Please help me, I need a man's advice..wonder if anyone experienced this before..

I am very familiar with you all as I have been posting my dad's struggle with prostate cancer here since 2009.I need your help with another matter(I posted here originally and I can't find my post)...

My husband has lost all his libido and I don't know how or why!!!! It's been three years (and just recently I started to try to figure out what actually is going on). Before he made all types of excuses and I naivelly believed them. Now, finally after being on vacation for 5 days on a beautiful island with no kids just me and him and him not initiating anything I realized this problem is not going anywhere unless we try to fix it.

Okay so my husband and I have been married for 4 years and the first year everything was beautiful until I got pregnant (the second year of marriage) and for medical reasons we stopped having intercourse throughout my pregnancy. And that was it. Since then he as not ONCE initiated, and when I initiate I get turned down.

I really don't know what the problem is other than he tells me he just doesn't think of sex anymore. Everytime I try to initiate either he has a headache, a cold, too tired, etc. It is really hurting me and I don't know how much I can put up with this any longer.

Other then the little fights here and there that every marriage goes through, we have a beautiful marriage. He is very affectionate otherwise and a great husband and father. After much arguing he finally agreed to go see a doctor and get some blood tests done. The only worrying thing for me is the doctor said he doubts this is medical but believes it is more psychological...and if that is the case I don't know if it can ever be resolved.


I am hoping since you are all men and tend to be older in age that you have enough experience in life to know if this is a normal thing or not. Normal meaning it can happen for a number of years and libido bounces back, or I don't know, just anyone I can talk to about this would be great. As you can imagine I can't share this with anyone else, it is way too personal and I love him way too much to put such details of our marriage out there. I am just so depressed I feel like this going to be my life and I am only 35 years old

While this may be psychological in nature, the psychological issue may be caused by a physical one. I say "may" because I don't know your hubby, nor am I a doctor. What I am wondering is whether he has been having erectile issues, which then so damaged his self-confidence, that he is no longer willing to try. If he has had any history of erectile failure, he may be so demoralized that he is not willing to try anymore.

If this could be true, then maybe he needs a good check-over. Maybe first by your GP or internist, but if that doesn't find a cause, maybe by a urologist who can check out all of the appropriate blood tests and do a more specific physical exam/interview.

So yes, it may be in his mind, but his mind may have been trained to be that way because of past physical issues. Check it out.

What a shame you have that problem. Like others have said, suggest he gets a check up from an internist. Assuming the two of you have an open line of communication, explain your concerns. Couple counseling may be the answer.

Don't let the issue stay in the background. My first wife and I had issues with sexuality. We never faced up to them, and although that wasn't the only reason we divorced, it was one factor.

Best of luck.

Just another thought for you: If your husband won't do anything or agree to counseling, then you should see a counselor on your own. That person can help you deal with it and may have suggestions on approaching your husband.

There is all kinds of help out there for someone like you.

Have hubby's testosterone measured, perhaps it's really low.

Sometimes men lose sexual desire after seeing childbirth.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2225936/A-husband-confesses-Seeing-wife-birth-sex-YEAR.html

You have stated that you have a problem. It has been suggested that you seek counseling on your own. You should do that. This forum is not the appropriate place to resolve your issue.

me neither...but definetly get trailguy's concern...it is for her...not the forums...it may not be in her/their bests interest if her mate is not aware of thread....ich mach nix...the thread exists...she has enough info at this point to help resolve their issues one way or the other...and move forward...moving forward is operative....I am...on this thread....no guilt...no shame...she wanted help...she moved on that...good for her....Godspeed...if I may use a common verb of hope...

Could be any number of issues, from physical to emotional, a combination of both, or it could be he's using P-O-R-N on a regular basis, or it could be affair related worst case. The causes can run the gamut. I used to post a lot over on the Marriagebuilders forum here:

forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=8&page=1

That's a good place to start for these types of issues and you'll most likely get better advice over there and find more people in your particular situation as well. The MB system is a good way to take stock of your current relationship and see where improvements needs to be made with respect to meeting emotional needs. Happy hunting.

I wasn't gonna go there with all the reasons...but since you asked...quite frankly he could be...