"Death of an Unloved One" (Article): the feelings that come out when a toxic relative dies

Interesting article about the way a person may feel upon the death of a relative who in life was a "toxic" individual in one or more ways.

Perhaps some of us have had the (often considerable) challenge of having, and having to deal with, such a relative. One who could only be described as crabby, confrontational, and even at times a hateful person. Perhaps there were occasions when we had to visit such a person, and the stay with them was tense, uncomfortable, and even dreadful.

So when such a relative dies, what are some of the feelings about that person that may come out of us now, and need to be dealt with?

The article below addresses this question.

Excerpts:

"… he sang the Wizard of Oz's "Ding-Dong! The Witch is Dead" when he learned of his mother's passing"

"Grieving people tend to create larger-than-life pictures in which they enshrine or bedevil the person who died"

"… forgiveness is about relieving oneself of resentment … forgiveness isn't about saying, 'It's OK,' or that you 'accept' or 'approve' what happened … forgiveness is the acknowledgment that what happened, happened, and that you are now ready to set down the baggage, the pain and the fear."

".. without taking the proper steps to grieve and let go, pain can become part of one's identity.

/www.cnn.com/2013/09/24/living/death-anger-reddick-obit/index.html

Wings -

Thank you very much for your comments, insightful as usual.

When I started this thread, admittedly off-topic, because of the unusual nature of the subject matter, I wasn't sure what the reception was going to be, if any. (Although there have been a good number of views so far).

I think now that what was probably in the back of my mind when I posted about this was the not so off-topic notion that some people can develop toxic personalities, often expressed toward their children, as described in the link, as a result of having gone through some severely negative personal experience.

Such as having had to deal with cancer. The shock and fear of such an experience traumatizes some people, and it alters their personalities for the worse. It translates their personalities from moderation and reasonableness, to ones of fear and anger, because of what has happened to them. And this shows up in their relationships with others.

That would also have been a better topic for a thread: can the shock and fear of having to deal with cancer render our personalities toxic, with all the problems that can result from that? And what are good means, that we can employ, to prevent that sort of thing from happening to us?

Maybe a good subject for another thread, which I suppose I could start, or maybe someone else would like to.

But again, thank you very much for your comments! They are much appreciated!