I went wrong and how everything that went wrong could have gone wrong. The odds of all of this happening to one patient must be in the 1 tenth of one percentile range. That's not me feeling sorry for myself. I believe those odds would be close. (but that's not to say I don't feel sorry for myself lol)

Good topic

Regrets are useless in life. I made the decision to have surgery and thats that. No need in torturing myself by thinking about what could have been.

I regret I didn't have 68Ga psma petct after surgery.My SRT was a total disaster! After 2 cycles of IHT I finally decided
to do the scan .They found cancer in prostate fossa(seminal vesicles) and a lesion in L3.NO LYMPH NODE UPTAKE.
It should be a MUST for everyone to have a 68GA PSMA PETCT after a primary therapy followed by recurrence.
My PSA was 0.28 and all the other scans were clear(CT,MRI,BONE SCAN.....)
User name changed to Darie!

Post Edited (Alinur) : 9/18/2016 4:41:04 AM (GMT-6)

So "bolo" what is the Paul Anka reference ?

I can answer Sheepguys question directed at Bolidat about the reference to Paul Anka. The song "I did it my way", which was sung by Frank Sinatra was actually written by Paul Anka. It has lines in it like

"Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention,
I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption..." etc.

The words that Bolidad quoted in his previous post just a few above this post were from a different song. This song was "Teach your Children well" lyrics by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

cheers.

PS. It's nice not to be posting about PC for once.

ooops... had to edit as I found some spelling errors. (Old teachers NEVER retire).

Post Edited (yaamba) : 9/17/2016 6:27:02 PM (GMT-6)