My thoughts

Todd, I just read your newest blog posting. For reasons different than yours, I can relate to much of what you've experienced. I feel it, too. I just don't know if I can find a way to discuss it with my wonderful wife of 37 years. We both know the issues, but like that 600-pound gorilla in the room, nobody ever talks about it. I don't know what I would say, either.

You've started my thoughts to churning, though. Thank you for helping that along. All I have to do is figure out how to use those thoughts to make something good come of them.

Your openness and ability to express deep feelings are a rare gift. You bring out things that we don't even want to think about within ourselves. I think that's a primary reason we appreciate your blog posts so much.

The elimination of testosterone is catastrophic to our male psyche. It's even considered "cruel and inhuman punishment" in the opinion of the ACLU if done against one's will. To have to choose it for medical reasons is a fearful decision.

Being at a different life stage, my wife is dealing with similar hormonal issues for natural reasons. My lowered libido put us more on the same page. We value deeply our emotional intimacy, our shared history, the special moments, the inside jokes, the running gags we have developed in our 35 years together. Physical intimacy now consists more of the banked embers of past fires, than the bright flickering flames of passion. We're happy enjoying our time together, even though it has changed over the years.

Our situation is kind of reversed from yours now. My interest has recovered with my testosterone level, but hers has no chance. I fully understand how she feels, as I was the same for my 3 years on ADT. There's no emotional issue from it, I harbor no ill feelings or particular frustration. She is where she is, and I'm where I am. If and when I go back on ADT, we'll just be on the same page again.

Thanks for your thoughts, Todd.

Todd:

Excellent post.
Like Redwing, my wife and I are on the same page.

Next year will be our 42nd annversary. There is a great feeling of joy and satisfaction with that. These days, it seems fewer couples truly know what it means to take the vows seriously!

Mel

Hey, Todd,

I just read your blog. As a wife dealing with the same things that Mandy is dealing with, I can say that my sadness stems more from knowing what this is doing to Randy's thoughts about himself. I miss the intimacy, but I know it's not waning interest. It hurts me that he wants to want, but just can't. It makes him feel less than he is, and that's horrifying to me. He is, simply, the love of my life and nothing else matters as long as he's with me.

Could be that your wife knows how hard this is on you, and her sadness stems from that.

Donna